Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

"the privilege of probation..."


"Let my life
be the proof,
the proof of Your love..."

I'd never heard of the group For King and Country until hearing their worship song,  "Proof of Your Love,"  but now that I have, I will look for more of their music.

Listening to it this morning, I couldn't help but remember an experience from decades ago. It was a turbulent time within our church. In the middle of it all, a dear friend and colleague had been put on probation for three years. I was confused. I had friends on both sides of the issue. I called someone who was familiar with the situation, and whose wisdom and judgment I trusted.

He didn't get into the weeds of it all, but asked me a question I will never forget:


"Do you love and value
the privilege of probation?"

I got it. This wasn't about the rightness or wrongness of someone else's choices or actions. It was an opportunity to examine my own relationship to the concept of "probation." The etymological root of which is "to prove."

He then went on to explain to me that, for each of us, there are times when we are given the opportunity to demonstrate our persistence, our patience, our devotion to something we love, because we have been asked to step away from it for a period of grace.

In my faith tradition, we have weekly Bible lessons. Twice a year the subject of the lesson is "Probation After Death." As a child I distanced myself from the reason for that particular theme when it came up -- it seemed morose. I would read the suggested scriptures and their correlative passages from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. But I didn't try to see the connection between the dark-sounding subject title, and the beautiful readings outlined.

After that conversation with my friend, I began to notice how those readings encouraged a deeper sense of humility, courage, and grace. I looked for ways that I could proven my love for God following the cessation - or death - of any negative way of thinking or acting.

But I also noticed that my relationship to the concept of probation included a bit of fear. I was terrified of doing something wrong and being "put on probation" for my mistakes. I was vigilant about always doing the right thing. I hoped that if I was alert I could avoid probation, which I still thought of as punitive.

Of course God loved me too much to let me live in fear of something that is so beautiful. And when the opportunity came, I was ready -- if not eager. I'd made what I thought was good decision. In hindsight, I realized it wasn't. No one knew the background or the details. They only knew how it looked to them. And although my decision was broadly questioned, I was not subjected to any kind of disciplinary intervention.

But I knew.  I knew that, had I listened more deeply for divine guidance, I might have made a different choice. I thought a lot about probation during the ensuing days, weeks, and months. But this time it wasn't out of fear, but out of love for God. I needed to prove to myself -- and to God -- that I had the wisdom and patience to listen longer, more deeply, more humbly for His voice.

So, I put myself on probation. And it was one of the best gifts I ever gave to myself.  I "imposed" a three year probation on activities that I thought I needed to bring a deeper sense of listening, and humble following, to.  I checked in with my probation officer - Christ. I set aside specific quiet time for looking - prayerfully - at the choices and decisions I'd made that week. I examined my motives, revisited moments where I needed to exercise patience and humility, and reviewed my actions through the lens of spiritual self-surrender.

Over the course of those years, I could actually see a difference in my subsequent responses to each demand for wisdom and grace. And I can honestly say that it was a privilege to be "on probation." Every day was a day of proving how much I loved God and was willing to set aside the ego, and put Him first.  I think I became kinder, more patient with myself -- and others, and less judgmental.

This passage from Mary Baker Eddy's Science and Health took on new life and relevance:


"As death findeth mortal man,
so shall he be after death,
until probation and growth
shall effect the needed change."

Even though I had walked away from the corpse of what I felt was a less-than-optimal decision, I still had the right to prove that I was free of its hold, its regret -- its grief. Each week I was given the opportunity to sit with Christ and review my thoughts, words and actions. To celebrate my ultimate freedom.

Probation is no longer a punitive, threatening concept for me, it is something I cherish deeply. I try to practice my love for probation, as an expression of my love for God, for good. It is not something that anyone else needs to impose upon us -- it is a gift we can give ourselves. It is an opportunity to say "I love you," to our first Love.



offered with Love,




Kate



Monday, November 10, 2014

"healing moral injury…"



"I am a good child,
born of God's grace,
whatever would try to claim
deliver me, Almighty One…"



Today, I discovered this post, "Beyond PTSD to Moral Injury," on Krista Tippet's On Being site, and it "had me at hello."

I love the word "moral." Especially since discovering Mary Baker Eddy's definition in her textbook for healing,  Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

"Moral. Humanity, honesty, affection, compassion.
hope, faith, meekness, temperance."
 

Immediately I wanted to call Krista on the phone and say, "No. No, no, no - hope can't be injured. You cannot wound compassion." I wanted to send her a link to Michelle Armstrong's beautiful song,"Unfallen." A song that speaks so gently to the heart of both the wounded -- and the wounder.

Eddy's definition of "Moral," has helped me in so many ways. It continues to bring me to my knees in gratitude.  Realizing that no matter how deep the wounds, nothing can deprive me of my right to act with moral courage -- right now -- has been an untold gift of grace. No matter what I may have done to another -- or what may have been done to me -- I cannot be kept from acting with compassion, meekness, hope and faith -- today.

A few years ago I wrote a piece titled, "An active Moral Imagination." Writing the piece was very healing for me. It provided a space for revisiting memories that had always brought me sadness. It gave me a lens through which I could reclaim the word "moral," as a vital part of my daily ministry.

To be moral, is to be dynamically hopeful. To be moral, is to be actively humane, to have a living  faith [trust], to be temperate, meek, honest, affectionate.

To be "moral," was not about what we are not doing -- lying, cheating, lusting, abusing substances, being vengeful.  To be moral is to be engaged in doing something that serves God, and blesses others. And nothing on earth can injure or violate our right, or ability, to do that.

In fact, if I were lying in a bed - unable to move a muscle or even speak a word - I could still express compassion in my prayers for others. I could still think with affection, I could still bless my neighbor by holding out hope for the future of our planet, I could still be temperate in my thoughts, consciously meek.

Reading the above article, "Beyond PTSD to Moral Injury," I was flooded with so many opportunities to actually engage my moral compass -- to be moral. As I read each comment at the end of the article, I was absolutely filled with compassion, overflowing with faith, eager to reach out to others with an honest response about my own healing of "moral injury."

The world will tell you that those who have been abused, violated, or exposed to severe trauma are broken. Broken in a way that is almost impossible to heal without scarring. The deeper and longer the wounding - the harder to heal. The bullied, become the bullies. Those hurt, hurts others. The abused, turn into abusers. But I am here to tell you that is just not true.

Every abused, bullied, traumatized, wounded, or angry man, woman - and ye, child - hopes that they will find freedom from the guilt, and shame, and terror associated with the injury. And the very presence of that hope, is the power of moral courage asserting itself. You can't just get a little bit of hope. If it's there, it represents just the tip of the iceberg -- and it - hope - is always there. To quote Emily Dickinson:


"Hope is the thing with feathers,
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words,
and never stops, at all..."
 

Resilient hope, persistent faith, unwavering compassion, relentless honesty...

I've seen the most wounded teen hope that she will someday be a loving mother. I've held a weeping soldier whose humanity won't let him forget that he was once a boy, who loved his brother. I've listened to the shattered spirit of a convicted child molester, who wanted to help others from the confines of a state prison cell. I've watched, while the most hardened among us, kneel to nurse an injured animal.

There is no moral injury -- perpetrated or felt -- that can't be healed. There is no shame so sharp and pointed that it can burrow it's way deeply enough to trespass on who we are at our spiritual core. There is no act of violence that can corrupt our essence. No regrettable choice that can undermine our right to be moral, right now -- to treat others humanely, to be honest, to show affection, to extend compassion, to be hopeful, to have faith, to be meek, to live with temperance.

And sometimes, that seeming broken-ness gives birth to a new light. From the depths of the shattering comes a new compassion, a deeper willingness to understand another's heartache, a gentling of pride, a fathomless humility.  A more profound desire to of care for animals, children, the broken-hearted among us.

No matter which side of the injury you (or a loved one) seem to be on -- the wounded, or the one who regrets having wounded others -- this line from Michelle's song is a prayer of hope:


"I am a good child…"
 

That's the truth for each of us. We're all just children. There are no "adults of God." And we all have a divine Parent who holds us tenderly, loves us unconditionally, and gives us an infinite number of ways to express our freedom from moral injury -- every moment, of every day. We never run of reasons to hope.

with so much affection....


Kate

Thursday, February 24, 2011

"I am new..."

"Now I won't deny
The worst you could say about me
But I'm not defined
by the mistakes that I've made
because God says of me..
I am new..."

It's such a gift when someone sends me a song.  Maria passed "I Am New," by Jason Grey, along recently, and as soon as I heard it,  I just knew there would be a perfect story moment for it to compliment.   And like a baseball field in Iowa (for those of you who haven't seen Field of Dreams...sorry), if you sing the song in your heart, one day the experience to go with it will come.   And it did.

So here goes.

I was walking through the grocery store the other day and I woman I didn't really recognize, but one who obviously felt that she recognized and knew me...very well...came up and started giving me the "what for" about something I'd done that she was very upset about.

It started out quite nicely actually.  "Hi, oh my gosh, it's been so long.  How are you?"  I couldn't quite remember her name...or her face, for that matter...but she seemed so genuine in her friendliness that I responded that it was nice to see her too.  Hoping that continuing the conversation would jog my memory...which is usually quite good.

But, within a few moments she was taking me to task.  And as stood there listening to her very politely-delivered rebuke, reeling a bit as I searched for a loving way to respond, I started to actually take on her feelings about me.  

Well, yes, I certainly have made mistakes.  Perhaps my choices have had an impact on her sense of community well-being.  Maybe I haven't fully cared for her feelings about the matter.   How could I have been so thoughtless... Darkness, guilt, regret start to wrap their fingers around my joy...

Then she said, "And for that matter Caroline..." 

Oh my gosh!  I was not Caroline.

As soon as I knew that I was not Caroline, all the bad feelings that had started to sprout little tendrils and curl around my peace, strangling my feelings of wholeness and innocence...just withered...curled up and disappeared from my heart and my mind.

I looked at her and smiled.  "I think you have the wrong person, I am not Caroline," I told her.  Then I put my hand in hers and said..."and neither is she."  And then I gave her a hug and continued down towards the produce section.

Perhaps it's time we let our friends, colleagues, family members, neighbors...heck, ourselves...not be who we thought we/they were.  What would our relationships be like if we let one another be defined by who we are to God...the great I AM, not who we were in the past...the sad, regrettable, long-since-gone I was, she was, they were, you were....

I love Jason Grey's reminder that we all have the right to "be new"...to be defined by that fresh, innocent perspective on the "I AM" of our being that is always one with God.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians:

"Therefore if any man be in Christ,
he is a new creature:
old things are passed away;
behold, all things are become new."

I'm taking him at his word...the Word of God...impartially, universally, lovingly extended to each of us as a promise...our own emancipation proclamation. 

Just a little story from the pasta and cereal aisle of the grocery store.

as ever...with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"You're not guilty anymore..."

"It doesn't matter what you've done
It doesn't matter where you're coming from
It doesn't matter where you've been
Hear me tell you I forgive...
You're not guilty anymore
I love you
Mercy is yours...."

- Aaron Keyes

The songs that serve as the keynote for each post on this blog are always deeply meaningful to me...each and every one of them.  They have been a springboard, a lullaby, a touchstone, a rallying cry, a protest song along my spiritual journey.  They are important to me, but I fully understand that they can be set aside in reading the story or poem that follows, without impacting the way you experience the text.  I hope this one is different for you. 

I hope you will click on this link.  I hope that you are blessed by hearing (and seeing) this video of Aaron Keyes "
You're Not Guilty Anymore."  I pray it either encourages you to bring your baggage to the feet of Christ and leave it there, or it gives you a glimpse into the heart of someone who is dragging around the burden of guilt, regret, sorrow, blame behind them, and that you have a better sense of how to encourage them in finding their freedom from these demons of atrophy.

Here is my poem of encouragement...

"You're not guilty anymore...."

drop it
release it
set it down and
walk away...

burn it
shred it
let it go

cast it off
shake the dust
remove the burden of your past

shuck it
loose it
brush it away
peel  back its cold hard-fingered
death grip upon your life's promise
break free from its grasp
on your pulsing
breathing
living dreams

leave it
abandon it
walk away,
retreat from its imploring,
refuse to return to
its calling,
weeping,
hauntingly familiar
cry for 
company

bring it
carry it
drop it
at My feet

and walk
away
leave it with Me

My mercy
sets
you
free



Our friend and brother, Paul, knew the burden of regret. He understood the way that guilt could deprive us...and a hungry, waiting world...of the exercise of our compassion.  How it would deny our gift of service to others, and of our right  to recognize our place at the table, take it, and share in blessing, the responsibility, of passing the bread of understanding and compassion to a hungrier brother or sister.

Paul and I have regular, family friendly "discussions" about some of his statements regarding the roles of women, but I never forget a critical piece of spiritual DNA, an instance of common ground, we share as siblings in Christ...one that is so perfectly articulated in Romans:

"There is therefore, now, no condemnation
to those who are in Christ Jesus."


It is a promise from
your brother too. And with it, this benediction from our "sister," Mary Baker Eddy:

"Oh, may this hour be prolific,
and at this time and in every heart
may there come this benediction:
Thou hast no longer to appeal to human strength,
to strive with agony;
I am thy deliverer."



with Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credit: Ashley Bay 2009]