"I'm hanging by a moment here with you..."

"...I'm desperate for changing,
I'm starving for truth,
I'm closer to where I started,
I'm chasing after you.
I'm falling even more in love with you.
Letting go of all I've held on to.
I'm standing here until you make me move.
I'm hanging by a moment here with you...
I'm living for the only thing I know..."
- Lifehouse

A friend's posting of some favorite Lifehouse songs on Facebook, reminded me of this piece written soon after I first heard, "Hanging by a Moment," while sitting alone in our house, in the middle of the night, not so very long ago:

This house feels so quiet.  So empty and alone, but I have never felt so held.  So completely loved. 

My children are either at their dads, or in their own apartments.  My husband is working in a far away city, with no plans for a visit home or an end date to his assignment there. My mother, sisters, and brothers all live in distant states, and although I know a few people here, there is no one I feel like I could call in the middle of the night.   But I have never felt so safe, so sure, so loved...so secure. 

It is all about You.  It is all about You, my beloved Father-Mother God.  It is all about feeling Your encompassing love, trusting Your plan in my life, patiently waiting for Your direction, guidance, purpose in us all.

No matter how desperate I feel sometimes...desperate for a strategy to unfold, hungry for a change of course, grasping wildly for the next chapter to begin...I know that it is only in this space of "hanging by a moment here with you" that I will find real peace and happiness.  And it won't be when you make me move.  It won't be when You bring him home, or they walk back through the door, or she returns from far away, when he is doing something different, or we are in this place or that...I know that the only true living is living in this moment here with You. 

In the darkness or the light, in the sorrow or joy, in love or walking through the garden of Gethsemane, in poverty or plenty...You are there...You are here.  And I am never, ever, doing anything more wonderful or on purpose than "hanging in this moment here with You."

I am falling even more in love with you.  But it isn't happening because you have made all of my dreams come true, or because you have even met all my "needs" or the hopes and dreams of the people I love.  I love you...because you first loved me. 

I love you because when I go back to where I started...there was You.  I have always known You.  You have always been there...here, within me.  I have always sought out your touch...Love.  I have always reached for your beauty...Soul.  I have always danced with your joy...Spirit.  I have always listened for your voice...Truth. My every breath draws you in...Life.  You set the rhythm of my heart...Principle.  I wake each morning filled with your thoughts...Mind.  I have always, always, always...wanted You.  You have filled me with the knowledge of my birthright...my family name...my native language...your face is the one I seek in the mirror to remind me that I am...well, that I am...that I am Yours...and you are mine.  My Father, Mother, Creator, Husband, Counselor, King...my great Love. 

I am not waiting for something to change so that I can feel at peace and finally settle into a spiritual practice that allows me to seek you.  It is because I am..right here, and right now... "hanging in this moment here with you" that I am at peace...waiting for you to make me move....dance, sing, pray, rest in your love.

There is nothing more for me to do...I'm falling even more in love with you.

"...Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me..

"There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That could change my mind..."

No, there's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find, there's nothing in this world that could ever change my mind....I'm falling even more in love with You.

Yours,
Kate
Kate Robertson, CS

[within this post there are links to three different versions of this song]