"All the things I pursue,
well, they stay for a season...
Then everything moves,
Oh, my towers fall,
but You, You aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves
I love being re-introduced to a song that once brought me peace in the night, but I'd forgotten how grateful I was for it's message. That happened just a week, or so, again. I was reading my friend, Amy's, contribution to TMCYouth's "Mary and Me" feature, titled: "The Second Wife" When something caught my eye in the comments section below...
It was a link to Christa Wells' song, "Everything Moves but You" that our friend, Joni, shared. I love hearing how spiritual experiences connect with the songs in our hearts...obviously, it's the "theme" of this entire blog...but in this case, it was the perfect song, at that moment, to carry me through a particularly unsettling inner storm.
I'd gotten caught up in thinking that spiritual progress should look, and feel, like personal security. Wow... It surprises me to even type that sentence right now. Mostly because all I've thought about for the last few years is the gift of human uncertainty, and the peace that comes from a total, absolute, flinging-myself-into-the-arms of-the-Divine kind of trust in Her knowing. Rather than my own ducks-in-a-row kind of self-determinism, and trust in what I have figured out, planned for, and control over.
Blame it on Mary Baker Eddy. Her statement in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:
"Security for the claims of harmonious existence
is found only in divine Science."
was the earthquake that started shaking the foundation of my self-constructed, but false, peace. And it hasn't stopped poking at that "if I get it right...spiritually, I'll find the key to human perfection, and nothing will change...ever again...then, I'll finally be secure" paradigm.
I might be "led" to the right house that I will live in forever. I could find my place socially, professionally, culturally, creatively, geographically...and dig in, send down deep roots, and grow...more, better, sweeter, etc. Then a core shift would occur. And I'd be feeling shaken, unsettled, not as sure of myself as I thought I'd earned the right to be.
That's where Christa's song found me...again. I'd begun to think I was getting close, to getting it right. To finding a "place" in the human economy where I could feel secure. A plan I could look forward to, a doable strategy, a path to success.
But this time, I realized that my discomfort was with...the comfort. I'd been feeling "off" and couldn't put my finger on why. Christa's message was just what I needed. Everything moves but You...God. Of course I was feeling unsettled...I was unsettled. And it was a good thing. Why would I ever want to feel secure, or at peace, in a human sense of anything? It's one of the reasons I love walking on the shifting sands of a beach, or sailing on a roiling ocean...it keeps my sea legs strong.
I love this new "space" of living on the edge...where trusting the Unseen is the most wonderful, peaceful, exciting place I can imagine. I no longer want to move to the safe center, where I can see the extended territory of certainty in every direction.
I might outgrow the "perfect" house, I will outgrow a humanly perfect sense of body, career, family, even love...but I will never outgrow, outthink, or become too secure in my love for, and trust in, You.
As Christa sings:
"You…I never outgrow You.
You are a tree always in bloom.
You are a hall of endless rooms.
A living fountain springing up.
I’m satisfied, but never done.
I’m never done...
Security, that's found only in "divine Science," which, Eddy says: "when properly understood,
refers only to the laws of God
and to His government of the universe,
inclusive of man."is always my safe harbor, my forever home.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
"everything moves, but You..."
"All the things I pursue,