"How can I tell you..."

"How can I tell you that I love you,
I love you
but I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you,
but my words just blow away,
words just blow away…"
- Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)

I have an mp3 version of this Cat Stevens classic just sitting on my desktop so that I can play it whenever I wish to feel the tenderness of its timeless message.  It's been covered by many wonderful recording artists over the last 35 years, but my favorite is a version done recently by Ben Taylor (yes, Carly and James' son…it's a dynasty!), and it's this version that I play when I am hungering for something to re-boot my heart.

It was Ben's voice that I heard playing through my heart this morning as I pondered the ideas shared in a post titled "Communicating Love: my first stint as a grandma" on my friend, Laura's, blog.  I hope you'll take the time to read it before going any further, but in case you are in a hurry, for me, it boiled down to the question, What if "what makes up family ties [other] than eye color or height or bone structure. [is] How we express affection… We can bring people into our family circle by extending that affection outward and sharing with others until all families are interconnected in Love…[and what if we were to] Spread the forms of affection we value, rather than the ideologies or traditions that divide us. [and then] When we meet new friends, [we could] introduce them to the things that make us feel most loved."  (I have tried to give you a snippet here…but you really will love to read her entire piece…it is short, sweet and profound….and I think it will help you understand what I am trying to say too!)

I have been thinking about this all morning.  What if we thought that the most important thing we had to share with another person was the HOW of our loving.  What would happen if what someone took away from a meeting or encounter, was not our opinions, concerns or ideologies, but HOW we express affection.

One example, for me, has been a increasing affection for my daughters' stepmom.  I had known her for some time as an acquaintance and colleague, but it has only been in sharing the office of "mom" with her, that I have discovered HOW she loves.  Each day our daughters pass along, through their expressed affection for us, some of the ways in which we each express our affection for them, and through that sharing, I have grown to feel a genuine appreciation of, and love for, her.  She has introduced new traditions of loving into our family that have made us richer for her presence.

Yesterday our daughters came home after their first day back at school with Christmas gifts they had made, but had forgotten to bring home, before their holiday break.   I was so touched by a large card that said at the top:  "Why Clara and I Love you…".  This is every mother's dream gift…a list of those things that have endeared you to your children…does it get any better?  The first sentence read:  "We are grateful for you because…."   What followed was an inventory of sweet and funny things like: "You are the funniest/embarrassing person we ever met…"   I was so touched. 

I had just finished reading the entire page when Emma innocently chirped in that they had given the same letter to their stepmom.  At first I was a bit surprised.   That is until later in the evening.  I was working in my office when Clara came in and scooched onto my lap to snuggle.  It was then that she saw the letter sitting on my desk and picked it up. She explained that she and her sister had decorated it themselves and then she began to read it aloud to me.  As she came to each of the items: peace in the midst of noise, readiness to rock and roll, an artistic approach to things, etc.…she affirmed audibly to herself...and to me... that yes, both her stepmom and I were great at doing each of these things, and didn't I think it was cool that we were so much alike. 

I told her, quite honestly, that I did.  Perhaps it was then that I realized perhaps one of the reasons the girls think we are so much alike is because of what we are each learning from our daughters about new ways of expressing love. That some of these traditions and customs...lullabies, recipes, approaches to holidays and routines... which they have learned (and are learning) from each of us, are enriching our homes and families...individually and collectively.  They are cross-pollinating our lives with "love customs" that will become shared, making us truly one big family because of the commonalities in how we love….how we express our love and affection for eachother…and for others.

So, thanks Laura.  Your post from today has helped me see that it is in how we express affection, rather than a shared name, similar features, agreed upon ideologies, or even the number of years we have shared the same address that makes us a family, a community, a "people".  Or as Randall Williams sings in his song from the recently released "Praying for Land" CD titled Draw the Line:

"It comes down to how we love,
not where we draw the line..."

Kate