"if not now, tell me when..."

"it will take
a change of heart
for this to mend,
but miracles do happen
every shining now and then,
if not now,
tell me when..."

I spent a week grieving. Then I realized it was time to accept the gift of this moment in history.  To embrace the opportunities we have to be emboldened by love.

When I want a musical kick-in-the-bumm, I turn to Carrie Newcomer. She always reminds me that self-indulgence is not allowed in the heart of a spiritual warrior. I love her recording of "If Not Now." It reminds me that "everything that happens -- happens not to us, but for us."

I needed this reminder. I was on the verge of doing what we nesting creatures do. I wanted to pull into my shell, hide under the covers, slip beneath the wings of someone wiser.

But only for a while. And it was there in the silence, and in the remembering of who I am and what I am capable of accomplishing in service to my God and His children. I found the courage to do something more. I could build nests. I could be someone who quietly gathers the discarded bits and forgotten pieces of this  movement, and builds a safe place for the incubation of dreams.

This doesn't need to be a time of disappointment, but greater appointment. We have been called into this moment for a holy purpose. And it is upon this landscape of stark realization -- that there are millions of people hurting and angry --  that we can find our voice. There is a song to be sung, a message to deliver, a gift to give. And we are that gift. As Scripture assures us:

"prove me now herewith,
saith the Lord of hosts,
if I will not open you
the windows of heaven,
and pour you out a blessing,
that there shall not be
room enough to receive it..." 

Will there ever be a time like this one? A time when kindness stands out in such stark relief against the backdrop of hate. A time when clear integrity is seen in a sea of gray uncertainty. A time when acceptance - based on impartial, and universal Love - is felt where bigotry lurks in the darkness. This is our time. This is our calling.

Recently someone asked me if I didn't feel the hand of an earlier doctrine of racial-purging, religious registry, and white nationalism reaching into this time. Yes, I have -- the comparisons are pretty insidious. But we are not the people of that time. We are wiser, more aware, and we are empowered by what we now know - about where this kind of thinking leads. And we are ready to say "no."

In her collection of addresses, articles, and letters titled Miscellaneous Writings 1888 - 1896, Mary Baker Eddy writes:

"Be “of one mind,”
“in one place,”
and God will pour you
out a blessing such as you
never before received.
He who dwelleth in eternal light
is bigger than the shadow..." 

This is our time. This is our "now." We can be of one mind in this place. We can unite in the Principle of all unity -- Love.   Or as Kahlil Gibran writes:

""In friendship, or in love,
two, side-by-side, raise hands together
to find what one cannot reach alone." 

Whether we are marching in peaceful protest, creating sanctuary cities, refusing to let our Muslim neighbors register alone, or dancing, praying, petitioning and singing our love -- we are not alone. We are in this time together. We will not hide. We will love boldly and courageously.

I love thinking of this statement from Eddy as a benediction on our place in this historic hour:

"There is with us at this hour this great, a great blessing;
and may I say with the consciousness of Mind
that the fulfilment of divine Love in our lives
is the demand of this hour — the special demand..." 

We are not being imposed upon by hatred, hatred has been exposed by Love. The demands that are being made upon us are the demands of Love. Love is asking us to shine like stars against the backdrop of a midnight sky. Love is demanding that we step up and be counted.  Darkness cannot hide the light. This is our time to be the light of Love. To shine. To be our most brilliant selves. To be a candle in the storm.


offered with Love,

Kate

"with kindness drawn…"

"You are more
than the choice that you've made, 
you are more than the sum 
of your past mistakes, 
you are more than the problems 
you create..."

This post is my prayer in keystrokes.

As I lay there in the early morning darkness, it was Tenth Avenue North's "You Are More," that comforted my aching heart.

I'd spent the whole evening "raging against the dying of the light." As state-after-state on the electoral map turned red, I felt like I was going into shock -- heavy tears fell on my now-wrinkled pantsuit, my hands shook.  I found myself hoping that I'd somehow fallen asleep and was trapped in a nightmare I'd soon wake from.

Yet, long after the man I swore to my daughters would never be their country's leader, was crowned President-elect, I was still weeping. Falling to my knees in the dark, I prayed for grace. I prayed for wisdom about how to help my daughters feel safe and hopeful about the future of the country they lived in. I prayed for a glimmer of light -- something to call me forward out of the pit of despair I was feeling.

The only thing that brought peace was trying to help others.  I listened, posted, answered texts and emails, and sought inspiration in Scripture and the wisdom of the wise.  

When I finally took my broken and tired heart to bed, the light was just breaking over Sleeping Indian. And as I lay there trying to quiet the demons that were trotting out every ugly word he'd said on the campaign trail, and every terrifying article I'd read touting his inexperience and lack of readiness, I thought I would be ill.

This was the man who considered it acceptable to sexually assault women, mock the disabled, displace refugee families, demean heroes, and deport our immigrant neighbors and friends. How could he possibly be the Commander-in-Chief of our military, the face of our nation, the heartbeat of our body collective.

That was when God broke through with a brief reminder: "with loving kindness have a drawn him," and asked me this one question? "Is this about what you think he is (or isn't) bringing to this office -- his qualifications, human history, tweets, mistakes, temperament, irrational behavior?  Or is this about what I am able -- through the appointment of him to this office as President -- to draw out from the infinite well of spiritual resources that exist in him as my image and likeness?"

I knew immediately what God was asking of me. How often had I been hired to do something that I knew I wasn't the candidate most humanly qualified or experienced for? More times than I can say. But it has always been this one Truth -  that the kingdom of God is within me - that has given me the courage and humility to accept those jobs, appointments, projects, and tasks without fear of failure and humiliation. 

 I have trusted that I am not bringing a limited (or even humanly grand) set of skills to a particular office, but that the office itself is drawing something new from within me.  Each opportunity is the pump by which God is going to draw from the infinite well of His goodness.  From which something fresh and new, that I need discover about myself as the infinite image and likeness of His infinite individuality, will pour forth.

I love a definition of the word "image" that was shared with me by a physicist and photographer friend: "Pixel for pixel, an image reflects the original. Not one pixel less, not one pixel more." Immediately I could begin to accept that even our president-elect -- a man who seemed so terribly flawed to me only moments before -- had within him the full measure of God's All-in-allness.  He was fully capable of discovering a fathomless well of goodness, intelligence, compassion, humanity, honesty, affection, faith, meekness, temperance, hope, discipline and grace within himself.

This office of president-elect is God's way of priming that pump.   There is a measureless well goodness waiting to be plumbed in him.  I could expect to see this even in this man who, to me, had been a most flawed candidate. Just like turning a spigot to draw a bath, Love was drawing out the best in all of us -- individually and collectively.

I can't help but think of King David, the beloved Psalmist, who was also a flawed character. And yet, God uses him, and his path as a leader,  to show us the value of mercy, the power of humility, the design of Love -- which is to reform and to heal.

Or what about dear devoted -- but confused and conflicted -- Peter. So willing, but so ambitious.  This disciple was distracted for so long by the success of others, vacillating in his allegiance, scolded for his competitiveness, and yet he becomes one of the most prolific early Christian healers.

Or me... 

We are all, as Tenth Avenue North sings, more than the sum of our past mistakes.  We are constantly being remade, renewed, reformed in the likeness of the original -- divine Love.

So today, I am going to stand on my spiritual tiptoes, eager to see what God -- through the offices of president-elect, citizen,  conceding nominee -- will drawn from that deep well of impartial and universal good within each of us. What am I willing to bear witness to? Will I celebrate the first sputterings of grace, applaud the humility which necessarily flow from the demands of leadership. Am I be willing to let something new rise from within me as I accept my office as citizen under the leadership of this new president.

Mary Baker Eddy assures us in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

"Our disappointments
and ceaseless woes,
turn us like tired children
to the arms of divine Love,
then we begin to learn Life
in divine Science."

I was very disappointed.  I felt like we could be facing a ceaseless series of personal and societal, local and global woes. But here's the deal. I want to learn Life in divine Science. I want to learn more about Life as Love. So if this is the beginning -- count me in.

This afternoon, my post-election prayer is a simple one -- one I pray daily:

"Thy kingdom come,
let the reign of divine
Truth, Life, and Love
be established in me,
and rule out of me all sin,
and may Thy Word
enrich the affections
of all mankind
and govern them." 

This Daily Prayer by Mary Baker Eddy brings me great peace. I know that I can no longer afford the luxury of continuing to see anyone as separated from God's allness (the claim of sin) and that I must trust that His Word is enriching our president-elect's affections for good -- and governing them. The government is upon His shoulders, not his. He will reign with loving kindness and with mercy -- I trust Him.

offered with Love,

Kate

"I choose You...."

"…I choose You
All my attention, affection
And all my devotion's for You
If everybody's worshipping something…
I choose You

Before I chose You,
You first chose me
I worship You,
You alone are worthy

You alone deserve it-
all of my worship
Lord I choose You…"
-Point of Grace

Someone asked me today if I had made my choice of candidates for this historic presidential race.

I spent most of the day thinking about this question, as well as why I actually feel so at peace about where my heart is on the extraordinary privilege of electing our next president with my one vote.

For me, it boils down to the simple message found in the above lyrics.  I chose Him/Her.  I choose to commit my life and my choices, my thoughts and decisions to my highest sense of what most honors my devotion to God.

When weighing my options during this election season, I've found guidance and direction in this simple, yet profound, passage of Jesus Christ's from Matthew:

"...Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand,
Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom
prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat:
I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink:
I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me:
I was sick, and ye visited me:
I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying,
Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee?
or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in?
or naked, and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the King shall answer and say unto them,
Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto
one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

This is my model for true servant-leadership.  My candidate will be the man or woman who first chooses to serve the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, the imprisoned…the widow and the fatherless, before he, or she, asks me to choose him…or her. 

Each of us will stand in the voting booth with our God and our one vote…I can't wait.

With Love,
Kate

"...nobody's right if everybody's wrong..."

"…There's battle lines being drawn,
And nobody's right if everybody's wrong.
Young people speaking there minds,
And getting so much resistance from behind.

It's time we stop, hey what's that sound,
Everybody look what's going down…"
-Stephen Stills

As I watch candidates and voters in farming communities and cities across Iowa preparing for tonight's caucuses I can't help but remember my own early forays into the world of political campaigning, protest marches, and cause-specific rallies.   I loved uniting with others who were passionate about social justice and deeply committed to what we believed.  We were right…well, actually we were left…but either right or left, we were right…right?   Most importantly at the time we, at least, thought we were right.  And if we were right, everyone who didn't agree with us, who didn't hold similar positions on policy…were wrong.  Right?  It got very confusing.

I still love the fellowship of a shared vision for social change, justice and reform, but an epiphany I had almost fifteen years ago altered the way I approach "campaigning".

It was late Spring of 1994 and a small band of men and women from selected cities across the United States had been invited to a retreat near the ocean.  For the most part we came without question.  We came because we believed in a message,  and we shared a vision for how to better disseminate that message to a larger audience.  Little did we know, although most of us intuited, that the demands of carrying out that mission and the resistance we would face in doing so, would be great.  Before long, campaigns were launched in each of the cities we represented to rally opposition.  The key points in opposition to our mission and focus were echoing through the chambers of thought and spreading like wildfire through a late summer field of prairie grass.

Soon meetings were being organized for each of the cities in question. It was our hope that through these meetings we could control the blaze.  Our intent was to provide a forum for addressing known objections, while also providing each city's point person with a platform for answering some of the questions, misinformation, and concerns with relevant facts.  We hoped that this would free us up from the constant need to correct misunderstandings about our mission,  and allow us to better carry out our objectives.  So that our messages - from city to city - were consistent, talking points were developed and conference calls scheduled so that we were all speaking with one voice.

As the date for our first informational meeting drew closer I found myself going over and over those talking points hundreds of times a day.  But a funny thing started happening.  Instead of just rehearsing the facts, I began having imaginary rejoinders with make-believe opponents.  I would imagine their objection and then I would argue, based on the developed talking points, for the rightness of my case, our mission.  These fantasy arguments always put me in the role of being right…and thus leaving anyone who objected to my position as…wrong.    Right?

One day, after a long flight to Baltimore from Denver, I found myself exhausted from what I thought was preparation for our first meeting.  I had spent the entire five hours of our flight going over those same talking points, praying for courage in facing expected resistance, and mental arguing with a fantasy opponent.  Like an athlete after a rigorous workout, I was finally ready.  But for what?   I thought it was for our first "confrontation" with the opposition (even though I didn't think I was thinking of everyone who would be coming to our meetings in those terms), but what I didn't realize was that God had other plans for me that day.

As we arrived at my friend's home she headed into the kitchen to pick up the phone which was ringing as we opened the door, and I placed my luggage on the floor at the foot of the stairs just inside the entryway.  While she took her call I placed my hand on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs and it was as if that post was connected to a hot electric wire.  A shock went through me with such force that I seemed to be stuck to the wooden post, unable to move and frozen in time.  Now, it was a beautifully carved wooden post…there was no electrical shock involved, but a phrase asserted itself with such force that I was suspended in thought, unable to shake myself free…free from a uncontrollable freefall from the heights of self-righteousness. 

The phrase that came was:

"free moral agency"

Nothing more…nothing less.  It is a term that Mary Baker Eddy uses in her writings three times (I've copied all three following this post for your reference), but this thought didn't come all tied up gently in a neatly quoted passage.  It came with the simple and direct power and force of an electrical jolt that held me suspended in time until I heard the impact of its message.  And I did.  I heard…and more importantly I felt,  these words with new meaning.  For me, the message was, "Do you not trust that each individual has an indissoluble relationship to the divine and that He alone acts as the only agent of change, the only voice of reason defining right and wrong for that individual…it is not your right to trespass on that holy ground…it is not your right, duty or privilege to convince anyone of anything.  You can share your experiences, you can share your perspectives, you can answer questions based on facts you have gathered or been given, but you must leave their conclusions as to right and wrong to God….the only one who has access the that province…the kingdom within them".  

I suddenly felt this absolute certainty that God really and truly was all-present in the hearts and minds of all "men", that He truly was the only power able to steer, control, or govern the thoughts and desires, motives and actions of anyone.  And because He is Love, I need never worry about where He will lead.   The word "moral", for me, became a word that described that sacred sanctuary of communication between God and man…a space that was inviolate and private…never to be trespassed upon, judged, or manipulated by others.

With that realization the world around me started moving again, I could hear my friend concluding her phone call and I was free.  I was free in a way I had never known before.  I didn't have to convince anyone of anything.  I didn't have to worry that they wouldn't get it, that they might misunderstand our motives, or that I was responsible for changing their minds.  In fact, the thought that I might actually say something that would change their way of thinking was laughable, ridiculous, nonsensical.  I could only be willing to share my experiences, share my perspective, share the facts that had been gathered, but I had no right to trespass on their "free moral agency" or to think of anyone as "wrong"...vs. me as "right". 

Their positions are, for them, as right as mine are for me.  I can trust any adjustments that need to be made...in either of our viewpoints or positions...to God, the only power in the universe.

So, today as I watch campaigns, rallies, marches…and yes, even caucuses…I am rejoicing in our individual  freedom to ardently express our ideas, freely share our vision, generously communicate our passion for a vision…knowing all the while that it is only God who holds sway in our hearts...and the hearts of all men, women...and children. 

On to New Hampshire!

With Love, 
Kate

Citations on "free moral agency" by Mary Baker Eddy
(bolding added for emphasis)
"If, as is indisputably true, "God is Spirit," and Spirit is
our Father and Mother, and that which it includes is all
that is real and eternal, when evil seems to predominate
and divine light to be obscured, free moral agency is lost;
and the Revelator's vision, that "no man might buy or sell,
save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the
number of his name," is imminent.

Whoever is mentally manipulating human mind, and is not gaining
a higher sense of Truth by it, is losing in the scale of moral and
spiritual being, and may be carried to the depths of perdition by
his own consent.  He who refuses to be influenced by any but the
divine Mind, commits his way to God, and rises superior to
suggestions from an evil source."

This conclusion is not an argument either for pessimism
or for optimism, but is a plea for free moral agency,
--full exemption from all necessity to obey a power that should be
and is found powerless in Christian Science. Insubordination to
the law of Love even in the least, or strict obedience
thereto, tests and discriminates between
the real and the unreal Scientist.

Woman should not be ordered to the rear,
or laid on the rack, for joining the overture of angels. 
Theologians descant pleasantly upon free moral agency;
but they should begin by admitting individual rights.
-Mary Baker Eddy

Why shouldn't we...

"We believe in things that we cannot see
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Hands that heal can set a chained man free
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we…"
- Mary Chapin Carpenter

I was talking with a young friend recently and she told me that she thought it was a bit foolish and naïve of me to believe that as a voter I could make a difference in the 2008 election.  "Didn't you learn anything in the 60s?", she sighed in exasperation, "They win…no matter what we do."

Ahh….I remembered that feeling.  It hit me like a heavy wet blanket one afternoon in the late summer of 1972.  McGovern/Eagleton…that was my ticket.  I had campaigned, rallied and fought back tears as we chanted in Miami.  But on August 1st Eagleton withdrew his name, and a candidacy that could have turned the tide on the Vietnam War, was virtually over.  His effort to lift the fog of doubt creeping over the country like a miasma regarding McGovern's judgment (in choosing a running mate who was actually human, a man who had hospitalized himself for treatment of "mental and physical exhaustion") only gave the press more fodder for their mill.  The grinding down of a candidacy…and my hopes for our country…had begun. 

So what has happened to my voter activism in the last 35 years.  Lots.  I became zealous, disillusioned, apathetic, anti-establishment, distrustful, rebellious…hopeful.  Thirty-five years is a long time.  And experience has taught me some important life lessons about the importance of not judging the motives of others.  I may not like decisions that are being made on my behalf, but I have two choices.  I can participate in prompting change and follow through by voting for the initiatives that I believe in.  Or I can pretend that I don't care.  I say pretend, because I am convinced that we all do care.  And why shouldn't we? 

The world is a beautiful place. It is filled with amazing people whose hearts are full of hope.  Each day children in war-torn countries rise from their beds and throw their arms around their parents and grandparents in love.  Every night mothers and fathers around the world commit their hearts to getting up in the morning and going to jobs that they hope will afford them the resources they need to provide their children with shelter, clothing and an education. 

Last Sunday my husband and I sat and watched the Democratic debate hosted by George Stephanopoulos.  I was deeply moved by each candidate's willingness to lay their lives (literally) on the line for others.  I may not agree with one's choices, another's proposals, or think that "that one" should say "this or that"…but they are up there.  They are willing to allow us to scrutinize their lives, their families, their haircuts or neck ties.   No matter how ridiculous that scrutiny is.  They are willing to let their record stand. 

I don't know about you, but I have made more than my share of mistakes.  I have supported initiatives that I thought at the time were reasonable, only to discover that my zealousness was naïve.  I have hotly defended a decision that I later wished I had weighed more carefully before making.  I am not the same voter I was in 1972…and I would guess that most of the candidates are not the same public servants they were then either. 

So why are they up there and why am I watching them with tears running down my cheeks on a mid-August afternoon in 2007. 

I think it is because of hope.  We were all there in 1972 (those of us old enough to vote) and so many of us were deeply disappointed - and to some extent felt deflated - by the election results later that November. . 

But because of hope we haven't given up and it is hope that has kept us returning to the debates, the conventions, the rallies, and the polls.  Hope holds our faith afloat as we wait for the resurrection of our dreams. Dreams of international peace-based cohabitation, socio-economic-enviromental responsiblity and global hand-holding all while singing:

"I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms, and keep it company…"
-Lea Solanga

If you are too young to remember that song…just ask your mother or grandmother to pull our her Gunnesax dress, weave daisies in her hair, and sing it with you on a mountainside.  It's still a great song…even for those of us who have long since given up drinking sugary soft drinks.  It still says, "We are all in this together and if we reach our arms (not nuclear arms, but the hugging kind) far enough we will find a way to live together on this big, beautiful, still somewhat blue, planet. 

So before we attack one more candidate, from the safety of an armchair…because of a past indiscretion, a bad hair day, or a regretted vote on the floor of the Senate…let's please remember that their hope is alive, and well, and ready for yet another foray into the land of scrutiny for the sake of making this world a better place.  Not just for their own children…or even our own children…but for the children in Darfur, Baghdad, Delhi, Detroit…  It makes me weep with gratitude…and believe.  But then…why shouldn't we?

"We believe in things that we cannot see
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Hands that heal can set a chained man free
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we

We believe in peace within every heart
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Burning brightly, brightly in the dark
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we

So come on darling feel your spirits rise
Come on children open up your eyes
God is all around
Buddha's at the gate
Allah hears your prayers
It's not too late

And we believe in things that will give us hope
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Let your voice be heard, celebrate your vote
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we

We believe in things that make us all the same
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Love belongs to all in deed and name
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we

And we believe in things that can't be done
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we
Lift up your heart, put down your gun
Why shouldn't we, why shouldn't we

We believe in things
We're told that we cannot change
Why shouldn't we
We had heroes once, and we will again
Why shouldn't we

So come on darling
Come on children
God is all around, Buddha's at the gate
Allah hears our prayers
It's not too late…"
- Mary Chapin Carpenter

It's never too late…to hope…

So...why shouldn't we?
Kate

[photo credit: Bernie Boston - The Washington Post]