"Your grace provides for me..."

"If I could have the world and all it owns
A thousand kingdoms, a thousand thrones
If all the earth were mine to hold
With wealth my only goal

I'd spend my gold on selfish things
Without the love that Your life brings
Just a little bit more is all I'd need
'Til life was torn from me

I'd rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees
Your grace provides for me..."
-Alison Krauss

I've been thinking about this song quite a bit since last week.  In my Bible study was the story of Jesus' breakfast meeting with his disciples on the shore of the Gallilean Sea.  These men had experienced their master's crucifixion and had witnessed proof of his resurrection.  But let's face it, he was gone.  They no longer had a Leader whose vision would set their course.  Who would choose which dusty roads to take from village to village?  How could they continue a ministry of healing when there was no longer a great healer with them, someone who could perform the miracles.    They were more than happy to talk about the gospel message of a kingdom of heaven within, but let's face it, people were looking for those miracles.  Without his vision and leadership they might as well go back to fishing, collecting taxes, building boats.  They had to do something…right?  How else would they provide for themselves and their families?

So there they are back out on the sea toiling all night.  Casting their nets, pulling them in empty and then recasting.  Over and over again.  It's in the midst of this task...a task they know so well they can do it in their sleep...that some guy comes along and shouts at them from the shore.  He tells them they should cast their nets on the right side and then they would find.  So they do.  And they are barely able to draw the nets in for the multitude of fishes.

Now, according to the story, they still don't know that it's Jesus who made this suggestion.  But once they pull their little boat onto the shore and notice that this same guy has a fire going and fish and bread prepared for their breakfast, and is beckoning them with a "Come and dine", they know it is him. 

Okay, so I know this story pretty well.  I have read it over and over again.  But for some reason this last week it held a profound new message for me.  Perhaps it is because I know so many people who are looking for jobs, are in jobs they don't love, or feel stuck in careers that feel mechanical because they can't imagine changing course without taking a considerable cut in income – something they can not afford to do in today's climate of economic instability.  And then there are those who just have dreams that they can't even think about without feeling such deep sadness because they see no way to explore them and still provide for themselves and their families.
This is where this story reached me this last week. 

And it spoke to me in a new way.  For the first time I saw that Jesus doesn't wait for them to bring the fish they have caught to shore so that he can feed them.  Their "provision" was not dependent on their fishing.  It was as if Jesus were saying, "if you're going to return to fishing, cast your net on the right side...do it for the right reason.  Do it because you love it.  But not because you won't eat if you don't.  Here I'm going to feed you anyway.  And not only with fish, but with bread."

It was as if he was saying to them, "If you are fishing for the right reason…because you love it, because you feel a calling for that work,…you will be successful.  But if it's only because you're afraid you will starve if you don't, here let me show you that you are going to be fed no matter what.  God is going to take care of you anyway.  And since this is true…see, I am feeding you now…what is it that God, Spirit is impelling you to do in order to be about your Father's business?"

Jesus makes such a distinction in this act between the work they are doing, and their right to be fed...to be provided for.   Perhaps he feeds them not because they caught fish, but to show them that there is no connection between catching fish and being fed.  He was going to feed them anyway.  The coals were already burning, the bread was already baking, the fish were already prepared and waiting.

This story has really meant a lot to me this past week. 

Last night we were sitting with friends, after church, talking about the music industry.  Often the theme returned to how to make a living while pursuing a career in the arts.  The whole "starving artist" paradigm says that if you aren't "big"…a star, someone with a recording contract with a major label, or someone whose name attracts hordes of screaming fans…you won't make a decent living in this business, but will have to do jobs you don't love just to pay the rent.   

But that paradigm feeds off the attending belief that what you do is directly connected to how well you are able to provide for yourself and your loved ones.  What if we discovered that they are not connected?  What if God really would take care of us, provide for our needs…in ways that we can't even imagine…just because He loves us.  What if it isn't a job we should be looking for, but a new way of thinking and living?  What if what we do (as a "career") should only be determined by what we love and are divinely inspired (by Love) to do?

I had a paperweight once that said, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

Just thought I'd share some questions I've been considering this week…with Love,
Kate