"Falling slowly..."

"...You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along..."
-     Glen Hansard

[a note written to a new friend...shared at her suggestion, and with permission..in her hopes that it might help others]

Dear Friend:

I am so glad you thought to call.  I know how hard these months have been for you.  I couldn't help but think of the above verse from "Falling Slowly" after our conversation this afternoon. 

I know how hard it is, because I have been there myself.  I have been on the battlefield with that false sense of self...the one that tries to convince me I am not worthy of life, love, or compassion. The one that insists my mistakes, or the mistakes of others, have doomed me to a life of perpetual regret and self-doubt.

But those suggestions are not my voice, and they are not yours either.  This inner battle, this relentless warfare with the ego, is not an indication of your weakness, but of your strength.  The "you" that somehow knows these suggestions of self-hatred and self-destruction are wrong, the "you" that picked up the phone, and called for help, the "you" that, as Dylan Thomas once said:

"Rages against the dying of the light"

this very "you" is tangible proof of the Christ in human consciousness.  This "you" is rising, like a phoenix, from the ashes of despair. She is refusing to let a voice...a voice so unlike God's...lull her into a stuporous state of tolerance. She is unwilling to accept a life that lacks joy, purpose, vision, and hope.

That false voice would never, ever,, in a million years  allow you to pick up the phone and advocate for the real "you," by asking for help in this warfare.  It is the Christ-consciousness, present as your very own thinking, that fights despair, holds onto hope like a drowning man, and knows that there is always an answer, always another way of living, always a different way of looking at yourself. 

It is this Christ-consciousness, operating as an insatiable hunger for healing, that remembers something Mary Baker Eddy describes as:

"A great sanity,
a mighty something buried in the depths of the unseen..."

and it:

"...has wrought a resurrection among you,
and has leaped into living love."

When these suggestions rail against your peace, you can stand...mentally still and immovably fixed...on the certainty that God's love for you...and your purpose in serving Him...is all that rises from the ashes of self-immolation.  Nothing else survives. There is no lingering smoke, no smell of fire.

In another of her writings Eddy urges us:

"Be of good cheer; the warfare with one's self is grand; it gives one plenty of employment, and the divine Principle worketh with you, - and obedience crowns persistent effort with everlasting victory. Every attempt of evil to harm good is futile, and ends in the fiery punishment of the evil-doer."

The evil-doer is never a person...and certainly never you...or me, or any of God's beloved children.  The evil-doer is the suggestion, that comes as the sound of our own voice (in our head).  A voice that insists that we are unworthy of love, goodness, happiness, health, and peace.   That we are incapable of being generous, confident, non-judmental (of ourselves or others).  A voice that hisses like a snake, "you don't make a difference...so why even try?"

But there is always an ember of innocence and joy...a hunger to love and be loved...waiting to leap into living, breathing, palpating affection.  It comes in the voice of a remembering of who we are, and were, as children.  Fearless, generous, spirited, and pure.  We remember. 

It comes as the call...the desire...to mother, to husband, to teach, to heal, to serve, to curl up in the arms of the kinder, gentler "I am" within us. 

This very call within us is the presence of the Christ.  And the Christ that is making that call for help, is the same Christ that is present to answer the call. 

When we stretch forth our hand, to reach for the proffered hand of one who is offering help, we are feeding their hunger to serve humanity by helping others. 

This giving and receiving, is a cycle of divine light and love, refreshing and redeeming each of us, through mutual attention and approbation. 

And it's in the wake of this divine calling, that all are healed and restored. When we rise to a new view of our God-appointed (and annointed) mission in life, nothing can depress our hope, curse what God has blessed, or cause us to doubt the value of our contribution in the lives of others.

Dear sweet friend, thank you for giving me the opportunity, today, to watch my own phoenix-self rise. Your call has given me the gift of knowing that I, too, have a purpose . I cannot be my best self without you...and therein is your purpose today, you are important, vital, needed, valued. 

Your life has beautiful meaning in this moment of mutual giving.  Your hope that you make a difference, that your love matters, and that you are loved...is fulfilled.

You have won...
with affection...and with Love,
Kate

[photo credit: Ashley Bay 2009]

"...to be simple..."

'"Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right."
- Elder Joseph

"Simple Gifts" happens to be one of my favorite songs…of all times.  In the last few years I have been learning the true beauty of its message.  But as with all things spiritual, the depths to which we can plumb an idea is unfathomable in its inspiration, practicality, and application.  

This past week "simplicity" has been a powerful theme in my prayers…and in my approach to choices and decisions.  What is the simplest route to a destination?  How can I simplify a concept shared, directions for a recipe, the steps in accomplishing a task.  What are the simple joys of family?  How can I bring greater simplicity to my spiritual practices.   Little things like packing for an overnight, choosing a gift, praying with a friend, were more joy-filled and fitting, as I let simplicity be my criteria for human actions.

In the third volume of his biographical trilogy on the life of thought-leader Mary Baker Eddy, Years of Authority, Robert Peel shares Eddy's criteria for the workers in her household.  Eighteen years ago, after reading this biography, I adopted them as the standards by which I "run" my own inner household.  They are:

close attention to detail
strict neatness and order
a simplified and systematic way of life
and
a breath-taking genius for improvisation

It was once shared with me, by another of her biographers, that Eddy believed the fourth, that "breath-taking genius for improvisation," could only be accomplished after mastering the first three.

So "simplicity" and I go way back.  I love harvesting my life's baggage.  Clothes not worn are recycled, cooking is done is small enough portions so that we don't have left-overs, and I try to never touch a piece of paperwork twice…processing it the first time in comes through my hands as often as I can.  One of the ways that I have been recently inspired and blessed by the demands of simplifying my life has been in my listening to God when praying and giving treatment.  Simplicity has been a gift that keeps on giving.   

But this past week, right in the midst of this movement towards greater simplicity, I found myself wrestling with a decision that seemed so complex in scope that I tossed and turned for hours and hours in the dark trying to find direction and peace.

I lined up pros and cons, I measured and re-measured the impact of each possible outcome, I wrestled with cost analyses and the consequences…of taking the left or right turn…on everyone involved.   One moment the left-hand choice seemed so obviously right.  And in the very next moment, the right hand was even more right than the left.  I was so far right at one point that I had circled back to left because I couldn't remember where I was.  As you can see…confusion ensued and I was dizzy from the journey.

It was at this point, when it all felt like a blur of human choices between two rights and no real wrongs,  that a conversation with my husband brought the light I desperately needed.  I was in the dark trying to find my way out of the complex labyrinth I had wandered into - with all my human reasoning, pros and cons, weighing of cost, value, consequences and impact studies - when he called.  He had been harvesting some files and came across a note to himself with this statement (if anyone recognizes it and can share its source please do):

The simplicity of the Christ,
untangles the complexity of human affairs.

Something in me clicked.  All my wrangling and wrestling had been based on nouns.  Persons, places, and things.  But for me, the Christ is a verb…and is all about verbs.  Motives, intents, actions.  What were my motives, what was the intent, what did I need to be doing?  The nouns, the whos and wheres would fall into place, clearly, when I was sure of the verbs.  So then I thought about what would accomplish the greatest good for the greatest number…not me or him, or her, or them...but all. 

Which option was Christ-like…kind, non-judgmental, honest, selfless, pure, compassionate, humble, good, meek, caring?

It was clear…there was no decision to be made, no choice to consider…just a simple direction to begin walking in. I have no idea where it will lead. I only know that by keeping my focus on the simple verbs of Christianity, those verbs will give birth to whatever nouns are needed to carry out their mission and purpose. The same way that light in the first chapter of Genesis, gives birth to the sun. The verb, light (isn't this what the sun does...light our path, lighten the universe), came first...the sun naturally followed.

I'm looking forward to this journey.  I'll be embarking on a path I've never taken before…someone once said to me (and again if you know the source of this statement, please share it with me so that I can give proper attribution):

If you want something you've never had
You have to do something you've never done.

This level of simplicity is something I've "never done"….perhaps I'll get to that "breath-taking genius of improvisation" someday, but for today, tis' enough of a gift…to be simple.

Simply with Love,
Kate


If you love Alison Krauss and Yo-yo Ma's version of "Simple Gifts"as much as I do, here is the link to that recording as well.

"What you think of me...."

I was taught to treat people with love and respect, and I thought that would result in others responding in kind.  But I have discovered that sometimes they don’t.  This sometimes feels unfair.  Then comes the temptation to try to “fix” the way they think of me.  I want to correct any misconceptions, bad vibes, or feelings of being wronged.

The other day I walked into the local coffeehouse for a hot chocolate and was delighted to see a young man that I've known since he was a boy. I greeted him with "oh my gosh it is so good to see you".  Yet my greeting was met with unmistakable disdain and dismissal.   I was so baffled that I forgot to order my drink.  I mentally went over every possible thing that I could have said or done to deserve that kind of treatment. Soon I realized that I was viewing him with the same lack of charity that I felt I had received from him earlier.

This realization was a critical moment for me.   I knew I had to find a different starting point when facing unkindness.  There’s a book I turn to along with the Bible that gives me practical guidance in my life.  Its author, and founder of this newspaper, Mary Baker Eddy, writes in her text Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, "The starting point of divine Science is that God, Spirit is All-in-all, and that there is no other might or Mind." - 275:6

What I had to understand was that my peace doesn't come from assurances that everyone likes me or approves of my decisions.  My peace must come from somewhere much deeper. It has to come from somewhere God-based and unmoveable, grounded and unshakeable.

So I adjusted my perspective on trying to figure out the possible reasons that others might treat me in ways that I felt were undeserved.  I realized that I didn't need to wonder “why” or "what if", because I knew "what is!" And what is, is that God, good is omnipresent, omnipotent, supreme good, operating unspent and without fail in each of us. I don't always have to know what another is thinking, has thought, or may have been inclined to think about me.  What I do always need to know is that God is the only Mind taking thought for either of us.   That’s my secure starting point.  If more needs to be known about another’s view of me,  then God will care for that in His own way, in His own time.  

We all exist within the embrace of divine Love.   Such an embrace shifts our focus away from winning each other's hearts or affections.  Instead we aim to win the war against those suggestions that would have us doubt one another's motives, question each other's responses, assume judgment or disdain, or think that there could ever be anyone outside of that circle needing to be drawn in. We are all "under the control of the one Mind, even God", as Eddy says. It's time to learn to let go of those uncomfortable, questionable moments at the start...with the right starting point.

Noted civil rights activist and speaker Melba Beals is attributed as having once said, during a youth conference: "What you think of me is none of my business. How I think of you is all that counts." I'm with Melba on this one. All that really counts in my practice of Christianity is how I am thinking about, and treating, others.

I think I'm ready for that hot chocolate now, please....






Kate

Heroes

It seems, these days, that many of my heroes are quite a bit younger than I am.  I realized this one morning when I was feeling decidedly uninspired and one of my Sunday School students' Instant Messaging tone rang through on my computer letting me know that she wanted to chat.  I pushed myself out of the comfy chair in my office and shuffled over to my desk, thinking of how generous I would be in having this “chat” with her instead sitting in the sun like a cat and praying about the depression-like feelings that were again descending around my shoulders like a damp fog along the ocean on a summer evening.   But was I brought up short. 

This 19 year old Mother Teresa was just "being in touch"  to let me know that she had been praying for the world and God told her to check up on me.  Check up on me????   My first reaction was how bold...here was a teenager checking up on me, her Sunday School teacher and the Christian Science practitioner she herself often called for healing through prayer.  But my second response was awe.  At her age I would no more have had the courage to follow through on that message from God…much less praying for the world before I went to school.  I swallowed deeply and decided to be honest with her.  Thank you, I began, I needed to be woken up from the mesmerism of dark thoughts and personal doubts seeping into my day by her tender care.  My young hero offered to pray for me and within about 24 hours I was not only free from some of the depression-like symptoms I had been struggling with off and on for about a year, but I began to find some spiritual clarity in direction about difficult decisions that I had been struggling with and avoiding for some years.  This young woman taught me much that day about Christian courage.

Another young hero is my friend, Dee.  Dee is a nickname given to young man whose large family moved to the United States from Africa in order to enroll he and his siblings in a school where character education is still being pioneered a century after it was first founded.  Dee, although an excellent student and athlete who would have been eagerly received at a number of colleges and universities following his graduation from high school, chose to enlist in the United States Army rather than accept scholarship and grants that he was extended in order to help fund his younger siblings education and assist in supporting his family.  Dee is a man of great humility.  A man who would never "put himself out there" and yet his integrity, humility, strength and grace were recognized by his superiors during his basic and specialized training and he was recommended for a commission to West Point based on these qualities alone.  Six months earlier Dee wasn't even a citizen of the United States, today his is serving this country in Iraq while waiting for his orders to “show up” for his first term at West Point.  When he called from Fort Hood Texas to let me know that he had received his commission he asked me to be discreet in sharing his news as he didn't want to seem less than humble in speaking about this extraordinary unfoldment of good in his life.

Heroes aren’t always people we look up to…sometimes they are people we haven’t even had the grace to look at…who…for whatever reason…become central in our lives.

The Good Samaritan represents that kind of a hero for me.  The man who is left wounded on the side of the road probably wouldn’t have chosen the Samaritan as his good buddy, but he never had a greater model of human heroism than the man who only days before would have been a stranger and a foreigner to him…a nameless face on a rocky path.

So…today as I go about my day…I am going to look for heroes in unlikely places.  I will try to listen to a child with more expectation that this may be the very voice of God in my life…and maybe, just maybe I will hear that message of forgiveness, mercy, or tender care that my heart is crying out for…or maybe I will be given a reason to smile…a hug on the run….a offer to take my hand as we cross the street …these too would be the gifts of a young hero to the broken-hearted or the wounded…

Where will you find a hero today?







K.