"God is a River...let go"

“In the ever-shifting water of the river of this life
I was swimming, seeking comfort; I was wrestling waves to find
A boulder I could cling to, a stone to hold me fast
Where I might let the fretful water of this river 'round me pass..."
- Peter Mayer

I’ve always loved stones and water...two elements that are at the core of my being.  When I hear those two words I feel both grounded and fetterless.  And sometimes I call the space in my heart a studio because it best describes my home as an artist. 

For me, an artist is someone who uses a principle. Like the principle of perspective in drawing. Or the law of gravity in sculpture. These principles serve as a matrix for what Robert Peel writes of as the ultimate goal for working Mary Baker Eddy’s household, “a breathtaking genius for improvisation”.

I have always loved order, neatness, form, beauty, and creativity.  The marriage of stones and rivers have always spoken to me of this concresence. 

One day while sitting on a sandy beach on Cape Cod, I considered what it might look like if my “office," were an artist's studio.  And the Christian Science healing practice was the perfect marriage of art and science.  I’ve never felt the balance of those two elements more than in this last year and a half.  This blog has been a chronicle of that journey towards greater trust, balance, honesty and grace.

This morning, my husband sent me this video clip from Peter Mayer’s Front Porch concert in Boulder, with this note:

“Good morning, Honey.....

Please check this out.  I think he wrote this with you in mind somehow.”

The subject line of his email said, “An anthem for our home”. This touched me deeply.  And then I watched the video clip of Peter's performance of God is A River and it made me weep with abandon.  Peter perfectly and completely captures what I hope each of my posts are trying to say of what I am learning.  This song is now the anthem, not just for our home, but for this blog, my life, and, most profoundly, what I think it is that I am learning about God.   I will let Peter’s words speak for me today.

“In the ever-shifting water of the river of this life
I was swimming, seeking comfort; I was wrestling waves to find
A boulder I could cling to, a stone to hold me fast
Where I might let the fretful water of this river 'round me pass

And so I found an anchor, a blessed resting place
A trusty rock I called my savior, for there I would be safe
From the river and its dangers, and I proclaimed my rock divine
And I prayed to it "protect me" and the rock replied

God is a river, not just a stone
God is a wild, raging rapids
And a slow, meandering flow
God is a deep and narrow passage
And a peaceful, sandy shoal
God is the river, swimmer
So let go

Still I clung to my rock tightly with conviction in my arms
Never looking at the stream to keep my mind from thoughts of harm
But the river kept on coming, kept on tugging at my legs
Till at last my fingers faltered, and I was swept away

So I'm going with the flow now, these relentless twists and bends
Acclimating to the motion, and a sense of being led
And this river's like my body now, it carries me along
Through the ever-changing scenes and by the rocks that sing this song.

God is a river, not just a stone
God is a wild, raging rapids
And a slow, meandering flow
God is a deep and narrow passage
And a peaceful, sandy shoal
God is the river, swimmer
So let go."

I think I will let this song be my home.  I will dwell in its space of surrender and trust. I  find in its message a security that is without the conventional walls and mortar, bricks or beams of always knowing what’s next, or how it’s supposed to look.  I’m going to try to let go of any false sense of safety I’ve been clinging to and trust the River.

“Home” for me, is a conscious power, a movement that is vital and active, a verb…this sense of “home” as a verb, has often given birth to a house or a marriage, a family, purposeful work, or a posting on a blog.

Thank you honey for honoring me by even thinking, for a moment, that this song was written with me in mind.

Thank you Peter…for writing me a home…and an anthem for my life.

With Love,
K

[for those of you who were looking for my followup to Tuesday's posting on my conversation about feelings with my friends from the college....I posted it last night and it is just below this unexpected post for Friday]