Thursday, April 11, 2019

"all I remembered..."


"and all I remembered,
was your back..."

I don't actually know if I can clearly say what is in my heart today -- but I will try. The first time I heard Kelly Clarkson's song,  "Piece by Piece," I thought that perhaps my tears were coming up from a well so deep, it was fathomless. It spoke to such profound feelings of abandonment.

It always reminded me of the story of Hagar in the Bible. Hagar is the captured slave of Sarah, Abraham's wife. She serves Sarah faithfully. When Sarah is unable to produce an heir for Abraham, Sarah give Hagar to her husband. Hagar becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son, Ishmael.

Years later, Sarah, herself, becomes pregnant and gives birth to Isaac.. Her son, is now Abraham's second son. When she becomes concerned about Isaac sharing his birthright with Ishmael, she asks Abraham to cast Hagar out of their community - with her son. Abraham asks God for guidance, and God tells him to do what Sarah has asked. Promising Abraham that He, God, will take care of Hagar and Ishmael.

Abraham takes Hagar and his first born son to the wilderness and leaves them there with a vessel of water. When the water runs out, Hagar is frightened and begs God to not let her see the death of her son. God hears the child's cry and water springs from a rock. Ishmael goes on to become the father of his own branch of Abraham's tree.

Whenever I read (or heard) that story, I always wept inside. Hagar had only been an obedient servant to her mistress. She had allowed herself to be given to Sarah's husband for the producing of an heir. For Sarah to cast her out, and for Abraham to abandon her - and his own son -- seemed cruel and heart-breaking to me.

That was, until quite recently. I was reading this story of Hagar again one morning.   I was so ready for the tears of empathy - for her plight  - that always came. When suddenly, something washed over me that was new and fresh. It was joy.

The story shifted into light. Hagar was a captured slave. She had served her mistress and her mistress' husband faithfully. One day, she and her son -- the patriarch's heir -- were given their freedom. Freedom. Not abandonment. Abraham didn't kick her out, and keep the boy back so that he could control his destiny. He emancipated Hagar. He let her take her son with her.

I got it. Neither of us had ever been abandoned. We had been freed. We were taken to the border of our lives -- the place where the slavery ended.  And although it seemed like a wilderness -- it was the place where we discovered our oneness with the One who would never leave us and would never break our hearts.

In that moment, my story changed. I had never been left behind, abandoned, or had someone turn their back on me. I was free. I was free to be taken up in the arms of Love. I was free to exercise my spiritual maturity. I was free to discover how much God cared for me - and why He had never left me. And would never leave me on my own.

I had read this story so many times. But in one moment, what had once been heart-breaking, was now healing, restorative -- redemptive.

I will leave this here. There are not enough words to say what is in my heart.


offered with Love,




Kate




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