Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"beyond the chains of your story...."

"When some time has past us,
and the story is retold,
it will mirror the strength
and the courage in your soul..."

I'd left for my walk on the beach much later than planned. And although I was thrilled to watch the ribbons of dusk turn from blue, to lavender, to salmon, to pink to the last deep gasp of twilight before a blanket of sapphire cloaked the endless sky above the sea, I was a bit unsettled by the sheer aloneness I experienced there. Not another single, solitary person for miles in either direction.

That was when the chorus to Sara Groves' "
It's gonna be alright..." came to me, "It's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright..." It was a sweet reminder that no matter how deep the darkness, how vast the emptiness, how distant the light...I am never really alone. And, it is always going to be alright. I don't live in a house, on a beach, under a tree, with a family, or along a river. I live in Love, in God. And in Love, it's already alright.

When I got back to where I was staying, there was an email from a friend, with a link to the below post from 2009. I wasn't really so surprised when I noticed that Sara's "It's gonna be alright," is the song, I'd added as a link, at the end. God is so good...sigh..

offered with Love...



"beyond thinking..."


"Hello darkness my old friend
I've come to talk with you again...."

Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" speaks to me of a gentle darkness, a sweet emptiness, a delicate inner "void" I have learned to love, and am no longer unsettled by.  It is speechless.  And sometimes this silent voice of God comes so softly, almost imperceptibly, that I can really only feel Her touch if I am perfectly still, like a deer in the forest listening for the moccasined footsteps of an Indian princess as she tiptoes her scent through the fallen leaves.

When this divine whisper brushes against my heart, it is not in words, but in feelings, so tender, that I find my eyes closing unintentionally.  It is a moment of reverence so pure it takes my breath away.  And with this intake of breath, there is a shift in focus, my inner landscape takes on new dimensions, and what was once close becomes distant, while what was distant, draws infinitely near.  It is a touch that penetrates to the core place where there is neither time nor process, failure or accomplishment,  you or me.  It is beyond the chains of thinking...beyond reason.

What does freedom
look like
when you are
no longer
bound to
your
once-upon-a-time
beliefs
about
your life,
the
worn-out cliches
of someone else's story
about you,
the
fairy tale dreams
you recited
to yourself
...like mantras...
from beneath the covers,
long into the
darkness,
when
the world
was fast
asleep...

Can we ever...
is it possible
for us... 
to walk
beyond the
chains of
thinking,
wondering,
worrying,
if we might
just
be
the
product of
our own
worst
choices,
or
worse yet,
our own
best
thinking...

You are not
the outcome,
the offspring,
the effect
of
someone,
anyone
else's
rejection, neglect
abuse
abandonment...
or even,
their
love

you are
the breath of
Spirit
upon
an aspen leaf,
a drop of
holy water
on the tongue of
a saint,
the whisper of
forgiveness,
the sweetest song
to a mother
who
never meant
to
cause her
child's
tears

true
freedom
is to live
without want,
without
need,
without 
feeling
the dull ache
of thinking
there
might just be
something more...


it is
to
live
fully
within the
space of
having all,
in the
Allness
of
our
singular
relationship with Him.

it is
to be at peace
to be at home
to find heaven
in
a
closet,
a sepulchre,
a cell,
a cocoon,
a prayer....


In this space of spiritual surrender we discover that, as Sara Groves' assures us "
It's Gonna Be Alright" And I believe...I really, truly, genuinely believe it is. In fact, I know it is.

""And when some time has past us,
and the story is retold
It will mirror the strength
and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,
that it's going to be alright...""


Especially when we have the courage to cast our cares on Him...for he careth for us...

for you...

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

"The manger within..."

This piece, from Christmas 2010, was requested as a re-post today:

"The sleeping child you're holding..."

"Mary, did you know...
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
...This child that you've delivered
Will soon deliver you..."

-Greene/Lowry

Each year, about this time, I seem to always write a post with this Kathy Matthea version of "Mary, Did You Know?" as the keynote... and if you do nothing more today on this blog than listen to this song, I will know your heart has been touched.  Please don't miss its blessing.  I love it so much that I am now convinced it will show up every Christmas...along with a few others that continue to bring their spiritual gifts each year. This season, I share it as the prelude to a poem. 

I am continuing to learn that when we open our hearts, manger-like...humble, simple, still, and expectant...to our Father's plan, the Christ is new-born within us.  "The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again.  The lame will leap, the dumb will speak the praises of the Lamb..." Do
you know that this sleeping child you are holding within you, is "the Great I AM"

"A Manger Within"

your quaking heart
can know a deep, unfathomable peace
even when all looks lost
and hope seems like a taunting
a haunting
a place where disappointment and doubt
lay in wait
around any
and every corner
ready to pounce and pierce
the soft places
the inner regions
the tender dreams
of the soul

but Love walks in
with all Its quiet Self-certainty
and announces
"I am that I am"
you cannot run from what "I am"
"the spiritual sense of truth that must be gained,
before Truth can be understood"

your heart is Mine
your life is Mine
your love is Mine
you cannot take it back
you cannot take control
you cannot put the shattered pieces
back into a shape that is safe
shelve it all away
in tissue paper
with the old star
the fragile Christmas ornaments
and sigh with relief
that
for another year...it is still intact

I have taken you apart for My purpose
torn away the shredded tatters
you hugged so close
I have dressed you in a bridal garment
pure as driven snow
on an empty, endless beach
along the coast of Maine
I have scattered your false convenient peace
down the abandoned church steps
like rice
raining on your hearts
rending the veil of tolerance
revealing the face of Love

within the stillness of a sanctuary heart
I have wed you to Me...to My presence in your life
I am asking you to trust Me
with your eternity
with your intuition
with your heart and soul and mind
let Me be your God
let Me prepare you a place
as I have prepared your heart
breaking it wide open
ready to receive
a babe

this will not look easy
it may not make sense
it may leave you feeling naked

but what have you learned from a girl
visited by angels
espoused to a man
great with child
giving birth in a manger

sometimes what I have planned
does not make sense
to hearts that need to know
to minds
that need to have it all in columns
and rows
and pews

but if you will let Me have your heart
like she did
I will show you a miracle
a star will lead
angels will sing
kings will bring gifts
shepherds will quake

and you
may learn
to trust
Me
...with all your heart

give it to Me
and I will fill it
with
something
Wonderful,
Mighty,
full of promise...
the Prince of Peace
...or a girl in a manger.

with an expectant heart, always...
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

I just found this version of
"Mary, Did You Know?" as sung by lyricist, Mark Lowrey. And as much as I absolutely love Kathy Matthea's version, I am always interested in seeing how a songwriter interprets his/her own lyrics.


[photo credit:  Lisa Redfern and Lydia Day (daughter of Doug & Diana) by Randall Williams 2009]

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"a great magnet pulls all souls towards the truth..."

"...Maybe a great magnet pulls
all souls toward the truth
Or maybe it is life itself
that feeds wisdom
to its youth..."

I was listening to k.d. lang's "Constant Craving" this evening as it shuffled through my ipod playlist and was struck by the feeling of hope and sorrow, joy and regret, desire and satisfaction it seems to evoke...all at once.  At the same time I came across this poem from "another lifetime" and together they seemed to speak to me of  "that one true thing" which my friend, Sandy, reminded me of a few weeks ago, when he said,  "we are all, always, just seeking wholeness." 

"Yes," I thought, "this is true."  In my times of sorrow and joy, pain and delight, fear and courage...I am always  "just seeking wholeness."  When my search is focused within my own being, I am in a space of hope...when I let that search for wholeness wander beyond the bounds of my own consciousness...that space of inner stillness where the "never-the-less-ness" of my relationship with God is intact...I feel fear, sorrow, regret. 

And yet, even then, I am whole.  Because God is all and everywhere, even in my moments of despair and anguish, confusion and doubt, I am sent deeper and deeper into the search for this wholeness which is always calling to me...into the only space where wholeness can ever really be found...within.   And it is in this "within" space that I find that sorrow and joy are not polar opposites, but inverted images which remind us that we
have known the truth, even when all we can see is its reverse.

Our experience is not half sorrowful and half joyous...but a wholeness that is always intact, because God is always present. The moments that seem ripe with frustration are the perfect canvas on which to paint our patience. The days that appear dreary, are but a reminder of how much we love the sunlight. How else could Mary Baker Eddy write, "Sorrow is salutary." or "Trials are proofs of God's care." Hmmm....so much to ponder tonight...

Kahlil Gibran wrote:

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

The heartache of a broken friendship stems from the same relationship that once brought the greatest joy...or it wouldn't hurt so badly.  Remembering this, I can go deeply into my heart's archives and resurrect those sentiments that once gave impulse to generosity and selflessness.  Once found, I am able to dust them off, polish them up, and put them back where they belong, into the repertoire of my heart's utility. 

Discovering this poem tonight, I am reminded of how that moment of misunderstanding and regret that gave birth to my realization of all that I'd originally known of love through that friendship. It led to this simple doorway towards healing. It was a precious gift...I share it here:


my heart stops

our
silken, buttery
words

soft with
sweetness of
intent and
gentle
humor
has cut like a hot knife...
precise
and accurate...
we know
each other
so
well

sharp,
serrated,
no nonsense,
sans serif
characters

just the right
words
lined up like
small tin soldiers
with painted smiles
peeling in the
harsh light of
"well-meaning"
helpfulness

in their hands...
unbeknownst to us...
flower-disguised
bayonets
stand
ready to
pierce and
poke
at
something  we thought
was
strong
and safe...

but
discovered
was 
a softer,
more vulnerable
space than
we ever
even guessed

misunderstandings
judgments
assumptions
conclusions
convictions
hurt
penalties
rejection
distance
distance
distance

lines drawn
in
cold,
hard, wet
sand

I want to hold
my
breath
until my heart
stops
beating

until the
words disappear
with the
absence of air

until
sadness,
guilt,
regret
dissipate like
hovering
fog
in the quiet
harbor
just before dawn
on a late
June morning
in Maine

the fear of
misunderstanding...
or having
been misunderstood...
lingers in the
air

a palpable
pressure
on
the surface tension of
our friendship

but there is
something
else
that begins
to
rise
from that dark
cold pool of
regretted,
and regrettable,
words

it
radiates out

it
presses up against
the descent of
sorrow
and loss

and
I think
it is
hope

yes,
it is hope...

and
suddenly I
can
see
that
she is,
I am,
we are
all,
only
children
with
tender hearts

the truth is,
we are
the innocent
seeking
something so
simple

we
want to
feel
understood and
trusted


we want it
more than we
want to
be right

we only
want to
be
known

this
simple
knowing of myself
as I am known
stops the pain.

I am
breathing
again

long, deep
thirsty
draughts of
hope and
promise

so I
pick up
the phone
and
hope
and
hope
and
hope...

and when she
answers:

"Hi...I'm sorry..."


offered with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Thursday, September 9, 2010

"I can hear a distant singing..."

"I've been feeling kind of restless.
I"ve been feeling out of place.
I can hear a distant singing,
a song that I can't write,
And it echoes of what
I'm always trying to say...

There's a feeling I can't capture.
Its always just a prayer away...

And I cannot wait to be going home..."

Mmmm...Sara Groves' "Going Home" conveys the warmth of finding yourself snuggled into the sofa, wrapped in quilts, after Thanksgiving dinner.  You are watching Little Women...the Winona Ryder/Susan Sarandon version...while your mom strokes your hair, and you sink deeper and deeper into the comfort of her soft body.

I know this feeling.  It is the feeling of returning to your own "ground zero" for recalibration.  It's like plugging yourself into a giant cosmic wall socket for recharging.  It is a spiritual act, and it is deeply grounding.

And as much as it may seem like we are going backwards towards our childhood, in a time long past, it is really a deeper, fuller, more-alive-with-promise exploration of what is inherently changeless and true...our innocence. 

A reader recently wrote and asked me to write something about purity.  She had searched the index to this blog, and couldn't find a post that addressed this topic.  I was stunned.  Over 400 posts and not one had been tagged "purity." 

This is shocking to me, because "purity" is a spiritual concept that I work with almost hourly.  Purity is the allness of good, the fullness of innocence, the power of God asserting itself. 

Purity is not the absence of infection, violation, imposition, mistake, or bad choices.  Purity is not passive.  It is not something that can be lost, taken, or destroyed.  Purity is not vulnerable.  It is the self-assertion of grace, the insistence of hope, the radiance of divinity, the affluent coursing of Love's universal "I AM" springing from an inner core so deep, that it cannot be touched by darkness, doubt, or fear.

Another friend shared this quote from
Woman, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Anything by Geneen Roth, the other day:

"…there is a natural inclination to want to keep exploring, keep discovering, keep touching the place that has never known suffering-which is, after all, the function of any spiritual practice."

This innate hunger to revisit the "place that has never known suffering,"
is the power of purity voicing itself to human consciousness.  It calls to us from a deep knowing, a persistent certainty that we are, and always have been,  good, pure, worthy, capable, untouched, and whole. 

This, for me, is the place of my Mother-God's soft lap.  It is the longing for this "place" that calls me...deeper and deeper towards its core.  It is this space of divine fullness and innocence that is inviolate and unsullied.  It is the purest light drawing us to itself like a leaf towards the sun.  It is home.

She wanders the
street...
looking nowhere
and yet
searching for
something,
her eyes
are lowered,
heart shattered,
wings broken,
hope unraveled...
where is
kindness,
is there a return
to innocence for
the child who
is no longer...a child?
Is there a
mother's lap to
fall asleep, and
rest her
head and
her dreams in...
without
fear?
Go deep,
go deep...
this longing to
be
a child again,
is
calling you
to Her
arms...
listen
it is
within
you...
singing.


Thank you for the prompting, Liz...with Love, 

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Here are two more, profoundly beautiful quotes, from
Woman, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Anything by Geneen Roth, that were shared with me:

“The third journey—the Journey in God—is the same in both the Sufi tradition and the path-of-food version: In this journey, you end the search for more and better. You no longer live as if this life is a dress rehearsal for the next. Authenticity, not trying to be good, begins to infuse your actions. Through practices like the Eating Guidelines, meditation and inquiry, you slowly realize that you are already whole and that there is no test to pass, no race to finish; even pain becomes another doorway, another chance to recognize where love appears to be absent.” (200)

“…real holiness is not in what you achieve…if you are willing to refrain from dieting and needing an instant solution, and if you want to use your relationship with food as the unexpected path, you will discover that God has been here all along. In the sorrow of every ending, in the rapture of every beginning. In the noise and in the stillness, in the upheavals and in the rafts of peace. In each moment of kindness you lavish upon your breaking heart or the size of your thighs, with each breath you take—God has been here. She is you.” (201)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

"Hello Lord - it's me, your daugher..."

"Right now,
I don't hear so well and
I was wondering if you could
speak up?

I know that you tore the veil
so I could sit with you in person,
and hear what you're saying...
But right now I think that you are
whispering...

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait.
And although patience has never been mine
I will wait to hear from you...

O Lord, I'm waiting on you...."

-  Sara Groves


Sara Groves' "
Hello Lord" is such a perfect description of my morning's sweet dialogue with God.  One sided, no sided...and finally...silence.

Here is the poem that followed:


I am here
I am waiting.
I long for the voice
of One
who cried out
to His son
in the
wilderness,
who spoke
to a
small boy...
with his father...
climbing Mount Moriah,
a young man
on the battlefield
armed with only
five
smooth
stones,
a prophet
standing
by a river,
a mother
waiting
to deliver,
a saviour
weeping
in a garden...

I will not
move a muscle,
rustle a sleeve,
let the sound of crickets,
or the murmuring of
the ego
distract me from
the space of
Your
silent
presence

I am not seeking to
be heard,
to say the right words,
to pray the right prayer,
to write a hymn,
or gather the next
testimony to
my chest,
and
tweak it
to perfection

I
only want
You

I want Your
heartbeat
at
my
ear
as I
lie against Your
vast,
beautiful,
wide
world of
seamless,
universal,
undivided being

no
absolute
or
relative

no human
or
divine

no spiritual
or
material

just You

just
the
seamless garment of
Your
Father-Motherhood...
and me,
Your daughter,
pressed against You
like a
nursing child,
one
with
its
Source.

I want the silent
flow,
the undiluted purity,
the sweet savor
of the
Word that
is
not words

I want to
FEEL
You coursing
through my
being
like
the
blood of the
Lamb
as she
skips
along the
edge of
a ravine...
eyes
only on
the
silhouette of
the Shepherd
outlined
by the
Sun.

I am here
I am
as still
as
a
lamb-
child
waiting
for the
first
drop
of
milk
to
flow....

waiting in the hush of a new dawn...
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Saturday, June 12, 2010

"what would I be...."

"Now I'm no longer doubtful
of what I'm living for...

Cause you make me feel
you make me feel,
you make me feel,
like a natural woman...."

Last night, Jeff and I were captivated by a PBS preview of the Carole King/James Taylor Troubadour Tour that will crisscross the U.S. this summer.  When Carole started singing, "Natural Woman...," she was so very naturallly herself  --  wild,  life-whitened hair, sun-softened skin, wise blue eyes, and a body that she looked as comfortable "in her own skin" with, as the warmth in her voice made me feel  --  and suddenly, I too felt at peace with my own evolving form.  Because, pouring from every pore of her being...voice, eyes, smile, embrace with her fellow musicians...was a peace that "passed understanding."   And that peace washed over me with waters that refreshed...and the valley began to bud, and blossom, like the rose.

This is the poem that spilled itself forward onto the page: 

what would I be
if 
I
weren't
who you think I am
today,
or who I think
I ought to be
tomorrow

would I
be a tree
whose branches
reach across the sky
and tremble with hope
that maybe
just, just maybe
I could be that place
where the scarlet
taninger
chooses to
feather her nest with
downy tufts of cottonwood seed
and bits of
grass
woven
together like a small
quilt
for tiny eggs
that I could
hold in the
crook of my elbow
like a
wise old aunt...and
with each soft
breeze through my
leaves
I would coo and
sigh...
rock
and weave...
softly
softly
BE a
lullaby for
what
has yet to
poke through the
shell of
its
own birthing...

what would we be
if
all that
mattered to
the other,
was the
essence,
the sap,
the consciousness....
the soupy liquid
of our being...defining us,
to us

if form and
outline were
as
free-flowing and
unfolding
as
the shifting clouds
above us
or
the
line of salted seafoam
that ebbs and
flows
upon the sand
beneath our toes
while we
splash and
play
like children
in the
surf

what would you be
if tomorrow
what
I think you are...
or ought to be...
were
washed away
like dust
from the
leaves of the sweet
and the savory,
the
green and the purple
basil,
rosemary,
thyme...
the
tender herbs
which
wait in the
heat of noonday for
rest and drink
from
a sudden summer
shower?

go ahead...

I will watch
with
baited breath...
on tippy-toes...
at the edge of my seat...
watching,
ready to sigh
with wonder
at what
God has
done...
as you!


A few statements from the writings of Mary Baker Eddy come to mind this afternoon...I will leave you wtih them, today:

"The divine Mind maintains all identities,
from a blade of grass to a star,
as distinct and eternal."


and

"Consciousness constructs a better body
when faith in matter has been conquered."


and

"Spiritual evolution alone
is worthy of the exercise of divine power."


and 

"God is the Life, or intelligence,
which forms and preserves
the individuality and identity of animals
as well as of men."


As well as this statement also from Hafiz:


"I have learned so much from God
That I can no longer call myself
a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of Itself with me
That I can no longer call myself
a man, a woman, an angel, or even a pure soul.
Love has...freed me
Of every concept and image my mind has ever known."

And, finally, this from "Tarjuman Al-Ashwaq" by Muhyi'ddin ibn al-'Arabi as translated by Suheil Bushrui, Professor at University of Maryland (who was, herself, born in Nazareth):

My heart is capable of every form:
A pasture for gazelles,
A monastery for monks,
An abode for idols,
And a place where the votaries of the Kaaba come.
In my heart, both the Tablets of the Torah and the Holy Qur'an are to be found.
My faith and religion is love: wherever it beckons me, I follow."

Just some things I am thinking about today....have a great weekend!

with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Here is a 1972 Carole King performance of "
Natural Woman."

And a friend suggested that I provide this link to an earlier post,
"after all, you're still you..."

Sunday, May 30, 2010

"Daddy here I am again..."

"Daddy here I am again,
Will you take me back tonight?
I went and made the world my friend,
and it left me high and dry."

- Casting Crowns

I was listening to Casting Crowns' "Prodigal," and remembered a daydream I'd had a few weeks ago. A daydream in which the parable of the Prodigal Son (from the 15th chapter of Luke's gospel) came to life for me in a new way, and gave me new questions to consider. Don't you just love it when that happens? 

As an aside, did you know that the word "prodigal" never appears in the King James' version of the Bible?  I discovered that the word means, "having or giving something on a lavish scale," and that this word we so quickly associate with an errant, selfish boy, actually has its root in the Latin word, "prodigus" which means "lavish."   I'm thinking that I might want to consider reclaiming this word for God, and calling it the parable of the Pridigal Father, as the one who lavishes understanding and compassion on his family.

Anyway, back to my daydream.  In it, I was standing at the end of a dusty road, quietly listening to a conversation between the boy's father and mother.  Her heart was afraid of his hope...afraid of how it might disappoint him...and her.


Come in old man...

He is
gone.

Left
long ago
with his
portion...

I send your meals
to you as
you sit here
waiting...why?

You
have a son...
a faithful son,
a good boy, 
one who works beside you,
and asks for nothing

Can't you see how
he
waits for your
attention,
a place in your heart...
while you
wait at the end of the road
searching the
horizon
for
some sign of
the errant one.

Let him go.
Let him be a feckless
child...
wasting
his
substance on
wine, and women,
and games of chance in the
town square.

I cannot let him go.
He is
precious in my sight.
He is
a prince...to me.
He is fighting for his
life...
for his right to
live with
passion...and 
personal vision.

I know he may have
made mistakes,
but he is trying
to make us
proud of him
by doing it all
himself,
all that
he thinks
we think
he
could not do without
our help.

We taught him to
trust his heart...
and our God. 
Now, we need to trust
our God
and His love for him
completely.

Yes, you are right,
he does not
choose my fields today.
He does not
want to stand beside me
in rows
of
barley
counting
ephah of grain.

But he only asked for
the portion he thought was
his birthright,
and the freedom to
explore his
talents
with
out
my
oversight,
or his brother
weighing in.

I may not understand
his path,
but
he is still
our son.

He is still the boy
you sang to sleep.
He is still the boy
whose laughter I love to hear
as it dances
in the wind, and swirls around
me as I work...making my
day lighter, and my
heart smile.

He is still our son's
brother.

I
know you,
wait for him,
too. 
I see you standing by the well,
shielding your eyes from the
sun,
as you scan the horizon
for a sign.
We can trust
that
the Father of us all
has
a plan,
a reason,
a purpose for him...
is teaching him grand lessons...
humility,
courage,
grace...and will
guide  him
safely
home.

I will be watching.
I will be waiting.
I want to hear his story.

I want to
see his face
Hear his voice
Watch him weep in your arms.
Hug his brother.
Share his story....
so others will
not be afraid
to come home.

"Not all who wander
are
lost."


from one who as been waited for...with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

"Not all who wander are lost."  -  J.R Tolkein

Monday, April 19, 2010

"...you can stay as long as you like..."

"...No one's gonna take that time away,
you can stay as long as you like...
so, close you eyes
you can close your eyes
it's alright..."

- James Taylor

Sometimes, when the world seems to be spinning faster than I can navigate...while trying to stand upright on my feet...I go to a quiet place, lie down, and close my eyes.  I imagine my Father-Mother God saying, "It's alright, you can 'Close Your Eyes'...it's alright, I'm watching." 

So, I surrender to Her voice,  and once again:

I
enter
the nucleus of prayer

that
sanctuaried silence
where
earnest longings
meet
the
splayed form
of a
repentant heart...

and steps over
the discarded,
scattered,
sun-bleached bones
of the
ego's
carcass*

here
in this place of
deep margins,
white space,
and
unpaginated moments
of conscious
streaming

there are
no words....

there is
nothing but the
heartbeat
of
a divine Mother,
Her bosom at my cheek...
cooing,
a lullaby
sung
in the nursery of
human hopes


the
orchestrated
rhythm of
the universe..

spiritual
grace-notes
thrummed
softly
on
an infant humanity's
small
shoulders

it is
an ordered
hushing
of the earth, earthy

the tender stroke
of Her
cool fingers
on the
brow of a child...
the
toddler... who's finally
dropped off
from
edge of
fighting

fallen from
the
precipice of
control,
into the
canyon of
letting go
and trusting
Her
deep arms

released from
the fitful thrashings
of the self
and
quieted
beneath
Her
calming
touch

the lavender
scent of Her promise
calming,
stirring,
soothing,
drifting across
bare questions
of innocence...
through
the window of
gratitude...
rustling
the bedcovers of
the heart
and
resting on
holy
ground...
the
waiting
petals
of
unfurled hopes...
warmed
by
what lies waiting
for you
in
the nucleus of
prayer


For those of you who love rare moments of music history, here is a lovely clip of James Taylor and Joni Mitchell singing
"Close Your Eyes"...precious...

"We must close the lips and silence the material senses.
In the quiet sanctuary of earnest longings,
we must deny sin and plead God's allness."

- Mary Baker Eddy


with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS


* this section is inspired by an excerpt from "Living Like Weasels" by Annie Dillard

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

"If I could ever say it right..."

"If I could ever say it right
And reach your hostage heart...despite
the doubts you harbor
Then you might,
Come to believe in me.

If I could only do one thing,
Then I would try to write, and sing
A song that ends your questioning
And makes you believe in me
Oh, you can believe in me...."

- Dan Fogelberg


Does God say it right...to you?  Does Love reach your hostage heart...despite the doubts you harbor?  He does in my life...and often, through "the Word."  The Word comes to us in many forms.  There are the more accepted and obvious literary vehicles.  The Bible, the Koran, the Torah, the poetry of Hafiz, tablets of stone carried down from Mt. Sinai, spiritual texts from many philosophies, religions, belief systems...all satisfy our hunger for something enriching, comforting, and edifying.  And then there is the presence of the Word as the Logos.  The Logos is often defined as "divine reason" the presence of Truth in the heart, divine discourse, an indwelling grace.  This is where God's voice feels most real to me.  This doesn't lessen, but enhances, my love for reading the Bible, Science and Health, and other spiritual texts. In their company, I find a timeless sense of community. 

Someone asked me recently, "Why do you read the Bible?  Is it so that you will have the right ideas to heal someone?" I didn't have to pause long to think about my answer.  It's one that I've given a lot of thought to.  It came in the form of a quote I read once on a Celestial Seasonings teabag:

"We read to know we are not alone."
- CS Lewis

I believe that CS Lewis got it right.  Since Mind is All-in-all.  We already include all intelligence, all knowledge, all inspiration.  So we are not reading to discover something new.  We are reading to discover we are not alone in the thoughts that keep us company in our silence, in the sweet sacred waking hours of the night, in the holiest of holies...the space of prayer.

I do not read the Bible to find something I think I have never known. I read the Bible, the Tao, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Lewis' "Screwtape Letters" to remember more of what I already know, already include, already delight in.  I read to feel fellowship with another thinker who can't stop him/herself from writing a "song" that forwards someone else's questioning, and helps them believe in themselves...in the presence of the great I AM within themselves.

Spiritual thinker and thought-leader, Mary Baker Eddy, said it so beautifully when she wrote:

I have nothing new to communicate;
all is in your textbooks.
Pray aright and demonstrate your prayer;
sing in faith."

Tonight I was listening to Dan's song, "Believe in Me" and I found myself wandering into the pages of the Gospels, walking with Jesus on his journey from the baptism, through the wilderness, and towards his destiny as a healer and pathfinder for spiritual thinkers of every age and tradition. 

Poetry is
"my native tongue" as I wrote in this linked post from September of 2007.  And the poem that follows below, is one that I found my heart singing...again..as I kept pace with him along the dusty road earlier today.  The words and rhythm felt familiar but I couldn't remember where I'd heard it before, until I was led to finally clean out a folder that had been recovered from an old hard drive two years ago.  This poem was there.  It is one I'd written in 2005 and had not read since.  It had poured out late one night when I was hungry for a more genuine relationship with Jesus.  I'd been feeling a like he was someone I spoke about...not to...or more importantly, with.  This poem was the beginning of something more timeless, present, and rich with fellowship between us.   

This is just the first poem of dozens.  Dozens of conversations with him that flow in poems.  Conversations that I've experienced on our walks through the holy land of consciousness:

the gift
descended
like a dove
...surprising

surprising
to see a dove
descending from
heaven

to hear
a
voice

to
feel the water
pouring
like
silk over
my forehead
and through dust-coated hair
and lashes

the gift descends
from
where there seems to be no
reservoir of
hope

and yet from the
unseen...
from somewhere
beyond the
clouds
there is a voice
that whispers
thunders
roars
a promise
of
love

the gift descends
and
we are caught
off guard,
breathless,
driven to our knees
in awe
wet from the
baptism,
spent with
surrender,
dazed by the
anointing

we are
on our
tiptoes
waiting
without
sandals
feet bare
unshod
on holy ground

we are
naked before
His
knowledge of
our hearts' most
unspoken
longings

egos are
shattered by His
grace,
by His
love,
by His
gift....

I am His son
He is pleased?


then why
then...
ah..."then"

the wilderness
the hunger
the temptations
the taunting
the false promises and
coercion,
hypnotic offers of bread and
celebrity

but
we
are
not
afraid
of this jeering...
snake
pharoah
satan
baal
herod
devil...

I am well-prepared...
a childhood of study...Hebrew school
Shabbat, Passover
conferring
with the elders
a stolen afternoon at twelve
alone with
doctors, lawyers, holy men
learned Rabbis
hours with the Torah
mornings in the temple
I am ready

I remember

I know...I have always known

"It is written..."

and the Word was made flesh...
and angels
ministered...
the sweetest bread
the Word...

ah yes, the gift...

you remember too...
don't you?


shared with Love,
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credit: Stacey Vandermast Barton 2010]

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Poems, and prayers, and promises..."

"Talk of poems, and prayers, and promises,
and things that we believe in:
how sweet it is to love someone,
how right it is to care;
how long its been since yesterday,
and what about tomorrow;
and what about our dreams,
and all the memories we share..."

-     John Denver

I've loved this song for almost forty years.  It was the summer of 1971.  I'd been invited, along with other girls from our senior class, to work at the historic Inn our hometown dentist owned on the shores of an island in the middle of beautiful Lake Champlain in northern Vermont.  I was thrilled....and nervous.  It would be the first time in my life I'd been away from my entire family.  I didn't know how I would sleep without my sister next to me.  

I waved goodbye to everyone from the backseat of Diane's parents' station wagon, and I was free, independent...grown up.  We drove all day, crossing onto a narrow string of islands, by ferry, in the early afternoon,  and arriving at the Inn just before dinner.

It was enchantment at first sight.  A large yellow clapboard inn with a matching yellow barn on the inland side of the road that ran along the shoreline. There were additional guestrooms in a building across the street, at the head of a long grassy pier that once welcomed excursion travelers, but now stretched into the lake and was used for weddings and special events. A small, crescent-shaped beach held a scattering of adirondack chairs just waiting for guests to arrive with book in hand and a nap on the agenda, while nuzzled against a short wooden dock was a skiboat tethered to a shiny cleat, bouncing and bumping, like an yearling colt chomping at the bit, ready for the summer adventure to begin.   It was heavenly.

Their were 14 of us girls, all going into our senior year of high school, and a manager (who masqueraded as our dental hygienist during the school year), the good dentist, his wife and two young children.  A handy man and a cook extraordinaire rounded out our summer team. 

The first few days were spent cleaning, prepping in the kitchen, setting up the dining room, and making up guest rooms.  The fourth day we readied small sailboats and the water-skiing boat for guest arrivals and raked the beach.  Day five was ours.  We were told to enjoy it...another day off would be rare.  In hindsight I realize that they weren't kidding.  We worked long days, rising before dawn and turning out the lights in the dining room near midnight, seven days a week...all for $14.77 and as much ice cream as we could eat.  We all, did everything...waitresses, chambermaids, sailing instructor, sous chef, hostess, babysitter, registration desk, you name it...we did it.  And we loved it. 

But back to that first day off.   The fourteen of us girls, piled into sunnies (the small sailboats we used to teach sailing to children) and made our way out into open water, around to the other side of a small island covered in bramble and old growth scrub pines, to reach an even smaller rocky island with few trees.  Gull Island was about the size of a small city block.  Large granite outcroppings, and a few stands of scraggly pine trees. It looked like a great, playful giant had pitched a handful of enormous marbles onto the beach.  These boulders were soft and worn and perfect for lolling on in the early summer sun. 

I'd only ever been with my siblings, cousins, parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents at a beach.  This was different...this was a dream come true.  Sally had brought her transistor radio and a satchel full of magazines, candy, fruit, a bottle of baby oil laced with iodine (a silly tanning myth from the 70s), and extra batteries for the radio.  We each had a towel, a sack lunch, and a soda.  We were ready.

Before I could stretch myself across the back of a large grey boulder, I noticed that bathing suits were being abandoned faster than the gulls on the beach could retrieve an errant brownie crumb.

This was going to be a skinny-dipping sun-bathing party.  "Well," I thought, "This is a first for me, but we are in the middle of nowhere, so what the heck!"  I was as bare as a baby before the next wave could hit the sand.  We talked and laughed and listened to music, turning this way and that to be sure the sun had touched every bit of us.

When a bank of clouds started to hide the sun, we put on suits and t-shirts, turned up the music and danced on the rocks like the dancers on our favorite variety show.  And before the first raindrop, from a sudden afternoon storm, hit the beach, we were on our way back around the larger island, across the expanse of clear blue water, and pulling up to the beach ready to tie up the skiboat, pull the sunnies onto the sand and run for the Inn.  We were pink-cheeked, sun-kissed, and dreaming of the gorgeous tans we'd have the next day for guest arrivals.  Who knew, perhaps one of the families would have a college-age son. 

It had been one of the best days of my life...so far.  I fell asleep under the eaves of our attic dormitory lined with fourteen beds...seven on each side...singing all the songs we'd heard on Sally's transistor radio that day.  It was the summer of the singer-songwriter, and James Taylor, Carole King, John Denver, Cat Stevens and Bread. And long after each of the other girls had nodded off, James Taylor and friends were still singing lullabies in my head as I fell asleep that night.

But I didn't stay asleep for long.  Sometime in the middle of the night, with thirteen other girls sleeping heavily all around me, I woke to a searing pain covering my body....all of my body.  Every square millimeter from head to toe, back and front, stinging and burning.  I padded off to the bathroom, on the third floor below our attic room, turned on the light and gasped.  I was a swollen, blistered, red version of an oompah loompah. And it hurt...everywhere. 

I didn't know what to do.  These were the days of pre cellphone, pre cordless phones and expensive long distance rates...and I didn't even know where to find a phone, much less how to make an out-of-state long distance collect call to my parents.  I was on my own and suddenly, being on my own was really scary.  I missed my mom, my sisters, my own bed, the little lamp next to my bed and the books that lined the bookshelf that served as my bed's headboard back home.  I felt like crying, but the salt in my tears burned as it ran over the blisters on my face. 

I went back to my bed in the attic and lay as still as I could on top of the softly-worn, white cotton sheets.  But I couldn't turn off the radio that had been playing, all night, in my head.  I tried, but all I was able to do was change songs.  I was frustrated and scared. 

That was when John Denver's
"Poems, and Prayers, and Promises" came up in the rotation of selctions on my mental radio.  And it was just what I needed.  The sound of it was as gentle and peaceful as my mother's nightly litany of lullabies.  The words were meaningful and I listened with new ears...and then I thought about what I was hearing.

"...talk of poems, and prayers, and promises,
and things that we believe in:
how sweet it is to love someone,
how right it is to care..."

I thought of poems.  Mary Baker Eddy's "Mother's Evening Prayer." "Feed My Sheep." "Satisfied."  Each stanza working like another layer of healing oil.  Each comforting verse, a calming balm on my heart.  I thought of prayers.  "The Lord's Prayer," "The Little Children's Prayer," "The 23rd Psalms"...the prayers of my childhood.  The prayers my mother had so vigilantly taught me to say, and sing, every night since I was a little girl.   And promises.  "I am with thee." "And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good," "before they call, I will answer," and "Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."  Promises God had faithfully kept throughout my childhood.

I fell asleep without realizing it.  I slept through the night and woke at 4:30 on the day our first guests arrived no less red or blistery, but peaceful, just about pain-free, and eagerly ready to start the summer.  I slipped into my 100% polyester pique white and harvest gold uniform with the zipper up the front, and headed down to the kitchen to fry rashers of bacon and baste dozens of sticky pecan rolls with butter and brown sugar.  It was a good day...I was filled with poems, and prayers, and promises...and things that I believed in.  My mom had prepared me well for my first summer away from home.

Almost forty years later I still love this song. 

"...I have to say it now,
it's been a good life, all in all.
It's really fine to have a chance
to hang around...

...and talk of poems, and prayers, and promises,
and things that we believe in:
how sweet it is to love someone,
how right it is to care;
how long its been since yesterday,
and what about tomorrow;
and what about our dreams,
and all the memories we share..."

Yes, these are the things that I still believe in.  Somethings just don't change.

with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Click on this link, if you would like to watch a video of John Denver singing
"Poems, and prayers, and promises" with The Muppets.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

I had a yellow house....

"the house does not rest upon the ground
but upon a woman"
-
Mexican Proverb


For Hannah...together we loved a yellow house...

I Had a Yellow House

i had a house
of
yellow
clapboard...
windowpanes
that rippled
in
the early light
of a
cool September day

her
window sashes
sang
a song
of prairie
widows
when the snow
swirled
across the
plains
and the cattle
stood like
boulders
against the cutting
winds of a
January night

I had a little house that
once held a
family 
of seven
with
only a wood stove for
heat and books
to keep them
company
when the days were long
with summer light
and the
fireflies were all that
twinkled long before
switches and wires
crisscrossed
the plains and
made
the day even longer and
his rest from
back buckling labor
as welcome
as the silence that
descended on the
land
when the
horizon turned
violet in the west

I had a little
yellow house with
a kitchen so full
of light that
she felt warm
even when
ice formed inside the
window panes and
she creaked
like my grandmother's
knees
after a game of
checkers on the
playroom floor

I had
a
little house
a
yellow
picket fence
hedged her hem
like rick rack
seven
birdhouses sat
in her trees
and pale, pink
roses trailed
her arbored gate

each Spring
she spread her
skirts and
let us
plant within
the folds of
its soft green taffeta
our tomatoes
peppers and
tender ears of corn...
marigolds to
chase away the
beetles and
lavender to
welcome hummingbirds
and bumble bees
for the hope
of honey

I had a
yellow porch rail
the color of butter 
fresh from the
churn

Morning glories
entwined their
fingers among her
spindles and lifted
the edges of
the ancient
layers of
paint a woman
once
spent her
food money on
to make her
beautiful

i have a yellow
house
she lives inside of
me like a
breathing child
I feel her
shift with
the sweetness of
time and as
the memory of her
grows I love her more

I never needed food
but butter
yellow paint
would feed
my soul on
mornings when the
sky was pink with the
sweet cool air
of dawn
my tea was
hot and
my heart was full
of a
yellow house
and
a child that
slept softly
under the
eaves....
dreaming of
her
yellow
house


K

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Do butterflies cry...

"Emerge gently from matter into Spirit."
- Mary Baker Eddy

The poem below, though written over a year ago still brings me to my knees in self-surrender...that drive across the Kansas prairie was just one segment in a spiritual journey so cloaked in darkness and isolation that I sometimes wondered if I would emerge in a form recognizable as me...even to me.  The transformation continues...I am starting to get used to the butterfly me.....

Chrysalis Surrender

Is this how it felt when
the earth shook
and the waters parted
and a man
          born blind
came seeing....

darkness

dissolution

shattering

uncertainty

release

surrender

i am not ready
     i cried out
alone and frightened
     car radio
playing one
     old
Journey
          love song
after another
     as I drove through tears
          and rain
               and the sweet ache
                    of it all

          the darkness rushes
               past the window
                    as I fly through
               the silence
                    of a Kansas prairie
               the color of ravens
                         surrounding
                              my cocoon of
                         steel and song

          will I emerge from this chrysalis...
               this casing.... like a
                    butterfly
               transformed by
          a midnight journey through dark
               cornfields and sunflowers


take me in Your arms
wrap me in
Your promise
Father
hold me close to You and breathe
Your message of grace
into my heart...

i serve You
i love You
i long for You in my life

if You are at the core
of this
shattering
let me
yield to it
and
have the patience to
let You
and only You
put me back together
in Your way
according to
Your plan
full of
You

only You
can
eclose me from
this tight
swaddling
of
darkness and
despair, uncertainty
and doubt
into....

what...
I do
not yet
know


can prayer
really
look
like
a tear...
wept

do butterflies
cry






Kate

Monday, September 11, 2006

"There is no involuntary action..."


"There is no involuntary action...."
                   
- Science and Health
                              with Key to the Scriptures

                                        (Mary Baker Eddy)



not a blade of grass
springs up
not a hand reaches for
its perfect pairing
not a heart
leaps to hear
the song of
its echoed chord
without
divine intent

"there is no involuntary action"
without Love's impulsion
the heart
could never break
open and
expose it's inner core
to
risk
or
promise
or
hope

"there is no involuntary action"
without
Mind's conceiving
not a song
would be sung
a line of music composed
a
stanza of poetry
bled
from the pen of
heartache
and
pathos

"there is no
involuntary action"
without
Soul's longing
for the beauty of
It's own reflected light
the sun would not rise in the
East
the leaf would not
turn with it's neighbor
in perfectly
choreographed
movement to
raise its
face
to the sky
and drink in
rays like
newlyweds sharing
a sunset
on an island
balcony

"there is no involuntary action"
without
hope
the widow
would not rise
from the bed of
dispair
and feed her family
the
forsaken
might never
dream of
love
and the abandoned
child
could not trust
the
kind eyes of a
social worker
who offers
the promise of  "a family
all her own"

"there is
no
involuntary action
there is not a
desire
a
hope
a
longing
to be good
to find peace
to know love
to give generously
to live unselfishlly
to be known
     "as yet ye are known"
that is
separate
from
the divine
the immortal
the inescapable
imperative of
Spirit

"there is
     no
          involuntary
               action"

"...The Dvine Mind includes all action and volition..."
                    - Science and Health
                              with Key to the Scriptures

                                        (Mary Baker Eddy)



K

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Where is camp

where is camp?


she thinks
it
sits at the base of
a
series of
avalanche slides
in the
middle of the
Collegiate range
just
to the east of the Western Slope
over beyond the
river's edge
at the North End of the
Arkansas valley
redolent with
the sounds of laughter
and singing
and the silence of prayer
when we are
all
alone with our thoughts

for him
it seems
to be
a
lake Long and clear
between the birch
and the pine
west of the
Altlantic but
East of
here
it is windy and
green and the
color of
sails and
the wake of a
ski boat
it is Indian lore
and
khaki shorts

so where is
camp and
why do we care
when the
grass upon the
lawn turns
brown and the
columbine and
yarrow
no longer
bend in the coolness of
a mountain
breeze

why does camp
not
hibernate like the bears
in the
mountain caves
above tree line

why
does it
kick up its heels and
call us to the dance
in our
hearts throughout the
winter months when
other summer
images
curl up and doze in
sleepy
dreaming positions
of surrender to
holidays and
hot chocolate

why is camp still
calling out from
its summer space of
sun and sails and
silken breezes full
of
salted spray and
sandstone
summits

I think it is
because
camp is
not
a place that
can be
put aside and
taken out
only when the
calendar
turns
beyond april
and across a
month of
may

camp is a
living
breathing
palpable
reachable
space
within us

it is
what we want
most to
be
when
we
stop
from all
the day
to day of
notebooks and
grades....
schedules
and
carpools, chores
and timeclocks...
appointments
and
things we must postpone

camp is
not a
place
you can go to
and come
home from
and
leave...only allowing
it to
resurface again
after
the dust
behind a summer's
day of
service
and the selfless care of
a child's fears
has settled
on the road that leads
out the gate
and beyond our best hopes
of who we were
and what the world
might look like
or what we might "imagine"
it could be

camp is
who
we
are
when
we
are at our best

when
selfishness
has given
place to kindness
and
we find our
own
in
another's good
it is "whither" and grace
and peace from on high

camp is
the
space where
hope
is
realized
and
peace is
still...
nevertheless...
always
the same
power within
us to
be more
than
we
ever even
imagined...

camp is
all the
people livng
life in peace
where
you may say that
I'm dreamer
and
the world
can
live as one

camp
it is not
a place you go
home
from

it is
home...
the
kingdom...
the space where
love
alone
is
life......
within







K

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Forgive me Father

please
forgive
me
Father for

i have sinned....

i have judged others who
stood on this holy
shaking
ground with You
and told them
to walk
away

i have
turned my back
on their pain
and let them
bear this
child alone in a
wilderness of
judgment
and doubt

i have forgotten
to see You
in every moment...in
every instance....
of
love

i stopped
healing...
knowing Your presence...
and tried to
change the
course of
hearts...
Your province...
Your domain

I stand here
in awe of Your power...
Your insistence...
the imperative of
Your will
in
my
life...
and theirs

i stand here small
and frightened and
humbled by
Your
grace
that
cares enough
about a
sinner...someone
who could even
imagine Your
absence...Your separateness...
from another's
life,
decisions,
choices of the heart...
to let
her
feel

to let her
know
that You were
always there
You were always
the Cause
You were always at the
core
shaking
convention,
rattling
comfort,
disturbing the
false convenient
peace
of
self-righteous
indignation
because
You love…
we love

because You are All
we long for
all
not just some
percentage
of
your
good…
a portion
of Your
love…but
the
All-in-allness of
Your Love in our loving
in our lives

did I think
that only
some deserve
to know the depth
of Your
Love
reflected in love....

please
forgive me Father
for
I have seen love
separated from
Love

and judged
Your hand
in
their
hearts....

I am sorry




K