"i'm just a nobody..."

"The moral of the story is,
everybody's got a purpose.

So when I hear that devil
start talking to me - saying,
"who do you think you are?"

I say:

"I'm just a nobody,
trying to tell everybody
all about somebody,
who saved my soul...”

Casting Crowns'  "Nobody"  is my favorite song today. It had me at "who do you think you are?" I hope you will give it a listen.

My relationship with Jesus Christ has evolved. For some years it was confusing for me. Was Jesus a concept or a man. And did I love Jesus, or just the Christ-spirit that the man Jesus was the highest human example of?

Did I want a relationship with Jesus, or did I just want to understand the Christ-message he delivered to humanity through his recorded words and works?

One late night, while doing a security sweep of Mary Baker Eddy's last former home, I noted the placement of a portrait of Jesus in her bedroom - on the opposite wall from her headboard. This was so moving for me.

I knew something of the many "dark nights of the soul," she had experienced in that particular room -- from the biographies written and personal reminiscences shared by her closest household staff. To discover that, in the darkest hours of her final years there, it was his face that she had had hung on the wall in front of her -- well, to say the least, it touched me deeply. But it also gave me the permission I needed to find my own, more meaningful, relationship with him.

Since then, I have let this relationship "emerge gently." From a deeper reading of the gospels, to my heart's genuine hunger to know him, I've let Love instruct and guide me. Earlier this summer, it was this line from a loved hymn:

"Think what Jesus
did to win thee,
child of heaven,
canst' thou repine?" "

that moved me into a fuller sense of what it means to "love Jesus." The word "repine," -- by the way -- means "to worry or fret."

I have spent this summer, thinking about what Jesus did to win me -- to win my heart. In considering this question, I couldn't help but think of other times whens someone has won my heart. To ponder more deeply, what has "won me over?" Kindness to my children. Mercy shown. A willingness to look beyond a fault or failing. Persistence in loving. An unfailing devotion to seeing the best in someone when it seemed undeserving.

But, what has Jesus done to win my heart? Well, all of those things -- and so much more. And whenever I have felt fretful or worried about anything, I have gone back to this invitation -- to think about what Jesus did to win my heart. It's been so beautiful. And it has encouraged me to get to know Jesus in new ways. And when we know Jesus, we love him. How can we not?

Driving alone, three quarters of the way across the United States this summer, I have had many, many hours to be quiet, to pray, to ask questions, to listen for answers -- or at least a fresh perspective on the question itself. And to be honest, there have been quite a number of times when I found myself fretting or worrying about something.

But time and again, it has been this exercise -- of thinking what Jesus did to win my heart -- that has pulled me up short, humbled the myopathy of personal sense, and refocused my heart on gratitude for his example of love, compassion, selflessness, sacrifice, humility, and grace.

And the most amazing part for me is, that Jesus wasn't trying to win my heart for himself -- but for his Father, our Father -- God. He gave me a perspective on God that superseded any personal sense of himself. He was doing everything he could to show me what an amazing Parent we share. For this, I love him even more.

So now, when "the devil" tries to bait me with the question: "who do you think you are?" I am able to answer with absolute confidence and self-clarity:

"I'm just a nobody,
trying to tell everybody
all about somebody,
who saved my soul..."

I hope you have a wonderful day. With God as my Life, and Jesus Christ in my heart - I know I will.


offered with Love,

Cate