"...That part of me left yesterday
the heart of me is strong today
No regrets im blessed to say
the old me dead and gone away.
Ohhh, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just trying to find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone..."
If you are familiar with this song and have issues with certain words used in the rap portion of this song, I apologize in advance. But this song, quite literally, insinuated itself on the landscape of my heart today and begged to have its sobering, and yet encouraging message of reformation and redemption pondered more deeply.
I am including the link to Justin Timerlake and T.I.'s Youtube video of "Dead and Gone" for your thoughtful consideration. It's provocative backstory is the context by which some of its questionable language begins to make sense. It sets a scene...one in which the miracle of hope rises from cracked asphalt like a Phoenix leaving behind the ashes of hatred and discouragement.
Walking by an urban convenience store/gas station this morning, waiting in line behind a young man...ipod blaring loudly enough for me to hear the music from his earbuds, and then again overhearing it drifting from a young couple's radio in the park...I couldn't help but smile each time the chorus resurfaced through the briskly delivered rap narrative.
I didn't need to know the rest of the song...this line, "The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone..." brought quick tears to my eyes. Is it really possible to find that kind of freedom from the past? Or more importantly, is it possible to walk away from a past view of ourselves, and the roles we think we have been handed in life? You know the ones, those graphic character descriptions in the front of a tattered, dog-eared old "ego" script we've been carrying around with us for way too long, handing it out to everyone we meet and asking them to read lines with us. Can we really drop the script and confidently tell that slimy "director" we aren't interested in being cast in that ridiculous role..."thanks, but no thanks, for that script to nowhere!"
There was a time when I may have only had the courage to whisper "yes" to others...patients, friends, loved ones. But today I say "yes" resoundingly, I laugh "yes", I sing "yes" at the top of my lungs while I dance my "yes" in the streets, with tears of joy streaming down my cheeks and a smile as wide as the Mississippi spread across my face.
It is never too late to find real freedom from a false view of ourselves, and the way that this false "ego" acts out its hideous, gargoyle-like part. This false ego has never assimilated itself into the fabric of our real being. It has never become one with the man, woman, or child "us" God knows, loves, preserves, and defends as our one and only true "I am," the consciousness of His presence in, and as, our only Life...our only Reality.
There is a way. There is a way of being in this world that is free of all the old stories we tell ourselves about victimization, broken dreams, self-promotion, and crippled potential. We are NOT those stories...no matter how long we have been repeating them to ourselves as our truth...or our parents' truth or some badge of courage based on overcoming a "real" enemy...those perpetrators called mistakes, chance, misfortunate, or heredity.
There is a path towards lasting freedom, waymarks along the way, as well as wise and loving guides to help you stay the couse. More on this in the future. But for now, I think I'm going to go have a cup of tea, a piece of dark chocolate, and sit in the sunshine celebrating "new views of divine goodness and love"*...it's a pretty great day to be alive to my child self...no ego, no past, no ambition...just happy to be sharing the planet with each of you...
"...I turn my head to the east
I dont see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
swallow that pill that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
the new me will be alright
Ohhh, I've been travelin' on this road to long
Just trying to find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone..."
I am so grateful...for "all things new"...
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS
*Spiritual development germinates not from seed sown in the soil of material hopes, but when these decay, Love propagates anew the higher joys of Spirit, which have no taint of earth. Each successive stage of experience unfolds new views of divine goodness and love." - Mary Baker Eddy
[Photo credit: Meghan Laningham]
