"Please stir my heart..."

"Please stir my heart
Take me back to the fire
And bring to me recollections of joy
And renew my first desire
Please stir my heart..."
Sara Groves

Sometimes I will sit with a song and let it take me apart, shake my paradigms to the core, rattle my certainties, and often, quite by surprise, I will hear a Bible story in a new way. 

Sara Groves' "Stir my Heart," played out, upon the pages of my prayer, a gentler story this morning.  It wrote itself a new poem, an infant song, a sweet breath of inspiration that blew away the judgments I'd imposed upon its meaning in the past.  It was like the soft haunting music of a nomadic breeze blowing in off the desert and freshly stirring the embers of my love for Jacob, and Leah, and Rachel*...and, most importantly, for Him.


How could
he do this to me,
to you,
to her,
to us...

I do not understand ...
you are not
the one
I
wanted,
or worked so hard
to have
as my bride,
my beloved,
my wife...

you are
"the other one"
the
hard-to-place,
the forgotten,
the older...
and not so pretty...
daughter

you are the
safe one,
the one
I never really even noticed

I feel tricked
and
so must you...

seven years
seven years
seven years

seven years I have
served your
father

for her,
for
my beloved,
my angel,
my Rachel
your sister,
my wife...

we
are not
the dream I
invested in...

we are
not what
I imagined all those
years of
herding sheep and goats and
cattle and oxen
dreaming away the long
cold nights
under a billion
twinkling stars...
waiting
and yet, waiting...

I am disappointed,
angry,
hurt,
....aren't you?

But, what's
another seven years...

and when did he become
my God?
when did I give your father
control over my life,
over your life,
over our lives,
and the life and dreams of
my Rachel,
my beloved
my bride...your sister
his daughter?

we will not let this
dash our hopes,
tell our story,
define our legacy,
interpret our destiny,
convince us we are victims
of a cruel joke
played out under a veil,
in a darkened tent,
by a cast of passionate,
drunken,
foolish characters
heady with
relief,
control,
abandon...
we are not those
people,
that is not
our script

we are
God's beloved children
...all three of us...
the lambs of His care

we have not been
borne blindly by
Laban's trickery.
betrayal,
secret decisions,
choices,
chance...

we have been
sent
by our
one Father
for
a
sweet
sacred
holy
purpose...

to live in
pure
coexistence,
in honor,
in fidelity,
in grace,
in
trust.

yes, trusting Him

even in the midst of
this

you, and I,
and
Rachel...
we
will reclaim our
lives
as
His children...
sent only by Him,
called according to His holy
purpose...
to
love one
another
right here
in this quirky,
misunderstood,
highly suspect
family

it
might
not make sense
to
others...
neighbors,
scholars,
those with their own
patched up
broken hearts and dreams
who
shed a tear in
pity  for our lot-in-life...
pouring  out sympathy
like wine...we will not be made
drunken by it...again...

even if
throughout history,
throughout time,
for  centuries upon centuries
to come...
those who,
having eyes
see not,
or judging the "face of the
sky" cannot see the
bow of promise on a cloud...
and shake
their heads
and cluck their tongues
and are so certain of
what they read...
that
they
may think we are the
first...or maybe the second...truly
dysfunctional family

so be it

we will give hope
to the hopeless,
and set precedence
for unwarranted wholeness,
unprecedented harmony where
only discord can be imagined,
singing,
"peace, peace"...where
they can't hear
peace
seamless
integrity...

in a shattered world...
and from
a badly battered story...
of what looks like
so many mistakes,
poor judgment,
bad choices...
he said, she said,
they did,
or who didn't...

a promise that
a sister can  share a
tent with her sister,
cousins who are siblings
can be whole,
a brother whose
blessing was stolen,
greets his errant brother with an
holy kiss and refuses restoration...
and their children
and grandchildren
and great grandchildren..
can be the
King of Kings
the Beloved,
the Savior,
the hope of the world,
the Prince of Peace...

from a dysfunctional
family tree
the only begotten
of the Father...


yes,  we
are an
unconventional
family,
but we are
His family,
He is our only Cause
and Creator...
the only Author,
Appointer,
Finisher of our faith...a
highly polished faith...
and
we
trust Him...
because He first
loved
even
us....


what a sweet surprise this has been...thank you divine Love,

Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

*The story starts with Genesis 29...and actually goes through to Matthew 1, where Jacob is mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus through his son Juda(s), who from his marriage to Leah. But in short, Laban promised his younger daughter Rachel to Jacob in return for seven years' service, only to trick him into marrying his elder daughter Leah instead. Jacob then served another seven years in exchange for the right to marry his choice, Rachel, as well.