"all you have to do is call..."

 "you just call out my name, 

and you know wherever I am, 

I'll come running to see you again.

 

Winter, spring, summer, or fall

all you have to do is call,  

and I'll be there;

you've got a friend..." 

This Mothers' Day, I am thinking about a dear friend and mentor. I am celebrating her in my heart of hearts.  Her recent passing has been one of the hardest losses in my life.  She taught me what it meant to mother a world -- as well as daughters, sons, those who call this office for support, neighbors, and "strangers" on the street.

There were so many times over the course of our friendship when I felt very alone in the twenty-four/seven demands of this work.  There were so many Mothers' Days -- both before and after children joined our home and family -- when my heart was confused or broken, hopeless or overwhelmed -- and she was the calm voice at the other end of the phone.  

Today, I would have given anything to hear her voice.  I listened to favorite songs, hoping to find some comfort, and it was finally Carole King's "You've Got a Friend" that unlocked my heart and allowed my tears to flow freely.  

I could tell you hundreds of stories about her kindness and grace.  I can't open a page in my life's story - at least not in the past 35 years - that she hasn't touched.  And I am not exaggerating, not one bit.  Whether directly or indirectly, her voice left its soft imprint on almost every facet of my heart since we met.  

And the lovely part is, she never tried to do that.  She never asked me to give her credit -- in fact, she would have been horrified if I had.  But I am more compassionate, less self-focused, infinitely more kind and honest because of her love, example, encouragement -- and gentle rebuke.  

And in all the years of our friendship, I never felt special to her -- or even wanted to.  I felt peace.  I felt hope.  I felt seen.  I felt innocent in her heart and in her eyes. 

There was a time, many years ago, when I was so lost and frightened that I didn't know where to turn.  The situation was beyond imagining.  I was a young mother with very young children, no money, and suddenly facing homelessness -- I was paralyzed with fear. We hadn't spoken in a couple of months, but at that time things were simply wonderful.  Soon after however, our family circumstances had shifted drastically.  And I was embarrassed and overwhelmed.  No one knew how bad things were -- and I wasn't about to tell them.  In my life, I was supposed to be the one helping others - it felt beyond the pale of the ego to imagine asking anyone for help.  

Then one night, when we were at the end of our options, God said, "call her."  Oh how I wanted to.  I just wanted to hear the calm in her voice.  I wrestled for hours with: Should I? Could I? What would I say?  This was long before cell phones, and I was grateful that our temporary housing had a phone in the room.  The children were fast asleep and I was alone in the dark.  I picked up the phone and dialed her number.  

When she answered I couldn't speak at first.  I just started weeping.  For the first time in almost a month I felt not-so-alone.  Without asking any questions, she spoke to me of God's love.  She encouraged me to trust.  She said that she knew how much I loved and trusted God.  Then we hung up because it was a long-distance call and I didn't think I could pay for more than a few minutes.  

But it was like Love had switched on a lamp in the room.  I felt peaceful and calm.  I knew the answers would come.  I knew God had brought us together as a family and would sustain us. I could feel the trust that she knew was there all along. 

The next morning, a cashier's check arrived by courier.  My friend had sent enough money to give us room to breathe.  We had never talked about money the night before.  I had not shared with her our financial circumstances.  But she knew.

That same morning, I was led to a solution that completely turned our situation around.  Within days we were back on our feet, housing restored, and a path forward that only hours earlier I could not have even imagined.   It was a pivotal moment in our lives -- and it was filled with clarity, purpose, and an opportunity to serve in ways I hadn't considered before. 

I was soon able to pay my friend back the money she had so generously sent.  But, as often as I told her how grateful I was for her generosity, kindness, and compassion that dark night - she always reminded me that it was God who had moved us both towards eachother in a moment of Love's opportunity.  Her humility and grace were unbounded.  

Since her passing, I have felt every emotion I never expected to feel.  I have felt loss.  I have felt sorrow.  And, I have felt a broader sense of Life and a deeper sense of what eternity is. I have wept tears that have had no clear reason or meaning -- except that when they have dried, and my breathing returns to "normal," I feel a love that is present and substantive.  I feel as if my feet have been washed with those tears. 

I am not going to include quotes in this post. I am going to let its message pool in my heart.  

For all the ways she nurtured, and corrected, and encouraged the best in me - I am more grateful than I have words to say or write.  

offered with Love,

Kate 

"i believe..."

"I believe most folks
are doing about the best they can;

and I know there are some things
that I will never understand..."

It must be Carrie Newcomer season in my heart. I can't seem to get enough of her lyrics or her music. Her beautiful  "I Believe,"  reminds me of something my husband often says:

"Everyone is doing the best they can
with the information and experience
they have to date."

It's become an axiom for me. I return to it whenever I feel exasperated by someone's choices, words, or actions - even my own. I am doing the best I know how, based on the information and experience I have to date - at each moment.

None of us is intentionally doing our worst. I truly believe that.

I don't think I could live in a world where I thought that people were intentionally setting out to hurt, trick, use, or abuse others. Where people could "go rogue," and had the self-determinism and power to extricate themselves from God's omnipotent control.

But, there are days when holding-my-toes-to-the-fire of really living this Truth is difficult and painful. There are times when injustices feel intentional, and unkindnesses seem deliberate. When greed appears to rule over charity, and lust for power over humility. But even then, I know what I believe. And I believe that God is supreme. Always supreme - not just when someone consents to His sovereignty.

For you see, this is not about another person's choices or actions - for me. It is about my relationship to God. Do I believe that He is all-powerful? Do I trust His promise that we are all His children? Do I honestly believe that we are made in His image and likeness? Governed by love? Our affections enriched by His Word?

Anything less is a violation of my love for Him, and my trust in His care. And isn't this the most vital act of love for God - to trust Him? As a parent, there is nothing more loving than to have our children can say, "I trust you mom."

Well, I trust You, dear Father-Mother God. I trust that You have all of Your children under Your divine care. That each of us is learning lessons that may not be clear to us when we look at one another's path from the outside. Who am I to judge another person's journey.  The arrogant may be on their way to a remarkable lesson in humility. The greedy to learn something new about charity.

I have to trust our common Father to know the lessons we each need on our journey from sense to Soul. From seeing things through the distorted filter of personal sense, to experiencing life through a clear God-centered lens of love and trust.

In her Manual of The Mother Church, Mary Baker Eddy shares this "Daily Prayer" under the Article "Discipline" for members:

"Thy kingdom come let the reign
of divine Truth, Life, and Love,
be established in me
and rule out of me all sin,
and may Thy Word enrich the affections
of all mankind and govern them."

This prayer is with me all day, every day. It brings focus to my discipleship. It shows me whose sins I should be aware of, and addressing -- mine. And then it encourages me to leave the affections of others, to God's care and government.

What we love determines who we are. I can leave mankind's love for charity over greed, patience over frustration, integrity over corruption, kindness over absorbed self-interest - to God. To God's Word speaking directly to every man, woman, and child's consciousness.

This prayer, coupled with my husband's constant reminder that "we are all doing the best we know how with the information and experience we have - to date," - has brought me much-needed peace in these troubled times.

God is informing each of us, and He is giving us experiences that will soften and strengthen our hearts. And as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can inform our neighbors about value of consideration, honesty, thoughtfulness, integrity -- not by our words, but by our actions. And in shared loving company we add to to one another's library of experiences to draw upon. For, in the words of Ram Dass, aren't we all just "walking each other home?"  

This is what I believe.

offered with Love,

Cate 

"because he first loved us..."

"Friend, I know your heart is raw
But love is still a worthy cause
Picking up and pressing on
Oh, love is still a worthy cause
Like the touch that starts the thaw
Oh, love is still a worthy cause
or the word that breaks the pause
Oh, love is still a worthy cause..."
-Sara Groves

Watching  the BBC and MSNBC, listening to NPR, praying, contributing, weeping...my heart leaps, and crawls, and keens...

Sara's "Love is Still a Worthy Cause," lifts me up, dusts me off, hugs me tightly, and takes my hand...and pulls me back into the light of praying, serving, giving...loving.  Please take four minutes to watch this video of "Love is Still a Worthy Cause."  Jesus' example of loving beyond what is reasonable...of loving us first...inspired her, and is more than enough for me.

As she shares in this video...

"God goes to great lengths to come find me,
to come into my chaos, to come and walk into my despair,
to bring hope to me.
He has been so generous to me, I can't help but be generous.
He's asked me to pay attention...."

Thank you Sara...you've given words to what is in my heart. This is the poem that flowed from my pen today:

"You've taken this too
far"
his mother says
as he
braves the buffeting
of strangers...and those who once
asked him to dinner...
the curious and skeptical, who
now greet
him with 
raised fists...

"he's pushing himself," they say
to within a stone's throw - 
just
far enough...
beyond the precipice
of his falling
out of
favor

it is enough already..
you've raised the
dead,
cleansed lepers,
turned water into wine,
fought demons...

why do you need
to turn
the mirror of Truth
on the hypocrisy of leaders
priests
the holy men
of
the temple...

why do you feel
you must
love the adulteress,
eat with sinners,
exalt Publicans,
feed the poor,
and travel with women...
asking us questions
giving voice to the voiceless...

they would have loved you
they would love you still..
if only you would try to fit in
just try
to
see things their way
and be the Messiah
of their
imagining.

a living
but slightly compromised
Messiah
must be better
than a crucified King of Kings...
what gospel
can you preach,
what good can you accomplish
from the lonely precincts
of a tomb...

How will you convince them
of your divine
heritage
if you are not here to argue
in your own defense?

Are you not low enough
humble enough
broken enough...
a crown of thorns,
the taunting,
the lash, the gall...
to lift yourself
to the
heights of who you are and
who I always knew
you could,
would,
might,
must be...

oh woman
your love is great
you want so much for me...
but I want even more
for them

prophets and god-fearing men
they have always had,
the sage, the devout,
the good...
they already are

to save oneself
is what would be expected
of someone who prays
for the deliverance
of the chosen...

but
to love one's enemies,
to feed the stranger
and the ones who worship differently,
to forgive when betrayed,
to heal the ear of the soldier
who comes to arrest the innocent...
to love,
to love...to love "even this" ...
is a divine
surprise
an arresting, shocking,
paradigm-altering expectation

they will stop and wonder
...
and in that space
of suspended animation
a gasp of grace
an updraft of Spirit
will occur
leading thought to
soar, sweep
catch the thermal
of higher aims
more demanding moments
of unreasonable love

the kind of love
you taught me
when...still, just a girl yourself...
you
walked
with dignity and grace
above the
soft jeering and
the whispered stares
of the
rightly righteous
considering your story...

I have learned well
from you

wait for me...
I have a divine
surprise
even
for
you...

a message of love
that will live
forever...

"The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself in the service of others."
- Mahatma Gandhi

thank you Sara...with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

"Come with what's in your heart..."

"Come with What's in your heart
We all have our cross to bear
The sweet will grow sweeter
And you will be freer still
Come with what's in your heart...now"
Mary Huckins

It was one of those days when I felt as if I couldn't get traction on my best laid plans. I'd spent the morning thinking about the i the subject of "charity." I needed to compile inspirational citations for a church meeting and I longed for them to have the ring of Truth. What I really wanted, was to be moved by a perspective beyond the view from my office window.  I wanted to feel the deep drawn breath of humanity. To be filled with its hunger, and itsdefinition of true charity. 

All morning I'd imagined carving out an hour or two to return to our old neighborhood in the city. There, the hungry and homeless share the sidewalk with college professors and graduate students.  I knew that in this environment of social diversity, any citations I'd chosen would either ring true with meaning, or fall flat on the face of pretense...rather than practice.

But as hard as I tried all day to make it happen, my visit to the old neighborhood just wasn't in the cards, God had other plans for me. 

A last minute appointment, scheduled just before I had to pick the girls up from school, took me in exactly the opposite direction of what I'd intended.  I found myself in a suburban Starbucks where luxury cars -- rather than shopping carts filled with redeemable soda cans taken from trash bins and dumpsters -- defined the socio-economic baseline.

At first I was disappointed and cynical.  I'd longed to feel the want and woe of a neighborhood in which "need" trumped "want".  I couldn't imagine that I would run into anyone in that Starbucks who needed anything, much less charity.

But, I'd long-learned to trust that God was the Captain of my comings and goings. And that if He had led me there, and it was He who had put this desire in my heart to practically demonstrate, and apply these Bible-based principles...relating to the subject of charity... wherever I was, then this was exactly where I needed to be.

As I sat there praying, I couldn't help but notice, through the front windows, a large SUV pull into the parking lot.  A teenage girl and her mom got out and approached.  The mom was broken. There was no other word for the look in her eyes.  It was clear that there had been harsh words, and the mom's face was stoic, but pained with heartache.  The daughter's face was critical and cold.  The look she shot in her mom's direction was one of disrespect and disdain.  But her mom moved through the space between the car and the front door of the coffeehouse with dignity..reaching deep within herself for love, patience, and poise. 

I admired her grace.  It was palpable in the spite of the daughter's angry sniping at her heels.  All conversation stopped once they entered the store until mom turned to her daughter and quietly asked her what she would like from the barista.  A curt response followed and without reaction, the mom ordered graciously, thanking the boy behind the counter when he repeated the order perfectly and completed the transaction.

As I sat there, I realized that this woman was hungry.  She was as needy as anyone I might have met on the streets of my old neighborhood.  She needed kindness and understanding, and as a mom I I understood.  I was filled with admiration for her poise.  I was overflowing with an awareness of how truly beautiful her patience was in the face of disdain.   Although I was a bit embarrassed...not sure if she would think I was a bit odd...I rose from my chair and followed mother and daughter out of the Starbucks.  I called to her and she stopped and turned towards me.  I said to her, "You are beautiful.  I couldn't help but notice the dignity and grace with which you hold yourself.  I hope your daughter sees how beautiful you are."  She just looked at me and asked, "you really think I am beautiful?" I said, "Yes" And then I looked at her daughter who had a look of true surprise on her face as she said, "Do you really think my mother is beautiful?"  Again I said, "Yes, I think she is very beautiful...so graceful and beautiful."  With that, her daughter's face softened into a child's and she walked over to her mother and put her arm around her shoulder and said, "I think you are beautiful too mommy."  The mom looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "You just made my day.  I needed this.  Thank you." 

I learned so much in that encounter.  More than money, food, or a place to live, we all need to be seen for who and what we are.  We need to be seen for what we love and how we love and live. 

I learned that my view of that woman and her daughter was the most valuable thing I could give them.  More desirable and hungered for than gold, or cars, or a mansion on a hill.  And I had lots and lots of that kind of "seeing" to spare.  I had so much I could give it away all day and never run out.

I also learned that I should never prejudge anyone's experience.  Our gifts are needed everywhere we go.  We can never go to, or find, a place that is free of the need for spiritual gifts...compassion, understanding, generosity, kindness, long-suffering, genuine interest in another's life. And sometimes those gifts lead us to the sharing of a sandwich, a bus ticket, and most importantly, a cup of cold water in Christ's name. . 

Mary Baker Eddy says:

"The rich in spirit help the poor in one grand brotherhood, all having the same Principle, or Father; and blessed is that man who seeth his brother's need and supplieth it, seeking his own in another's good. Love giveth to the least spiritual idea might, immortality, and goodness, which shine through all as the blossom shines through the bud."

This passage took on new meaning for me the other day.  I realized that Love gives me...even when I think I have the least to give...might (the possibility to make a difference in another's life), immortality (the tirelessness of invigorating compassion), and goodness (helping someone see the good that is already present in their lives when it seems obscure) to bless the life of someone else.  In that moment of giving I realize how rich I am...I have something to give. 

Or as Peter said to the infirm man:

"Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have, give I thee..."

This spiritual giving was foundational to my mother.  When faced with opportunties for charitable giving, or philanthropy...even as a widow with eight young children and nothing in her bank account...she would affirm, for her own edification, as well as for anyone who thought they might try to convince her to hold back her widow's mite, "my children have the right to be generous."  I now realize what she has always understood, that giving is as fundamental as breathing to the human heart.

All you need to do is "come with what's in your heart".  Enjoy this beautiful song performed by one of my favorite Colorado-based folk/bluegrass/country bands, Dakota Blonde, and written by their lead singer and our friend, Mary Huckins. 

What is in your heart...right now...

with love,
Kate

[photo of Carol & Lizzie by Scott MacKenzie 2008]

"I saw what I saw, and I can't forget it..."

"Your courage asks me
what I'm afraid of,
and what I know of Love..."

I love Sara Groves music.  Her song, "I Saw What I Saw," underscores what I have discovered through my work with adolescents who are under hospice care.  My husband, after hearing this song said, "She knows you, doesn't she?"  Yes, she knows me. 

But I believe that this song must resonate with every humanitarian, spiritual caregiver, counselor, or aid worker who has every taken the admonition to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, feed the poor, visit the fatherless and widows, care for the untouchable, loose the prisoner of his bonds."  I believe that these demands on us are not about our own nobility and another's want or need, but a Father's lessons in grace. Lessons in which we -- as caregivers -- discover our true identity and worth. And the "cared for" are graciously allowing us to learn from them about courage and humility. 

Hospice is just one of the many classrooms I have been privileged to enter, and it has changed me.  But I have also been changed by reading to children and counseling moms in a battered women's shelter,  by serving meals at a homeless center, and by serving as a chaplain in hospitals, prisons, and jails.  However it is my time as a hospice volunteer that has taught me the most about courage and hope.

Hospice care provides support to patients and their families through palliative care, life transition counseling, and pastoral (or spiritual) care,   Hospice services are provided in hospitals, private facilities, and in homes where patients can live surrounded by their loved ones and in an environment that is familiar to them.  

This volunteering was not connected with my work as a Christian Science practitioner (providing spiritual treatment) or under the auspices of hospital chaplaincy.  This was simply an opportunity for me to give at a time when I desperately needed to feel that I could make a difference.  It was about hand-holding, cool compresses, warm blankets, and listening -- lots and lots of listening.

And this work did change me.  It asked me what I was so afraid of. It asked me to consider what I was really made of. And it asked me what I truly knew of God -- of impartial and universal Love.

I remember one night when a young patient watched as his mother slept fitfully by his side, slumped in exhaustion. He summoned every bit of strength he had to reach out and touch her face. 

I remember a father who worked two jobs to pay for medications so that his daughter could live pain free, even though his rigorous work schedule deprived him of precious time with her.

The teenager who surmounted his own fear of death so that he could sit at the bedside of a friend. And the tired nurse who found the inner strength needed to comfort yet another family who'd received an unthinkable diagnosis.

Through this work I have learned that questions about death are irrelevant to those who are living with every fibre of their being -- one moment at a time.  Living "in the moment" is not a self-help ideal, it is a present awareness of the power of Life asserting itself. 

Our Father-Mother God loves us. He/She wants us to discover the depth of our living. Loves us enough to ask that we go to the bed of pain, walk with our brethren along the road of want, lift up the broken and despairing -- and with each step, be made new.

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road,
cut me to the soul..." 

offered with Love,

Kate