"i have a Voice inside of me..."

"I have a voice,
simple and clear;
it speaks the Truth,
for all to hear..."

This afternoon someone posted Kinard Middle School's video of their student choir singing  "I Have a Voice." It moved me deeply.

It speaks to me of a prayer from my own faith tradition -- Christian Science. It is a short prayer that the founder of Christian Science, Mary Baker Eddy, included in The Manual of the Mother Church -- a document that helps members of her church self-govern. It is called "The Daily Prayer," -- and it reads:

"Thy kingdom come
let the reign of divine Truth, Life, and Love
be stablished in me, and rule out of me all sin,
and may Thy Word enrich the affections
of all mankind and govern them."

This prayer is fundamental to my own spiritual practice. I don't just pray with it daily, but many times throughout the day. It it a prayer of guidance. And it is a prayer of promise.

This song, "I Have a Voice [here is a link to the Broadway Kids performance]"  affirms the last line in the Daily Prayer, which reads:

"...and may Thy Word
enrich the affections
of all mankind
and govern them."

Throughout the day, when I hear reports of contention, discord, or disappointment -- I return to this prayer. I trust its message. We all have this Voice speaking within ourselves. No one is left operating in a vacuum. This Voice guides us, corrects us, assures and comforts us. Nothing can silence it. No one can interfere with it, or take it from us.  I trust its presence.  I trust its power to reach each of us -- right where we are.  We only need to be still.  And in this stillness we hear the Voice - and know.  We just know.  We know what is good.  We know what is true.  We know what we love.

From the tiniest baby to the centenarian, we all have this Voice within us. My children and grandchildren have this voice speaking to them as they navigate college, work, school, home, sports. Our neighbors, colleagues, friends and world leaders have this same Voice speaking to them.

I trust this.

It gives me hope.

offered with Love,

Kate

"lost inside a wishing well…"

"When everywhere you look,
you see regrets.

Caught up in the past,
and what might have been.

What we can never know,
will make our heads spin.

A little love, a little trust,
a lot of forgiveness..."

Every few years I seem to need to spend a day or two soaking on the message in Ellis' poignantly lovely "Right on Time." It is a musical antidote to the futility of self-doubt and regret.

There was a time when my time when every day was a battle for confidence. Not so much in my ability to carry out tasks, be creative, or express courage, but to trust my ability to pause, listen for spiritual guidance, and act with courage.

I cross-questioned every choice. I doubled back on every decision. I returned purchases within moments of leaving the store. I cancelled almost every plan. What seemed wise one day, felt foolish the next. I felt like I was on the verge of tumbling down a steep hill since every step I took had the potential for misplaced footing on loose ground.

And it all had its roots in regret. I'd been faced with a difficult choice. I'd prayed deeply. Listened humbly. Waited patiently. When clear, Love-based spiritual guidance came, I didn't question it -- I trusted and obeyed. I assumed that because the guidance felt so clearly God-impelled, that the ensuing steps would be understood and well-received. But they weren't.

Before long the doubts expressed by others, became my own. And a decision that was now irrevocable, haunted my confidence and made me question my ability to actually hear God's voice. For me, there was nothing more terrifying. If there was anything I was sure of, it was my relationship with God. I trusted it above all else. To have that shaken was beyond comprehension. I didn't know how to go forward.

It was about that time that I began to pull back from trying to be all things, to all people. I hunkered down in the silence and gave myself permission to ask all of the hard questions of the heart. I was willing to be wrong. I was willing to be told -- by God -- that I'd made an error in judgment. That I'd misinterpreted His message. That I'd been willful. That I'd made a huge mistake, and that my decision would forever haunt me. Anything but the feeling of being misled by Love.

But I got none of those messages. What I did get, was a Scriptural reminder. One that stopped me in my tracks. That on the heels of God's most precious act of love and affirmation for Jesus -- anointing him with the Holy Ghost, descending like a dove upon him and assuring him that he was His loved son in whom he was well-please -- he sent him into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil forty days and forty nights.

This may seem like a strange comfort, but it wasn't. I realized that God's love for me didn't mean that I wouldn't face temptations. Especially the temptation to doubt Him. But, that I would be given the opportunity to prove my trust that His Word - alone - was operating in my heart. No matter how others might interpret His guidance -- I knew His voice, and the language of His speaking. It was Love.

As I navigated these deep waters, I couldn't help but think of those who had been there with Jesus following his baptism and anointing. Did they wonder why he wandered off into the wilderness instead of taking up the mantle of his new ministry? Did they question the direction of his path -- shouldn't he be heading back to Jerusalem?

The timing was not his to choreograph. The direction of his path, was not his decision. How could he regret choices that weren't of his to make. He trusted -- even in the face of doubt. The temptations weren't about behaviors to avoid. They were the temptation to abandon his trust in God. He was being given a gift. The opportunity to truly trust his Father's voice.

This was my first step out of doubt and regret. I might not understand what was to come or where it would take me, but I no longer doubted that God was at the helm. I would not abandon ship.


In her compilation, Miscellaneous Writings 1884 - 1896, Mary Baker Eddy shares:

"We have nothing to fear
when Love is at the helm of thought,
but everything to enjoy on earth
and in heaven."  

Little by little, I let myself trust again. I learned to listen without condition. I stopped believing that a particular outcome was the measure of God's guidance. His timing became my "right on time" -- not the other way around. I was willing to sit in the space of not knowing "why," and still trust that where the voice of Love was leading me -- however unclear to my human sense of things -- was a place where I would grown to trust God more.

I discovered that the goal wasn't to get it right, the goal was to deepen into an unshakable relationship of trust with my Father-Mother God. This became everything.


offered with Love,

Kate

"Proceed as the way opens..."

"I do not ask to see
the distant scene --
one step enough for me..."

This version of "Lead Kindly Light," takes my breath away.

Sometimes I feel the urge to get out ahead of the moment. To manage potential risk by securing promises, guarantees, outcomes -- even from God. I want to know "how" something is going to work out, where the funds will come for a project, or whether there are obstacles in my path that I can anticipate and avoid.

Today I was talking with a friend about this very thing. She shared with me a phrase I hadn't heard before. And from the moment I heard it I wanted to have it tattooed on my heart:

"Proceed as the way opens..." 

Immediately I felt a deep and abiding sense of pure peace about how to proceed. When I arrived back at the office I searched for its origin. It didn't take long to discover that it is a Quaker axiom which is defined as:

"To undertake a service or course of action
without prior clarity about all the details
but with confidence that divine guidance
will make these apparent,
and assure an appropriate outcome." 

It resurrected my trust in God's hand in all things -- rather than my own. It helped me remember that every step -- preceding the one we were facing -- had come without bidding. And that all we'd ever done was place our foot on the next piece of flagstone as it appeared. It reminded me that I had trusted. And that all along the way, I'd prayerfully surrendered to this line from a much-loved hymn:

"I do not need to see
the distant scene.
One step enough for me..." 

Nothing had changed. It will always be about where I am placing my trust, who I think has the reins in my life, and in every moment's unfolding -- of all things. It was never, is not, and never will be about a particular outcome.

In Hebrews we are urged to look to "faith" [from the latin: fidere - or "to trust"] as the substance of things hoped for,"the evidence," of things not seen. This trust in God -- as the only Cause and Creator in our lives -- is all the evidence I will ever need to be at peace in each and every moment. Mary Baker Eddy gives us this promise in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

"Security
for the claims
harmonious and eternal being
is found only
in divine Science." 

Security is found only in our understanding of the nature and character of God's Love -- His omnipotent care for each of us, Her always-present guiding of our hearts' desires -- in the choreography of each steps in this great dance of being, by a Divine Choreographer.

This is the only guarantee, the only security, the only assurance worth banking on.  Trusting that God is the only one opening the way, and waiting for that way to be revealed -- step-by-step -- is a sacrament.

shared with affection,

Kate

[photo credit: Kateriina Agnes Fagering]

"Star of wonder, won't you guide us..."

"Star of wonder,
star of light,
won't you guide us..."

Sometimes it is the simplest thoughts that resonate most deeply with us. At least it seems to be that way for me. A clear, true tone of truth reverberates through my being like a tuning fork. I can feel it bringing me into tonal alignment and in perfect pitch with the universe.

My friend Laura Matthews was the first spiritual thinker, I knew, who blogged. Her musings were honest, clear, and simple. I loved them. She encouraged me, and others, to find our voice and speak our truth. Then one day, she stopped blogging. Her writing took her in another direction. She'd stopped, as fearlessly as she'd started.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning once wrote:

"The capacity to terminate
is a specific grace."

It takes a manger-like stillness to hear the voice of angels whispering "this is your path." It takes the watchfulness of a shepherd to see when a faint star is pointing towards a hushed stable, and not be distracted by the bright lights of a bustling inn. It takes a wise woman to know when to turn her back on the Herod urging, and go "home" by another way. Laura has that capacity to terminate...and to courageously begin a new adventure. I watch in wonder, and celebrate in awe.

Laura's still writing. She's still encouraging blossoming writers. She's still making the rest of us "sound" cogent and wise through her editing business. I am so grateful she was willing to midwife the birth of my blogging, and cherish those infant stories. When I think of her, it is always the clear, simple voice of a single star on a December night, the tinkling laughter of a crisp, well-written sentence, the warmth of a kind word falling softly on the page like an infant's breath, that fills my heart. The following post from 2005 is just one example of her voice.


Christmas Starshine
by Laura Matthews

The manger. The animals. The shepherds. The wise men. The dutiful and selfless husband, the willing and innocent young mother. A perfect smiling baby. Compelling symbols of a miraculous event.

The symbol that moves me the most is the star. Each year our star glows brightly at the top of our tree, illuminating the entire room. That beacon light draws us along our journey, closer to Christ with unfailing certainty. It guides us in the quiet of prayerful moments, it lights the way in the darkest night. I look for the starshine whenever I pray.

I know this weekend will be very busy for most of us. I know we're hoping for memorable and pleasant family times, and to please each other with gift-giving and communing. Steal away, though, for a moment, sometime this weekend, and watch for the star. Watch for it with me. Let the star lead our actions. Let it bless us with its light.

And we will see the Christ appearing, in our hearts and our homes.

copyright Laura Matthews 2005


Here is a link to Sara Groves' recording of a prayer, as simple a single star, singing in the stillness of winter's night sky: "Star of Wonder."

Thank you Laura...for sharing your clear voice.... always,
Kate

"Everything in its time..."

"...Some folks try astrology,
some turn to crystal balls...
To find an answer,
to get through it all.
I just fall on my knees
and I try to pray, and
and in the silence I can hear Him say,

'The river runs, and the river hides,
out to the ocean, and under the sky.
I promise you, the answer will come.
Hold on to patience, and watch for the sign,
...Everything in its time..."
- Corinne May

Sometimes I get so impatient with God.  I want to know when...and how, and what, and who.  I find myself asking, "When will you tell me what you want from me?  When will I know, what I need to know next?  Where should I be and what will I do there?" 

This Corinne May song, "Everything in Its Time," is such a great reminder.  It assures me that I can surrender my timetable, and trust His omniscient plan. 

This trust, in God's itinerary, must have been at the core of one 12-year old boy's willingness to walk away from his "Father's business," when his mother interrupted his trajectory, and asked him to continue walking his journey with her for a while longer.  (Luke 2: 40 - 52)  It must have been hard for him, to set aside his own  sense of purpose.  But it was this overarching spiritual purpose, and his willingness to surrender, that his mother "held in her heart," while he matured into the fullness of His Father's promise. 

And it didn't happen over Spring Break,  that "while longer" lasted another eighteen years.  Eighteen years of trusting that the conversation, which he began in the temple with rabbis and doctors, would resume "in its time."

I have been thinking about this...a lot...lately, the surrender of mortal timetables, for the acceptance of an unseen, but certain, promise of divine unfoldment. It is a spiritual posture that requires a willingness to truly trust in the eternality of Life.  It requires a grasp of the fact that we are never, ever, simply poised on a random point along a narrow, limited mortal timeline, but we are always traveling along an infinite spiritual vector. 

A "vector," as I learned from Mark, the nurse I met in a mountain clinic one Sunday morning, is a "line" that has a well-established starting point, and clearly defined direction, but no destination.  A vector continues on infinitely in this unalterable direction...sometimes intersecting with other vectors -- creating points of significance along the way...but never reaching a final destination.

I like thinking of a river in this way. It starts from the mountaintop and flows towards the sea. It doesn't stop when it reaches a lake, a boulder, a mountain...it may eddy for a while...but eventually, it just continues its flow towards the sea.

These points of intersection and significance may often seem like destinations reached, challenges faced, relationships beginning/ending, or tasks accomplished, but they are really only...ever...moments of profound God-based self-discovery, opportunities for lessons in grace, orchestrated rests filled with deep listening, and instances of salvation --  divine "ahas," in which we realize that we are never alone, without purpose, or recourse.

I am gently yielding to this version of living, in which I am simply an eager student along a God-drawn spiritual vector.  I love having a clearly defined starting point for every relationship, activity, and desire. There is real peace in letting go of destinations and outcomes, while staying completely focused on retracing and starting out, each moment as needed, from my one "true north"...God.   It is a divine discipline to constantly be recalibrating my steps according to my true direction...the "hows" of my life...kindness, honesty, integrity, trust, respect, meekness, patience, compassion.

Remarkably, Mary Baker Eddy has given me the clearest, and most profoundly useful, and unfailing instruction for this new approach to spiritual orienteering in her statement:

"The starting point of divine Science is that God, Spirit,
is All-in-all, and there is no other might nor Mind."

This starting point, together with the well-defined MORAL. compass she outlines on page 115 of Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

MORAL.  Humanity, honesty, affection, compassion, hope, faith, meekness, temperance.

have been critical as I've struck out on this journey towards infinitely greater spiritual trust and discovery-based self-awareness that is rooted in my understanding of God. 

One of the questions I have been asking myself, as it relates to direction, is, "what is it that tells me when I am, truly, on the right path?" And one of the answers that revealed itself in prayer, and which feels most authentic, comes from a much-referred to (on this blog) Sara Groves' song titled, "Add to the Beauty," in which she says,

"I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story.
I want to shine with the light
that's burning up inside me..."

That better,  beautiful story, for me, is always going to be the one in which God is the only hero, and the light of His love illumines every narrative, every bit of dialogue, every inner landscape with self-knowledge, humility, love, and grace.

I know that, as long as I keep my starting point, and my moral compass, clearly in focus...I will never get lost in the quicksand of self.  And that I will experience, "Everything In Its Time," because, on a vector, I have an eternity...infinity...to discover all that He has in store for me, and mine, and all...everything exactly as it should be...in its time.

more on spiritual vectors in future posts, but for now...with Love,
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credit: Nathaniel Wilder 2010]

"...guide us with your grace..."

"I pray you'll be our eyes,
and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise,
in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer,
when we lose our way
Lead us to the place,
guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe..."

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago and set it aside, not quite ready to share my heart so openly on a subject that feels so close.  But today it feels right, so here goes:

It was four in the morning and I found myself looking for something to bridge the sadness gap in my heart.  And somwhere between praying for my family, and opening my heart to listen for the world's cry of hunger, I was led to this version of "The Prayer." as sung by Sandi Patty and her husband, Don Peslis.

Sandi Patty is a contemporary Christian singer with the voice of an angel, and a personal story that almost destroyed her career.  In 1992 she divorced her first husband, and soon after remarried Peslis.  Rumors of infidelity tore through the Christian music community like a raging fire, fueled by the kind of bitter disappointment that is reserved only for those whose perceived fall from grace is long, hard, and heart-breaking.  Since then, she has humbly expressed remorse, sought forgiveness from those who may have been affected by her choices, and slowly...and gracefully...rebuilt her career and her music-based ministry. 

It's been eighteen years since her divorce and remarriage, yet Youtube video clips of her recent performances, especially duets with her husband, still elicit sharp criticism, angry invectives, and personal derision. 

Those of you who know me can probably imagine the heartache I feel for them.  They have a beautiful and faithful marriage of eighteen years.  They are deeply devoted to God...serving Him in song, and praising Him "daily in the temple".   They are active members of their church congregation, and according to fellow congregants, their fellowship in Christ is warm and generous, and their philanthropy is deeply felt.

I loved reading her own words as she speaks about her now, ever stronger, relationship with God. “In a manner of speaking, the unconditional love and grace of God doesn’t mean as much to people until they really need it,” Sandi says in relation to that past, “but like the Andrae Crouch song (from her new CD "Songs for the Journey") suggests, 'I wouldn’t trade anything it if meant I wouldn’t have the current understanding of who God is, and who I am because of Him'.”

I wonder if this is what Washington Irving had in mind when he wrote:

""There is in every true woman's heart
a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;
but which kindles up,
and beams and blazes,
in the dark hour of adversity."

Adversity comes in many forms. Sometimes we walk into it by our own choices, and sometimes we discover, like the Psalmist, that "if I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me." No matter what the route, we are there for a holy purpose...there is no other kind. And, "like gold by fire is tested, its purity shown forth" so the dross in our lives falls away in the purifying fires of adversity.

As I watched Sandi and Don singing "The Prayer" in this video from a December, 2009 Carnegie Hall performance, I could feel "the power of the Word"...and I felt like I could actually see the words from this song...living, and leaping in their hearts, their faces, their eyes.

"...I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe..."

I hope you, the readers of this blog, will, as you watch this video clip of "The Prayer," join me in extending your prayers to all who seek mercy and forgiveness.  And I hope that you will bless them with the grace, and hope for redemption, that fills your own heart.  My prayer tonight is "that life be kind" to them. And I extend that prayer to each of us... may our Father-Mother God help us to "be wise in times when we don't know." 

There have been so many times in my life when I have lost my way...spiritual, financially, emotionally, professionally... times when I haven't known whether my decision, to turn to the left...or to the right...was clearly God-directed.  Times when I have let the noise of emotion, or ego, distract me from the stillness within.  Times when I have said something, judged someone, or behaved in a way that I would have given anything to be able to retract. 

I know the pain of regrettable choices...first hand...and I also know the longing for forgiveness.  I don't believe that the desire for forgiveness is a human choice or a personal decision.  I think of forgiveness as a relentless spiritual presence within us, a divine influence, a God-impelled imperative, an irretuable power asserting itself in our hearts.  It comes as a hunger in our lives, a hunger reminding us that "the longing to be good and true has brought the light again."  This longing itself is a gift, when we have lost our way.

As I watched Sandi and Don sing this song I found myself weeping with hope for us all...individually and collectively.

I hope that through these times, times when families are finding new forms...traditional, nuclear, adoptive, single-parent, blended, same-gender partnerships, foster parents and children, ...that we are, if nothing else, raising up a generation of children who...because they have front row seats to our journeys...will have more compassion for others.  I pray that our teens are learning to gossip less, and that they become men, and women, who are willing to reserve their "good judgment" for better things than dissecting the personal choices and relationships of their neighbors.

"...We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Need to find a place,
guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe..."

I believe that we all long to know that we will be safely guided in our decision-making. We hunger for God's unfailing direction, like a man whose spent forty days, and forty nights in the wilderness, being tempted of the devil.  I believe that we each, desperately, hope that the choices we make will be wise, and that the steps leading to "another soul to love" will be filled with grace...

I will close this post with Mary Baker Eddy's prayer at the end of a letter she addressed to, "Beloved Brethren":

"May mercy and truth go before you:
may the lamp of your life continually be full of oil,
and you be wedded to the spiritual idea, Christ;
then will you heal, and teach, and preach,
on the ascending scale of everlasting Life and Love."
Affectionately yours in Christ,
MARY BAKER EDDY

this is also my prayer...just like every child,
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credit: Amy Aleshire 2010]

"One step enough for me..."

"Once in a vision I came on some woods
And stood at a fork in the road
My choices were clear yet I froze with the fear
Of not knowing which way to go
Oh, one road was simple acceptance of life
The other road offered sweet peace
When I made my decision
My vision became my release"
-Dan Fogelberg

Sometimes the options that present themselves are not between things that are either good or bad, right or wrong, better or best…sometimes both options are good, holy, intelligent, and loving. 

These are the decisions that always have me up all night tossing and turning…or pacing the floor. 

Such was the case earlier this year.  My husband and I were offered the opportunity to move to a mountain town we loved, near family members we adore, in order for him to start a business that seemed perfectly suited to his talents and professional experience.  The location of both the home and the business could not have been more ideal and therefore, the decision couldn't have been harder.

Harder because this move would have required our school-age daughters to choose whether to live (during the school year) with either their dad and his wife, or my husband and I…and then spend long weekends, holidays, breaks and the summer with the other parents. 

There were wonderful opportunities for the girls in each location and we (their dad and I) had agreed that the decision would be left up to them…but something in my heart would not allow me to feel completely at peace.  That is until one morning…actually the morning we were to finalize an important contract we had traveled almost a thousand miles to sign in order to "seal the deal".  I woke, as I had for over a month with a sense of sadness so deep that a sob burst from my chest like the first breath of someone who has been revived from a near drowning.  It was as if I was coming back to life from nearly drowning in confusion and indecision.  But with that sob came clarity…I knew. 

Suddenly the option that had seemed so desirable (and reasonable) for months was absolutely not the right course of action.   It was so clear to me that to ask our daughters to choose who (and where) they wanted to live with for a majority of their year was not right.  They needed both their daddy and their mommy (and their wonderful stepparents) throughout the school year, breaks, and summers.  The schedule that had been working so beautifully throughout the previous year was already perfect and our partnering as parents (with their stepparents) was becoming such a joy.   I realized that there was nothing that we could do in Colorado that we couldn't do in St. Louis, but there were very important things that we couldn't do in separate states that we could only do if we all lived in the same location.  My husband woke, that morning, with the same realization and within hours we were on our way, joyously, back home…back to living in a city that only months before had felt so far from being our "dream home"  in the mountains.

But how had we gotten to that fork in the road?  Why couldn't we have known what was the right path without having invested the time and energy…and resources..in exploring the other option? 

Although we had taken every prayer-based step with confidence…it wasn't confidence in our ability to hear God's long-term plan…it was confidence in knowing that at each juncture along the way we could, and would, stop and ask God for the next step.  Only the next step.  In fact, only the day before our morning epiphany,  a dear friend had reminded me that I was not only loved by God, but "loved and led". 

The next day as we wended our way home to St. Louis across the plains of eastern Colorado and the long stretch of Kansas prairie, I felt the truth of that statement. Not only had we been loved and led, but so had everyone else.  Long before we reached the Kansas/Colorado border each of the commitments that we had tentatively made to our new home and business beautifully unraveled in a way that left everyone feeling at peace with not our decision, but also leaving them feeling that they had come to the conclusion themselves.  In fact, in both cases where we were in contract negotiations, the other party offered us an "out"…without any penalty…financial or social.  Each party thought that they had been the one to "rethink" the wisdom of the sale or lease of their property.  And the contract we had on the house "back home"  (a contract that would have required our moving within a month) was re-negotiated in a way that allowed us to stay in our home….a house where the girls knew their bedroom as well as the back of their hand and where I had already planted herbs and pansies in window boxes and in deep clay posts on the large front porch.

By the time we arrived in front of the broad stairs leading to our front door my heart had shifted.  I was home…in every way.  I was not there as a compromise, I was not there "temporarily", I was there because it was where God had led us through love. 

As I looked around our beautiful urban university neighborhood…surrounded by an amazing city park, museums, an internationally acclaimed zoo, gardens, theatres, restaurants, coffeehouses, a bookstore, and a free-trade market, all within walking distance it was as if I had woken up to true joy and satisfaction that had always been right in front of me.  I didn't need to go anywhere…when my husband and I let the love in our hearts (for our daughters) lead us, step by step…our eyes were opened to the most amazing sense of home, family, community, neighbors, and friends we had ever known.
And in the process we adopted a summer/holiday "home" community that we also feel a strong sense of love and commitment to.

I feel like Dorothy waking up in her bedroom in that simple Kansas farmhouse surrounded by Auntie Em, Zeke and friends…I know now what she meant…home is not a place…home is where love is.  And there really is "no place like home"…wherever it is…today.

"Lead, kindly Light,
amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on;
The night is dark,
and I am far from home,
Lead Thou me on.
Keep Thou my feet;
I do not ask to see
The distant scene;
one step enough for me…"
- John Henry Newman
CS Hymnal #169

with gratitude,
Kate

Enjoy this video tribute to Dan Fogelberg which includes "Netherland," the song referenced in the epigraph above.

Home by Another Way

When I think of New Year's songs I often turn to either the familiar "Auld Lang Syne"...whether sung by James Taylor on his new CD or on any one of the hundreds of recorded versions available in every musical genre from Willie Nelson to Sting....or I return the magical words  "met my old lover in a grocery store..." version of "Another Auld Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg...either work on December 31st.  But one year I was surprised to find myself humming what has since become my favorite New Year's song. It isn't on any Christmas album...even though it is all about the birth of the infant Saviour in Bethlehem.  Nor is "Home By Another Way" considered a "holiday classic" in any circles...even with JT cultists like me... but it is funny, moving, profound and gave me the spiritual "kick in the pants" that I needed at a critical time.

Home By Another Way (Mayer/Taylor)

Those magic men the Magi,
some people call them wise or Oriental, even kings.
Well anyway, those guys, they visited with Jesus,
they sure enjoyed their stay.
Then warned in a dream of King Herod's scheme,
they went home by another way.
Yes, they went home by another way, home by another way.
Maybe me and you can be wise guys too
and go home by another way.
We can make it another way,
safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weather eye to the chart on high
and go home another way.

Steer clear of royal welcomes, avoid a big to-do.
A king who would slaughter the innocents will not cut a deal for you.
He really, really wants those presents,
he'll comb your camel's fur
until his boys announce they've found trace amounts
of your frankincense, gold and myrrh.
Time to go home by another way, home by another way.
You have to figure the Gods, saying play the odds,
and go home by another way.
We can make it another way, safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weather eye to the chart on high and go home another way.

Home is where they want you now,
you can more or less assume that you'll be welcome in the end.
Mustn't let King Herod haunt you so
or fantasize his features when you're looking at a friend.
Well it pleasures me to be here and to sing this song tonight,
they tell me that life is a miracle
and I figured that they're right.
But Herod's always out there, he's got our cards on file.
It's a lead pipe cinch, if we give an inch,
old Herod likes to take a mile.
It's best to go home by another way, home by another way.
We got this far to a lucky star,
but tomorrow is another day.
We can make it another way,
safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weather eye to the chart on high
and go home another way.

So as you can see it isn't for the metaphysical purist when it comes to languaging...but it really resonates with me whenever I am listening for divine guidance and direction. 

I have realized that one of the ways that "Herod" would undermine the divine in my experience is by convincing me that there is only one way "home."  Mary Baker Eddy defines "home" in a number of ways...two of my favorite are "the dearest spot on earth" and "the center...though not the boundary...of the affections" and there have been times in my life when the route to "home" was very singular for me.  It was what I knew and what I saw as the only path and by golly I was going to stick to that slice of paving no matter what.   It was "do or die" and I was a master of do-ing.  If someone could stick to the ship it was me. I would make a plan work, a strategy succeed, a design fit...because the plan, strategy, or design was God-inspired and divinely revealed "from the beginning" and therefore it was my role to stay on course. 

But one year as I was sitting at my kitchen counter with the Bible and Science and Health...my trusty, reliable, and constant navigational tools...spread open around me, I found myself thinking about my friend Moses. 

Here was a guy who was obedient every step of the way.  God says, "lift up your rod".... he's all over it, "take off your shoes"....done,  "lead a nation out of Egypt".....I'm on my way.  So Moses takes off with the Hebrew nation, leading them out of slavery, cruelty and bondage through the desert out of Egypt in the wake of a locust invasion, the river turning to blood and frogs, frogs, frogs and things are going pretty well. That is until Pharaoh (a guy who for all emotional intents and purposes has a direct link to Herod) wakes up to what he has allowed....all the cheap labor has left the city in the midst of a construction boom...pyramids and sphinxes aren't built by kings and princes you know...and he gathers his soldiers and they decide to chase the Hebrews down and bring them back to finish a couple of those Seven Wonders of the World.

The Hebrews are marching along through the desert singing "Kumbaya" and "...my knapsack on my back"  (you know the one..."valderee valderah, valderee, valderah, hah, hah...") sharing gorp and writing in their wilderness journals, when someone puts his ear to the dusty ground and hears the rumbling of horses and chariots bearing down on them. 

Well, they are pretty upset...this whole leaving bondage thing sounded pretty good when Moses proposed it...no more whippings from soldiers, gorp instead of pots of yucky mush that boiled away over a fire all day, sleeping under the stars....but the gorp was running low and it was cold under the stars and dang all this walking was making their feet sore.  And besides that Moses was a lousy navigator...God or no God he had taken then on a path that led them to a dead end.   The were sitting at the edge of a sea with no boats. 

Soon everyone was sitting on the ground whining about their plight...at least in Egypt we had fleshpots...at least in Egypt we could...and on and on it went. 

My buddy Moses tries to calm them down with "stand ye still and see the salvation of the Lord"...but even that was wearing a little thin...wasn't it this same Lord who had gotten them there in the first place and now they would have to walk all the way back but this time with soldiers prodding and taunting them along and perhaps with whips at their backs.

But even the Lord Himself was not satisfied with Moses' response to their complaint and fear....He asks His good, faithful, and obedient servant Moses "wherefore criest thou unto me, speak to the Children of Israel that they go forward"...well, doggone it...how many times have I, like Moses, wanted to just sit still and search the landscape for paths that are familiar, well worn, or have been bushwhacked by another traveler...or I've had my triptik from what I thought was the spiritual version of the AAA in hand for a long time and man I was going to stick to this itinerary no matter what. 

But Moses had the courage and the good sense to scan the horizon for what that forward movement might look like in new ways and to walk forward with the authority of God's command to move. 

Now Moses had never read Exodus and he had probably never heard of a sea parting...so it wasn't something he could even imagine...digging a hole to the center of the earth and out the other side probably seemed more doable than walking through the middle of a sea..."on dry ground" nonetheless....but God had a plan so new and different and spiritually practical that no one had even considered it.  

When Moses moves forward in the direction that makes the least sense humanly,  he discovers a path so perfect and one which makes absolute, scientific sense to one who trust that God is the only "I AM" impelling his desire to lovingly deliver his brothers and sisters from slavery.  He was someone who understood that when Love is seen as the supreme law governing the universe all the other laws of physics...gravity, molecular adhesion, cohesion and attraction...all subserve this law of Love.  God had already proven this to him when the bush burns but was not consumed...and he would prove it again and again as they made their way through the wilderness and toward a promised sense of home.  Their trust in God's care, in Love's supremacy and power would grow stronger and stronger with each proof. 

Mary Baker Eddy shares many observations about God's relationship to His universe that are critical to my view of this story...and how I am learning to trust His guidance and care...even when the way Love is leading me seems unimaginable, off-course or impassably difficult.   A few that have been my "rod" and "staff" this year are:

"Divine Love is our hope, strength, and shield. 
We have nothing to fear when Love is at the helm of thought,
but everything to enjoy on earth and in heaven."

and

  "The purpose and motive to live aright can be gained now. 
This point won, you have started as you should.
You have begun at the numeration-table of Christian Science,
and nothing but wrong intention can hinder your advancement. 
Working and praying with true motives,
your Father will open the way. 
"Who did hinder you, that ye should not obey the truth?"

and

"Love for God and man is the true incentive
in both healing and teaching. 
Love inspires, illumines, designates,
and leads the way. 
Right motives give pinions to thought,
and strength and freedom to speech and action."

I am continuing to learn that to put Love in charge of my life...to let Love and Love alone be my Captain, my Navigator, my GPS, my True North star....may take me Home by Another Way that may seem dark and cold and without many traveling companions, but it also may just part a tumultuous sea to reveal dry ground...take me through a barren wilderness that springs before me into a garden...and past a warm, full, bustling Inn to a simple manger in which I just may find an infant Christliness in the humble straw of my own heart.

Whether you are a leader of a nation, a few kings blindly following the requests of a misguided but cunning and ruthless sovereign, a high school senior looking for the right next chapter after graduation, or a parent on your knees searching for what is right for your family....you too can hear the voice of Love leading you forward...leading you on a path less traveled where you may just march to the beat of a different drummer, dance like nobody's watching, and above all...love like you'll never get hurt...with abandon...on the edge of a raging  sea...beyond the reaches of hatred, opinion and doubt.

Kate