"then sings my soul..."

O, Lord my God!
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works
thy hand hath made,
I see the stars,
I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout
the universe displayed;

Then sings my soul,
my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art,
how great Thou art!"

I saw this Youtube video of  Vince Gill and Carrie Underwood performing the timeless gospel, "How Great Thou Art," and knew what my Mother's Day post this year would be.   This performance is remarkable...

I've written about my mom, my children's moms...birth, step, grand, and their dads who have been wonderful mother-figures for us all...as well as my aunt, and some extraordinary moms who are also my good friend, in the past.  Some parent, or have parented, children daily...and some are moms waiting for children, but they have all demonstrated a love for, and devotion to, the verb, "to mother."   It is the magna that pours from the core of their being.

But this year, I wanted to write something, ever so brief about what, I believe, is at the very heart of that core mother-love.   The Motherhood of God. 

God, as Mother, is a concept that I have grown to depend upon, most completely, as a mom.  And when I lean my whole weight into trusting it...motherhood becomes burdenless.

This weekend our middle school age daughters will fly to Costa Rica with their classmates for a one week field trip to study the rainforest.  They will board a plane, and go to a place I have never been, and where they won't have phones or computers to stay in touch with.  But I feel completely at peace. 

And I believe that this peace stems from what I know about God's Motherhood.  Why am I able to stay awake all night praying when a child needs me?  Because I have a Mother-God who has taught me how to do this,  by Her example.  Why do I know that love has the capacity to dissipate anger and hate?  Because I have a Mother-God who has always shown me mercy, extended compassion, and established peace...within me.

I know, I am certain...without any doubt...that no matter where my daughters go, or what situation they may find themselves in, they will be with their Mother, and my Mother...God. 

That the great Mother of us all will be there to advise them wisely, provide them with comforting thoughts in the night, hold them and secure them, in secret place of the Most High, and instruct them in Her ways, and bless them according to Her holy purpose for their lives. 

She will mentor every teacher, administrator, and tourguide on that trip, in how to "mother" according to Her model of strength, tenderness, wisdom, and joy.   And not only the "grown ups," She will give each of those students the qualities of motherhood that they will need, moment-by-moment,  to respond to one another patiently, respectfully, and generously. 

I don't have to concern myself with the parenting experience of anyone on that trip.  They have the one and only real expert in mothering with them every step of the way.

I am reminded of the Psalmist's great song of security and peace:

We that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

We will say of the Lord, She is our refuge and our fortress: our God; in Her will we trust.

Surely She shall deliver us from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

She shall cover us with Her feathers, and under Her wings shall we trust:

Her truth shall be our shield and buckler.

We shall not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
 
Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness;  nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

Because we have made the Lord, which is our refuge, even the most High, our habitation;

There shall no evil befall us, neither shall any plague come nigh our dwelling.

For She shall give Her angels charge over us, to keep us in all Her ways.

And they shall bear us up in their hands, lest we dash our foot against a stone.

Because She has set Her love upon us, therefore will She deliver us, and set us on high, because we have known Her name.

We will call upon her, and She will answer us,  She will be with us in trouble, and She will deliver us, and honor us.

We are all children, and we are all safe under the shadow of Her wing, resting in the warmth of her hands.

So this Mother's Day,  I am most grateful for the most wonderful Mother of us all....

So sings my soul my Savior God, to Thee....your daughter,

Kate

"Her eye is on the sparrow, and She watches over me..."

"'Cause you'll be in my heart,
no matter what they say...
You'll be here in my heart
always,
always, and always..."

I love Phil Collins' "You'll Be in My Heart," from Disney's Tarzan. 

Every mother who has spent a sunny afternoon sitting at the edge of a park playground, knows how important it is to know where your child is at any given moment.  You can be talking with another mother, tying your shoes, looking for that box of baby wipes buried in your tote, and still you are aware of exactly where your child is...slide, jungle gym, playing in the sandbox with the little redhead in pigtails and an apple green parka...every moment...you know, you always know.  

What your child doesn't realize, is that this practice doesn't stop when they think they no longer need to be watched.  It doesn't even stop with you think they probably don't need to be watched.  It has become a "sixth sense," part of your awareness DNA,  It is an integral part of your being, and it kicks into full gear whenever he/she is within your purvey. 

Author Elizabeth Berg wrote:

"You are always in my thoughts. When you were little, I knew your whereabouts at any given moment. Now that you are off on your own, I still always know where you are, because I keep you in my heart."

This isn't just a fascinating human phenomenon.  I believe it is an indication of our inherent oneness with the divine.  We have this skill, because on some very deep spiritual level, we have witnessed it in the way our Father-Mother God cares for, and is aware of us...and our whereabouts...at any given moment.  We know it, we feel it, we sense Her divine eye on us.  And we model this divine love in our love for our children and those we care deeply about.

In this clip, Lauryn Hill sings from the old spiritual, "His Eye is On the Sparrow":

"His eye is on the sparrow,
and He watches over me..."

No matter where we are, He...She watches over all of us.  Sparrow, child, world leader, prisoner-of-war...sleeping softly in our beds, gripping the gunwales of a storm-tossed sailboat, on a suburban playground, or trapped beneath the earth in a collapsed mine shaft.  Her eyes are on us, and we are safe.

We have learned well from our divine parent.  I remember a summer, not long ago at camp, when one of my daughters told me, "mom, every time I look up from what I am doing at dinner, you are looking at me...please stop."

I tried to explain that I was completely unaware that I was doing this at the time, but when I thought about it, it made sense.  I had spent her entire childhood watching her, making sure that I knew where she was at the mall, at the park, on the soccer field...you name it.   Deciding to not be aware of where she was when we were in the same space...was nearly impossible.

I realize now, that this is why I am aware of my own mom's eyes on me, whenever we are in the same room, kitchen, church, hallway, park...yes, even at the park.   Even though I am 56 years old, my mom is still watching over me.  To her, I am a little girl swinging on the swingset trying to reach the sun by reaching my toes higher and higher into the sky.

e.e. cummings once wrote: 

"...i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go
you go, my dear..."

This is how God loves us. We are never out of Her sight, never out of Her range of vision.  We are in Her focus, in Her periphery, in Her heart...always, always and always.

with love,
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

"I can hear a distant singing..."

"I've been feeling kind of restless.
I"ve been feeling out of place.
I can hear a distant singing,
a song that I can't write,
And it echoes of what
I'm always trying to say...

There's a feeling I can't capture.
Its always just a prayer away...

And I cannot wait to be going home..."

Mmmm...Sara Groves' "Going Home" conveys the warmth of finding yourself snuggled into the sofa, wrapped in quilts, after Thanksgiving dinner.  You are watching Little Women...the Winona Ryder/Susan Sarandon version...while your mom strokes your hair, and you sink deeper and deeper into the comfort of her soft body.

I know this feeling.  It is the feeling of returning to your own "ground zero" for recalibration.  It's like plugging yourself into a giant cosmic wall socket for recharging.  It is a spiritual act, and it is deeply grounding.

And as much as it may seem like we are going backwards towards our childhood, in a time long past, it is really a deeper, fuller, more-alive-with-promise exploration of what is inherently changeless and true...our innocence. 

A reader recently wrote and asked me to write something about purity.  She had searched the index to this blog, and couldn't find a post that addressed this topic.  I was stunned.  Over 400 posts and not one had been tagged "purity." 

This is shocking to me, because "purity" is a spiritual concept that I work with almost hourly.  Purity is the allness of good, the fullness of innocence, the power of God asserting itself. 

Purity is not the absence of infection, violation, imposition, mistake, or bad choices.  Purity is not passive.  It is not something that can be lost, taken, or destroyed.  Purity is not vulnerable.  It is the self-assertion of grace, the insistence of hope, the radiance of divinity, the affluent coursing of Love's universal "I AM" springing from an inner core so deep, that it cannot be touched by darkness, doubt, or fear.

Another friend shared this quote from Woman, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Anything by Geneen Roth, the other day:

"…there is a natural inclination to want to keep exploring, keep discovering, keep touching the place that has never known suffering-which is, after all, the function of any spiritual practice."

This innate hunger to revisit the "place that has never known suffering," is the power of purity voicing itself to human consciousness.  It calls to us from a deep knowing, a persistent certainty that we are, and always have been,  good, pure, worthy, capable, untouched, and whole. 

This, for me, is the place of my Mother-God's soft lap.  It is the longing for this "place" that calls me...deeper and deeper towards its core.  It is this space of divine fullness and innocence that is inviolate and unsullied.  It is the purest light drawing us to itself like a leaf towards the sun.  It is home.

She wanders the
street...
looking nowhere
and yet
searching for
something,
her eyes
are lowered,
heart shattered,
wings broken,
hope unraveled...
where is
kindness,
is there a return
to innocence for
the child who
is no longer...a child?
Is there a
mother's lap to
fall asleep, and
rest her
head and
her dreams in...
without
fear?
Go deep,
go deep...
this longing to
be
a child again,
is
calling you
to Her
arms...
listen
it is
within
you...
singing.

Thank you for the prompting, Liz...with Love, 
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Here are two more, profoundly beautiful quotes, from Woman, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Anything by Geneen Roth, that were shared with me:

“The third journey—the Journey in God—is the same in both the Sufi tradition and the path-of-food version: In this journey, you end the search for more and better. You no longer live as if this life is a dress rehearsal for the next. Authenticity, not trying to be good, begins to infuse your actions. Through practices like the Eating Guidelines, meditation and inquiry, you slowly realize that you are already whole and that there is no test to pass, no race to finish; even pain becomes another doorway, another chance to recognize where love appears to be absent.” (200)

“…real holiness is not in what you achieve…if you are willing to refrain from dieting and needing an instant solution, and if you want to use your relationship with food as the unexpected path, you will discover that God has been here all along. In the sorrow of every ending, in the rapture of every beginning. In the noise and in the stillness, in the upheavals and in the rafts of peace. In each moment of kindness you lavish upon your breaking heart or the size of your thighs, with each breath you take—God has been here. She is you.” (201)