"...the root of the root of your own soul..."

"Poems reach up like spindrift
and the edge of driftwood
along the beach,
wanting...
They derive from a slow and
powerful root
that we can't see..."
- Rumi

A friend called the other day.  He asked, "My God Kate, where the hell are you these days?  I read your blog, I see the quotes you put on Facebook, and there is a part of me that thinks you've gone mad.  And then there is another part of me that thinks I am seeing you...the real you...for the first time.  It's damned disorienting!"

I nodded, from the other end of the line, in complete surrender, and with utter resignation.  "I know the feeling..." I said with a soft smile of sympathy as I shook my head almost imperceptibly.  "I come face-to-face (and heart-to-heart) with this strange, and oh-so-curiously disarming version of my 'self,' every day," I thought, "in the mirror of my own soul."

These days, I am living in a space of divine paradox.  I have never felt more grounded...and yet, un-tethered.  I have never felt more at peace...and less worried about chaos.  I have never wanted less...and had more. I have never felt more intrigued by the questions...and less interested in finding answers.  I have never felt more content with aloneness...and a better friend.  I have never felt more dead to want...and more alive with purpose.  I have never been more fully empty...and more filled with promise.  And all of this...all at once.

But, I've also never felt more clearly the healing, transformative, redemtive wholeness of spiritual consciousness. This, for me, is the space of understanding where, as Mary Baker Eddy says, "loss..." really, "...IS gain," [emphasis added]. Not, "loss is only temporary, and only seen as loss, until we get gain, again..." Nope, right here and now, right in front of my eyes, "loss IS gain."

Navigating the landscape of this paradoxical inner labyrinth always seems to take on new dimension in the middle of the night. In this quiet space, up becomes blue, light becomes yesterday, and the number nine smells like lavender. All things are spiritual, and I can walk through the flashing images of this mental flipbook, and beyond, into the contiguous space of Consciousness...where the paper is changeless, and the view is spiritual.

I have been finding companionship...during the wee small hours between midnight and dawn...in the poetry of Rumi, Hafiz, Emerson, Blake, Eddy, King David, Browning, Dane, Henley...and on...and on.  Poetry is my native tongue.  It makes sense to me, then, that this language of my own spiritual infancy, would be the most familiar...a syntax, a rhythm that rings most true...when I am seeking the voice of a friend along the way.

Last night it was my 13th century Sufi cousin, Rumi (music in video by Yanni),who sang to me in the darkness:

"For ages you have come and gone
courting this delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You descended from the pure Word of God,
but you turned your sight
to the empty show of this world.
Alas, how can you be satisfied with so little?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come ---
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You were born from the rays of God's Majesty
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you deceive Us with this outer show?
O friend, We can see the truth in your eyes!
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

After one moment with that glorious Friend
you became loving, radiant, and ecstatic.
Your eyes were sweet and full of fire.
Come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

The King of the Tavern
has handed you an eternal cup,
And God in all His glory is pouring the wine.
So come! Drink!
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Soul of all souls, Life of all life - you are That.
Seen and unseen, moving and unmoving - you are That.
The road that leads to the City is endless;
Go without head and feet
and you'll already be there.
What else could you be? - you are That."

- Rumi

For today, this helps me understand Mary Baker Eddy's statement that:

"...conscious worth satisfies the hungry heart,
and nothing else can."

I quietly offer this....with Love,


Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[photo credit: Nathaiel Wilder 2010]