“to be the new girl...”
This beautiful piece of music by Paul Collier is called, "Alone in a Crowded Room" . There are no lyrics to reference as an epigraph. But the emotions it evokes speak as deeply as all the right words.
I was the new girl. Always the new girl. Year after year -- the new girl. The girl who never eats lunch but lives in the library. The girl who is never without a journal and pen, so that she has someone to "talk" to. Is it a wonder that when the "devil" wants to make me feel insignificant and small, it will insinuate those feelings upon moments of self-discovery, and opportunities to be made new.
Silly devil, I am on to you -- and your tricks. I have reclaimed being "the new girl," for divine Love. Yes, I am the new girl, but I am not afraid and alone anymore. I am no longer the waif sitting in the cafeteria with my nose buried in a book -- well maybe sometimes -- but now, I am there with that book because I am learning something new about myself and the world around me. I am writing in a journal because I am discovering that the world, and the people in it, are notable.
Today, I want to be the new girl. And as uncomfortable as I know it will make me, as many difficult memories as it will trigger in me -- I embrace it. I belong here. There is a promise here, and I am going to experience it.
To be new, is not to be afraid and alone, small and over-looked -- it is to be given the opportunity to walk away from past stories and into the light of a new version of your timeless self. And because that new girl is not yet known, it often feels like I am watching her from a safe distance. I observe her steeling herself with the courage of knowing who she is at her very core. I hear her praying in the midst of a hundred voices humming like a beehive. I watch her step away, just long enough to remember her worth. I love her. I love her willingness to show up in that space.
A song from our hymnal says that:
"New occasions teach new duties..."
I now welcome new occasions. They not only teach me new duties, but refresh ones that I have long-loved. I love the moment that comes just as I enter a "new space," I am the new girl, filled with fresh hope, a quiet wonder, and the certain sense that God is Love -- everywhere I go.
So, if you are in a crowded room, and you are the new girl -- embrace it. Let it truly make you new.
And if you are in a crowded room, and you are quietly observant enough to notice the new girl -- make eye contact, ask her a question, smile in passing -- you may have just discovered a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.
And when she returns from her maiden flight, she will light on you.
offered with Love,
Kate
