"humility and manhood..."

"when the dreams
that you're dreaming
come to you,

when the work
you've put in
is realized,

let yourself feel the pride;
but always stay humble and kind.

“it won't be wasted time,
so always stay humble and kind...”

When this post started percolating, it wasn't hard to find a song to give it voice. Tim McGraw's  "Humble and Kind"  couldn't be a more perfect.

This morning I heard a little boy stand up in a gathering of his peers -- and some much older and very much-admired young men -- and say, "we shouldn't just be focusing on our own personal achievements, but we should be helping others too."

It wasn't a big deal in the context of the meeting's purpose - encouraging spiritual thinking. But it was so brave in the context of a current world mindset - one where competition and comparisons seem to thrive, and humility and the celebration of another's gifts, is seen as weakness.

If you know my husband, you know that he is the least competitive man on the planet. I think he has a "genetic" predisposition towards letting the other guy go first, encouraging his "opponent" to succeed, and lifting up the guy in front of him - or behind him, as the case may be. It is what I love most about him. His lack of self-promotion. His natural inclination towards helping others find their place in the world -- even when it means stepping aside himself. In fact, more often than not, I have seen him not only step aside, but have used his own time in that "space," as an opportunity to better prepare that place for his successor. He is a nest featherer -- for others.

And this morning, as I looked around that room full of boys and men, I could see my husband as a little boy. Scrawny-bodied, horn-rimmed glasses, a mop of floppy hair in a nondescript color. Imagining this was not hard, since there were a dozen photos of him on the wall. And thinking about that little boy, my throat tightened - not just with love for him, but for all of the humble and kind men who had helped to raise him to be the man he is today.

Around the world, at dinner tables and in locker rooms, at bedtime and on the playing field, fathers and mothers, coaches and trainers, are being given a platform for encouraging a version of manhood that will be either self-focused, or service-focused. This morning I heard fresh promise in the voice of a young boy. He is choosing to serve others as he navigates a world full of competition and personal ambition.  He is choosing humble and kind. And, he is recommending it to his friends, mentors, and leaders.

Years ago, when our daughter was playing club volleyball, a weekend tournament was being held at a private girls school known for its privilege. The parking lot was filled with luxury cars, and the host team entered the gym carrying monogrammed backpacks. I have to admit that I was a bit intimidated. But when I exited my Jeep, and looked up at the stone wall of their beautiful large sports complex, I saw this quote:

"Humility isn't thinking
less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself - less."

It caught me up short. I decided I was going to look for humility that entire weekend. And you know, it was everywhere. Those moms arriving in sleek sports cars and tank-like SUVs, were spending their weekend serving home-baked brownies at the snack table. Those monogram-emblazoned team members were cleaning the locker room between games. Their booster club was selling snacks to support a sister-school in another, under-privileged country.

Humility is not weakness -- it is our greatest strength. It is not the conquering of others, but the conquering of selfishness, pride, and arrogance. Humility confidently sets self-concern aside, knowing that one's truest self is spiritually designed, defined, and governed by God. Humility frees us to fully use those God-given talents and strengths for uplifting,  serving, encouraging, and revealing the gifts in others. And in doing so, we improve the world we live in.

Today, I was so moved by the humility of a young boy. Each day I am deeply touched by the humility of good men. Good boys, good men in a good, good world.

Mary Baker Eddy gives some sense of this, in referencing Shakespeare, when she writes:

"Let your watchword always be:
“Great, not like Caesar,
stained with blood,
But only great as I am good.”

Here is to good men, nurturing good boys -- to be humble and kind.

offered with Love,

Cate

"Keep the candle burning..."

"All it takes is one steady heart,
in a world that's turning...
Shine a light and pierce the dark.
Keep the candle burning,
keep the candle burning..."
-  Point of Grace

"Keep the Candle Burning" by Point of Grace reminds me that there is a vital year-round relationship that runs like a thread of gold, between Adventure Unlimited campers, counselors, and senior staff.  Each contact...each letter, Facebook message, phone call, and email...has encouraged, and strengthened my daughters' love for good.   Each contact keeps the "camp" candle burning in their hearts throughout the year, until June rolls around and we are driving through the gate again.

I love watching the girls' faces light up when we run into former camp counselors at school events, or after Sunday School in church.  It makes me smile to hear them Skyping with camp friends, laughing and giggling, on a Tuesday night in November, when swimming their horses in the Sky Valley lake is only a memory.

But it's the camper notes that really carry me through the year. 

At the end of each session, cabin and program counselors write personal notes to parents about their children.  These notes are filled with spiritual insights about each camper's strengths, contribution to camp, and a window on them at their best, most selfless selves.

At our house, I can be found eagerly checking the mailbox each day for the post-camp packet that comes filled with messages of gold...camper notes!  Bunkhouse camper notes are in one color, and program (waterfront, horsemanship, mountaineering, rafting, theatre-specific areas each camper chooses as their focus for the session) notes are in another color.  Each are read with relish.

I will carry the large white envelope with the red square A/U logo in the left-hand corner to the kitchen table.  I will put on the kettle to make myself a cup of tea and wait for the water to boil, the tea to steep, and pour a fragrant cup of Ginger Lemon Grass tea into my favorite hand-painted periwinkle, yellow, and white mug.  Then I will take the envelope with me, out onto the front porch, settle into an Adirondack chair, and open it carefully. 

It is a holy moment.  I will soon be reading the careful script of a counselor who has loved, nurtured, and encouraged the very best in my daughter for four of the most important weeks of her year.   I will have the sacred experience of looking at my daughter through the eyes of someone who has placed extraordinary demands upon her...to live up to her highest spiritual potential...and has seen her step up to that opportunity and discover new things about her own fathomless gifts with courage and grace.


After I've read each camper note a dozen times...or so...and shed more than a few tears of amazement  and deep gratitude, I will call the girls down, one-by-one, and read their camper notes with them.   It is a time of remembering, a time of celebration, and recalibration.  It is a time for each of us to align our home-based expectations of who she is and who she has the potential for being,  with what we both know she is capable of.

She will bounce off to tell her sister that it is her turn now. And while I wait, I will read her notes one more time before I turn my complete attention to her sister.  

For a few weeks I will leave them in a folder on my desk to revisit...often..  Then I will place them in each girl's Adventure Unlimited folder in my filing drawer. 

I have every camper note my children have ever received. 

Twenty-one years of camper notes.  I will often pull out each of my daughters' "camper notes" folder throughout the year...and just remember.  I will use them to recalibrate my own expectations, to refocus, to refresh my inner browser to the most beautiful "home page" about each of the girls.

One day last winter the girls had a bit of cabin fever and were bouncing off the walls, and into eachother, for a few days.  They were bored.  There was nothing to do.  They were prickly.   I was starting to believe this was what, and who, they really were.  They were pre-teen twins who'd really "had enough" of one another's company.  But something told me to pull out their camper notes from last summer.  So I did. 

There they were, lime green and hot pink half sheets of bordered paper covered in tiny careful script.  Thoughtfully worded reports about the genuine goodness of each of the girls.  They were joyous, cooperative, deeply caring with each other and their cabin mates, eager to be helpful, self-starters who took initiative without complaint.  Ahhh...I felt like a reformatted document.  Perspective refreshed, expectations recalibrated based on this "better lens" on my daughters' true identities.

These camper notes are always at the front of my file drawer.  I would grab them in a fire.  They are one of the most valuable "heirlooms" I will hand on to my children.  To see themselves through the eyes of counselors who expected the best from them...and always saw it.

Thank you to each counselor who has "beheld" my daughters' spiritual identity, born witness to her at her best, encouraged her to trust herself to the breadth and depth of God's abundant gifts of love, and has, with great thought and care, labored over...draft after draft...of the right words, perfectly telling us just what you have seen. 

Your role in keeping the candle burning, the flame of spiritual awareness alight, the incandescence of our highest expectations aglow throughout the year, is a most precious gift.   It reminds me of Mary Baker Eddy's statement in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

"Jesus beheld in Science the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals. In this perfect man the Saviour saw God's own likeness, and this correct view of man healed the sick. Thus Jesus taught that the kingdom of God is intact, universal, and that man is pure and holy."

Bearing witness to the best in eachother, whether we are campers, counselors, sisters, neighbors, or work colleagues, is the best gift we can give one another.  It is the breath of Spirit on a flame that is burning low...helping it to leap to the heights of holiness.

Thank you for seeing the best in our children...thank you for sharing your perspective, and thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully put your thoughts down for us to read, and to cherish...for a very, very long time.

More love, and gratitude, later from the porch of Crowsnest....
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credits: Ashley Bay 2009/Anna Glotzbach 2009]