"i'll love you for a thousand more..."

"How to be brave?
How can I love
when I'm afraid
to fall?

But watching you stand alone,
all of my doubts,
suddenly go away somehow..."

And then there are those posts that are all about the song. This video cover of Christina Perry's  "A Thousand Years"  by Clementine, is one of those posts.

I know this feeling -- of watching someone else stand alone, and feeling braver myself. It happens in my relationship with my husband -- all the time.

His deep spiritual conviction and poise act as a focal point for me when I am feeling shaken by things that trigger childhood fears -- in the dark, un-probed corners of my heart.

I doubt that he realizes how often I use his spiritual posture to remind me that God is here, I am His loved child, and that I can rest in His presence and power. It is his spiritual confidence that I love most about him.

It is this spiritual equanimity that I feel so blessed to be in the company of. There is a deeply centered balance to it. He is not rushing around madly trying to evenly distribute the resources at hand - love, finances, attention, time, patience. He is so rooted in his love for - and trust in - God, that he responds to each call with unhurried grace. Within this man is an unfathomable patience. His children feel it. His community feels it. His wife, especially, feels it.

You know how you just know. Well, that feeling is at the heart of my marriage to this "good man." I know him. I know his heart. I know that his devotion to our children is no more, nor less, than his devotion to the children he has served in each of his professional chapters. Whether it has been working with students at a college, working with counselors, outdoor educators, and school children as the Director of an outdoor education center, or with those who have exceptional abilities and special needs.

His devotion to their self-possession in Christ is boundless. His commitment to the individual and collective realization of their gifts is dogged. I am so blessed to have his example. And I am also, often, brought up short by it. But isn't that what a good relationship is all about.

Recently, after realizing that we would be apart for almost seven weeks this summer, someone asked me if I didn't miss him terribly. I replied, honestly, that I didn't miss him at all. And I don't. He is with me everywhere I go. His love is so alive in the way he cares for our children, our precious pups, our church family, and our loved global community. I feel it every day.

His love feels like an example of this Scripture from Deuteronomy:

"My doctrine shall drop as the rain,
my speech shall distill as the dew,
as the small rain upon the tender herb,
and as the showers upon the grass...”

When there is a need for tenderness and silence, it is there. When there is a need for firm patience, I know it will be there. And when I need a stronger shower - one that will move me to grow in grace myself - it, too, will be there. I know that his love for God comes first, and as a result, his love for us is deeply trustworthy.

I will love him for a thousand years -- or more...

offered with Love,

Cate