Showing posts with label sharing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sharing. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

"it's all a part of sacrament..."


"it's all a part
of sacrament,
as holy as
the day is spent..."



Oh Carrie, you never let me down. When I need a song to speak my heart, I can always find one in your catalog. Thank you for "Holy as the Day is Spent," It is perfect.

I don't know if there will eventually be a song to go with this post -- if one come, wonderful. I will have posted it above, if you are reading this.  However, this piece is not song-driven, but love-demanded. It is a post of gratitude.

Sometimes a friend's contribution to the color of our lives is profound, but deeply subtle. Her impact on me is just that -- profoundly subtle, but infinitely rich.

You see, when I met her, I was older, but she was wiser and more sophisticated in ways that I didn't even know existed. The woman I am today, wears the impress of her love for all things beautiful.

I grew up in a house without art. Or at least that is my memory. I remember there were two paintings on canvas boards that were hidden away in a box.  They were from my mother's brief exploration into the world of painting as a child. But I cannot remember any other artwork on our walls, save the refrigerator art of 8 children.

By the time I met her, my collection of artwork was limited to a few framed prints and a wooden deer that an old friend had carved from a piece of maple he'd found in the Maine woods. I didn't know, what I didn't know. And I didn't know what it meant to love -- what I'd rarely been exposed to -- original works of art in a private home.  Oh, I was very aware of museum art.  But real people didn't own paintings, they only owned prints of paintings that hung in museums.

But my friend knew that original art was accessible, and rather than make fun of my "collection," she began to introduce me to her love for the way light catches the texture of actual paint on canvas. She sowed in me a love for the rich colors found in textile antiquities.  She cultivated in my heart a hunger for original works of sculpture that could be touched and held in your hands -- rather than just look at from the other side of a velvet rope at the Museum of Fine Arts.

We never talked about it. Her cultural awareness, my naivety -- but it was always there.  This actually surprises me today.  I was shy, but I was also quite eager to learn. I think that by the time we could have discussed it, I was too embarrassed to tell her that the framed Sargent print I'd purchased at the MFA Gift shop, was the finest piece of art I'd ever owned. So, I just watched her navigate the world of real art. And I watched with the absorbed interest of an acolyte.  I wanted to know everything, and she was generous with her sharing.

I remember the first original piece of art I purchased for my own space. It was a small oil on canvas by a young artist whose work made my heart tighten -- and I loved it. From there I branched into larger pieces with a bolder confidence in my own preferences for color, subject-matter, texture.

Before I knew it, I'd discovered the joy of patronage. To find a young artist whose work delighted my soul, and to begin  collecting, or gifting, his/her original work.

I remember asking my husband once if there was anything that he had always wanted -- thinking he might describe for me a particular model of car, or a signature guitar. But he became very quiet and told me that he had always wanted to own a painting by a childhood friend who had become a fine artist. He loved his work. That sealed eternity for us in my heart. And although gifting him with that painting took a couple of years, it is still one of my favorite moments in our marriage.

Now you may think that this is a strange post for someone who writes about the intersection of the spiritual and the visceral. The collision of the inner landscape with the outward experience. But that is just what this post is about.

For me, art is a sacrament. Webster defines "sacrament" as:

“an outward and visible sign,
of an inward or spiritual grace..."
 

Yes, this is what this post is all about. It is about a woman who introduced me to the sacrament of beauty. The "beauty of holiness.:  She could have left me to my own sensibilities. But instead she shared with me her love for what had life and texture, visual pathos and poetry.  I love her.  I think of her each time I escape into the deep and sacred space of a Brooks Anderson landscape, a Melissa Miller sky, a Caitlin Heimerl vista, a Debra Myers abstract, a Nancy Pollack "equation," a Carol Carter bird-in-flight, a Lillian Sly floral, or a Duncan Martin shoreline.

Today, our few walls are lined with the paintings of artists we love -- and believe in. Some have been purchased on a "whim" and others on installment plans. While we drive old cars, and buy most other things at resale/consignment shops, we invest in art. We invest in the birth of beauty, rising from the hearts and hands of those who are boldly and courageously willing to share their inner landscape with us. 


I cannot begin to say how grateful I am for the kindness my friend showed me in taking me to her favorite galleries, lunching with me at the Museum of Fine Arts - while discussing a recent exhibit, allowing me to hang her textile fragments in my office, introducing me to Shaker simplicity, or sharing her love of texture and color with me as if I were her peer in appreciating art. It changed me.

And yes, there is now a song. You may have noticed.

offered with Love - and fathomless gratitude to you -- my dear friend,


Kate


Sunday, November 1, 2015

"you don't belong to me…"


"You belong to me,
you belong, you belong,
you belong to me..."


No, not anymore. Not really ever.  But there were so many years when I thought that having someone belong to me was the essence of true love. To be mine exclusively. To be my husband, my daughter, my friend. Carly Simon's "You Belong to Me," was my anthem.

I played it loud.  I sang along with it on car trips. It was my weapon of choice -- I fought with it, coiled in my heart's back pocket. I wept to it in the shower. I believed it was my right to hold on.  What was I thinking?

For all those years, if you had asked me if thought I understood the nature of Love, I would have said, "yes."  But, it took having all that I loved wrenched from my death grip, to discover that Love doesn't possess -- it surrenders. Love doesn't seek to own. Love doesn't need to control. Love trusts.

For such a long time, the penultimate model of human love was knowing that someone belonged to me, and to me only. To be in an exclusive relationship meant I was special. But I have learned that true love is inclusive, not exclusive. Love never leaves anyone out. Everyone belongs in the all-embrace of true love, not to others.

My daughters have taught me more about inclusive, all-expansive, surrendering love than any other one thing in my life. From the get-go, as an adoptive mom, I've had to surrender any possessiveness -- any sense of them being "my daughters." They have always been our daughters -- their birthmother, their dad -- and, eventually, their step-mom and step-dad.  And that was only the beginning.  They have beloved friends, coaches, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, counselors.  Rather than them belonging to me, I belong with them in this incredible sense of family.

In fact, just when I begin to think that we have the family tree trimmed into another neat shape, it grows new branches, sprouts new leaves overnight.  And what I am discovering is that we will never be a neat, trim little bonsai tree.  We are messy and wonderful.  We belong to a constantly unfolding, ever-expanding family of love.  I've long-since thrown the tree-trimming tools in the dumpster. 


The world is constantly parading a version of love in front of us that is full of ownership and possessiveness.  Some of those traditions, provisions, and contracts of partnership are beautiful and practical.  But they don't give us the right to enslave one another.

I remember well the day that God answered my prayers for help in "fixing" a relationship I'd clung to for dear life.  His message to me was:


"Do you love him enough, 
to let him go?" 

The answer was immediate. I did.  And so, I did.  I let go.  Since then, actively letting go of "owning" the people, places, and things that I love, has been the most perfect sense of living in grace for me.  


Letting go has also given me the gift of an infinite, and eternal, sense of love.  A love that is not based on sharing time or proximity of space -- but a love that is fully defined by what I hold dearly in consciousness.  This is where love is timeless, invulnerable, and fearless.  I can't help but remember what Paul says in Scripture:  



"neither height, nor depth, 
nor any other creature can separate 
us from the love of God..." 

This is the love that I seek in myself -- to love the way that God loves.  To love without permission, and without condition.  A love that, as Mary Baker Eddy states in  Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:




"cannot be deprived 
of its manifestation or object." 

I cannot be deprived of it, because it was never "mine," never owned, never personally possessed. 


Lately I've been working to change my language when it comes to love.  Rather than referring to the girls and Jeff as my daughters or my husband, I am using their names.  These small shifts have allowed me to step back from everything passing through the filter of "my" relationship with them, into a larger sense of their relationship with God and their world

Rather than thinking of this as my home or my town, I have been thinking of it as a wonderful place that I am blessed to share with my family, friends, and neighbors.

Today I realized that I no longer want someone to belong to me.  I want each of us to belong to God, and to the vastness of His infinite, eternal love for all of us.  


with all my love -- and with Love,



Kate




Monday, December 24, 2007

"One little Christmas tree..."

"One little Christmas tree was standing alone
Waiting for someone to come by
One little Christmas tree that never had grown
Cried as he looked up to the sky

Oh please Mr Father tree, the tallest of all
I'm so afraid and alone
Could one little Christmas tree so tiny and small
Light up someone's home…"

- Stevie Wonder

By the time my daughter was in seventh grade, finding a Christmas tree was something we did without question on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving at our favorite tree lot filled with tall, elegant evergreens.  We liked Frasier pines…they stay fresh the longest…and weren't averse to spending whatever the going rate was for the perfect specimen. 

We bought new strings of tiny white lights each year to replace those that had burned out or had missing bulbs, and added to our store of hand-made and carefully chosen ornaments each season.  There was never a question about having the perfect tree in the corner…or by the window…it was a non-negotiable. 

And this Christmas was no different.  By Thanksgiving morning our tree was sparkling… dressed in twinkling lights and years of memories symbolically captured in glass, fabric, paper and porcelain hung delicately from her branches.  We all loved sitting in the front room with the fireplace crackling, something baking in the oven and the Christmas tree in the corner.  The sparkle of hundreds of little lights danced to the sounds of Bing Crosby, Karen and Richard Carpenter, or Jewel, and all was well with the world. 

I hadn't forgotten my own Christmas tree roots…years, as a child, and then again after my dad passed on, when just "getting a tree" was a miracle of grace…much less putting presents under it.  But I didn't want my own daughters to ever have to worry about whether or not they would have a tree.  That was our responsibility as their parents…wasn't it…to make sure they never had to worry about those things.  Or at least that was what I thought until that one cold December night just a few days before Christmas.

Our daughter had plans to spend the afternoon with her best friends, a brother and sister she did
everything with throughout the school year.  The Christmas break had included many trips between our home and theirs.  Since, if they were awake, they wanted to be together.  I dropped her off that morning with plans to pick her up in the afternoon, but later in the day she called breathless with excitement.  They were in the middle of a big secret project, she told me, and could she please stay until later in the evening.  Our plans were flexible and so I asked her to call me when she was ready to come home.

When she finally called much later than I had expected, but not unreasonably so, I drove over immediately.  She bounded out the door as soon as I pulled into the driveway and the minute I saw her face I knew something extraordinary had happened.  She was fairly glowing from within. 

As she buckled herself into the passenger seat and I eased our car down the driveway, it all started to tumble out of her.  They had had the BEST day ever.  It was clear that the Christmas spirit had found its way straight to the deepest regions of her heart.  And once I heard her story, I understood why.

She explained that she and her friends had been hanging out at their house when she discovered  that the reason her friends didn't have a Christmas tree was that their mom, a single parent raising four children on her own, couldn't afford one. As they talked about it,  it occurred to them that a man sold Christmas trees in the parking lot of a department store about a quarter of a mile away.  Perhaps if they pooled their money, they could find a little one that would work.  So off they trotted, bundled in every bit of winter wear they could find - loose change and crumpled bills in their pockets - to the Christmas tree lot. 

The man was willing to sell them a full size tree, but then they needed to get it back to the house.  Their only option was to drag it all the way back…a route that was uphill all the way.  It took them "forever" and it was bitterly cold that day, but they had done it!   After they got it home, into the house, and in the Christmas tree stand (Oh how I wish I could have seen those three kids, 12 and 13 years old, wrestling a tree into a stand) they found the lights and decorations that had been left in boxes that year, and proceeded to turn it into the perfect gift for my friend, the children's mom.   As my friend recounted, just a week ago, "It was the best Christmas gift ever!"  Our daughter had stayed late enough to be there for her friend's mom to come through the door and be surprised.  This was the reason for the joy and happiness I had seen glowing from within her as she hopped into the car that night. My friend and her children had given my daughter a gift greater than gold.

She had been given the gift of giving of herself…in pooling whatever modest amount of money she had with her, in braving the cold, and in struggling with her friends to wrestle an unwieldy Christmas tree across the snow and ice in the last light of dusk, she had been so deeply blessed. They had given her the Christmas gift that I had failed to realize she needed most…the right to sacrifice something of herself…for others.

I had tried, over the years, to make it all so beautiful and easy.  To never let her worry about finances, logistics, wrestling with things that were difficult…to never feel the cold or be deprived.  But that night I realized that some of the greatest moments of my own childhood were forged under the stress of circumstances.  When things were hard and we had to pull together, when we were far from family and had to huddle closer to keep warm, when the winds of sorrow or lack left us clinging to one another for a reminder that we were not alone, and when wanting to give to one another led us to finding creative ways to be generous.

So this year I am thankful for that evening.  I am grateful for that brilliant glimpse my daughter had...of her best self.  And I am so grateful for the reminder that the best gift we can give our children (or ourselves) is the gift of giving...really giving. Not just giving my children money so that they can go out and purchase a gift for a teacher or a friend, but opportunities to get outside of themselves and experience, truly experience the gift of giving something so exquisitely beautiful and treasured…their own heart's rich overflow of love, and hope and goodness.  With this kind of giving, everyone is blessed…in ways that echo through time and eternity. And we just might find that we are not only lighting up someone's else's home, but our own heart...with love.

Have a blessed Christmas,
Kate