"It's out of my hands.
It's out of my reach.
It's over my head,
and it's out of my league.
There's too many things
that I don't understand.
So it's into Your will,
and it's out of my hands..."
If I didn't already believe in spiritual serendipity, finding Matthew West's "Out of my Hands" would have have "had me at hello."
It's lyrics have been like a blessed benediction on months spent humbly praying, "Not my will, but Thine be done."
I've always loved planning, strategizing, making lists, and crossing off tasks which take me, one step closer, to an achieved goal. It's long been something I really thought I was good at.
But over the last few years, the obstacles have seemed insurmountable, the lists daunting, and our resources sorely tested. There have been days when just "doing the math" would have been a form of torture, had it not been for an understanding of God as our divine Parent, and remembering that the goal was "growth in grace -- expressed in patience, meekness, Love and good deeds." Not the achievement of human perfectionism.
Day-by-day, opening my hand to surrender control -- and thereby opening it towards God's infinite wisdom and love -- has been a rigorous spiritual practice for me.
But you know, the more overwhelming and daunting the demands, the easier the practice. In fact, as long as I thought I might be able to take control, get it right, make it happen, or figure it out, I was tempted to try.
And once I realized that there was absolutely no human solution to the equation, I yielded. And when I did, I could feel something in me release. I'd find myself relaxing into an openness of heart, ready to accept the next divine gift in fresh, new, unsought ways. A willingness to be surprised by His remarkable "ways past finding out."
Extremity of demand, seemed to dissolve the personal specificities of want, into more universal desires for scientific Truth. I no longer had an agenda. I no longer needed to know exactly how God was going to fix my problems, I just wanted to know what was true for everyone, in every situation, at all times.
I no longer needed to figure out the "how" of God's solutions, but could step more innocently into the deep waters of a childlike trust in His profound Love for His creation.
It's been such a peaceful place of total surrender where I pray -- moment-by-moment -- "Not my will, but Thine be done." It's a sacred space, a vast well of possibilities, a fathomless reservoir of opportunities for letting myself be buoyed by His infinite care.
offered with Love,