"The Water is Wide..."

"The water is wide, I can't cross over
and neitherhave I wings to fly
give me a boat that can carry two
and both shall row - my Love and I..."

Do you ever have days when the currents of misunderstanding, confused assumptions, and questioned motives seem too wide to traverse?  I've had more than I'd like to admit.  Days when wrestling the demons of  "who said what" and "what was meant" drive me to my knees on the banks of the river Despair.  In those times I have felt so weary with it all.  Years of carefully examining my every note, email, phone call for any hint of disingenuousness in order to build trust seems to dissipate in one moment of misunderstanding right before my eyes.  The gulf between friends, family, or colleagues not only widens, but the rapids of distrust and fear churn the waters into a foaming chasm threatening to swallow us whole.  How do we ever find our way across this place where "there be dragons."  Often I am left feeling so defeated…even before I have launched out in search of a path towards reconciliation.

One night, as I closed out of the last in a series of emails with a family member, I sat back in my chair, eyes closed tightly, praying for direction and guidance, hope and peace. Quietly this song came to mind.  It was from a Sarah McLaughlin/Jewel/Indigo Girls performance at Lilith Fair.  It was their version of "The Water is Wide" that settled its gentle message in my heart, while a river of hot tears coursed down my cheeks and soaked my nightgown.

I thought about these words I had long known by heart.  I had always considered this a beautiful love song…but suddenly I realized what kind of love story it was telling.  It had taken me decades, but I got it.  I finally recognized the face of the One who was rowing with me…it was God.  He was reminding me that it is the Christ within me…that deep spiritual hunger for healing and redemption in all things…that gave me the strength to continue pulling at the oars,  slicing through the waves of fear and hopelessness battering our small vessel.  The face of my Father was sitting across the wood-ribbed housing of my little rowboat encouraging me to not just trust the strength of my faith in Him, but also of His faith in me.  To have confidence that with His immeasurable love… and my genuine desire for restored trust…we would make it to the other side.   

"...Now love is gentle, and love is kind
the sweetest flower when first it's new
but love grows old, and waxes cold
and fades away like morning dew..."

Often, this is just when discouragement tries to seep into my bones.  "Haven't you been working at this relationship for way too long already?" the winds shriek.  My arms begin to feel heavy with the weight of every misunderstanding remembered, every angry tear shed.  My courage begins to slip, my resolve aches with each hard pull towards an opposing shore.  But then, through sheets of driving hopelessness, He catches my eye and with one kind smile reminds me that He is the fire in the belly of this common hope we all share to be understood, trusted and loved.   He is at the core of our shared motives to bless those we care about. 

In His eyes there is kindness…for each of us.  That with His love at the rudder of our hearts, steering our desires towards His will, we are all safe from misunderstanding and distrust.  His Love makes the path towards our individual and collective hopes clear. With Him at the helm of thought, the reason for each relationship in our lives is enduring, immortal, tireless and constant…unconditional and pure.  He is fanning the flame of this burning hunger for peace and harmony.   He reminds me that only anger and misunderstanding, hurt feelings and resentment are powerless because they are not of Him. So whatever is not of God is as lifeless, cold, and fading,  as blustering as a dramatic, but nonetheless passing, storm.

"...There is a ship, she sails the sea
she's loaded deep as deep can be
but not as deep as the love I'm in
I know not how I sink or swim..."

I realized that in His arms we are all "in" a love so deep and wise that no matter how tired we may think we are--no matter how weary our hearts are of "working it out", He never tires--the Christ in us is never exhausted by the work of "making peace."  None of us needs to anticipate sinking in the sea of despair or imagine the need to swim if our little rowboat is ripped apart in the undercurrents of confusion or broken on boulders we can't see in the foam and fury of a seething sea.  We don't need to be afraid because our one true Love, God, will carry us across in His good strong arms.  He will still the sea within our hearts and help us walk on the water to bring us together on the other shore so that we can seek out understanding and brotherhood, work towards unity in the Spirit,  find "peace on earth, good will to men"…His will be done. 

"...The water is wide, I can't cross over
and neither have I wings to fly
give me a boat that can carry two
and both shall row - my Love and I
and both shall row - my Love and I"

with Him all things are possible,
Kate