"The sound of silence..."

"Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence…."
- Paul Simon

Have you ever spent days in a cocoon of self-imposed silence waiting for a message from God.  I have.  I have wrapped myself in quilts and spoken as little as was humanly possible as a wife, mother, healer, friend, and neighbor.  I have silenced human reasoning….you know, the lists of pros and cons, the "if this, then that", A + B = C thinking that circles back and leaves you standing there looking at the tail end of your first premise…and let's face it nothing really looks all that great from the tail end.

I have held my tongue, held my opinions, held my peace…I have waited for the moving of the waters, the winds of change, the parting of the sea.  And just when I think I can't wait for one more second to hear God's answer to my prayer for direction, comfort, guidance, inspiration….it occurs to me that what I most needed was to know something about my relationship with God.  And what I discovered in this self-imposed "silence" was my love for His voice.  And His voice…was the silence.

For me, God's voice is often the silence that actually turns a cacophony of sound into a symphony.  A friend once referred to it as "orchestrated silences". Those carefully placed silences amongst a litany of notes that turns sounds into music. 

If you can, imagine an orchestra on stage playing Beethoven's 5th symphony, not every instrument is playing at all times.  If they were all playing at once, that would sound like…well, noise.  But it is the silences, that are built into the symphony, that create the beauty of the music.  The composer is carving out silences as much as he or she is placing notes.  And those silences aren't idle.  The cellist who only has four bars of bowing during the entire second movement doesn't get to take a nap.  She is as actively engaged in that movement as the violinist.  She is marking the music…watching each note. Waiting for the moment when she is to pull her bow across the strings.  Her silence is as much a part of the beauty of the performance as the flute's lilting solo. 

I have learned something about myself, and my relationship to God - the great Conductor, during these silences.  I have discovered that I am not afraid of not knowing everything, of not having an answer, of not being self-certain…because I am God-certain.  I have learned that I  am God's child.  By this I mean that I have come to realize that like a child, I don't need to know  how something is going to work out, or when, because I so trust my Parent's love for me and His/Her ability to take care of me that I am at peace with just knowing that my Parent knows...it is enough.  I've learned this…in the sound of silence.

Mary Baker Eddy has this to say about silence in her primary work Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures:

"The infinite Truth of the Christ-cure has
come to this age through a "still, small voice,"
through silent utterances and divine anointing
which quicken and increase the beneficial effects
of Christianity.  I long to see the consummation of
my hope, namely, the student's higher attainments
in this line of light."

For me this "consummation of her hope" is a sacred goal…to speak less and let the sound of silence…the voice of God felt in the heart of man - that inbreaking song of grace…reach where human tongue has no voice.  Nothing can compare to this feeling of sublime surrender to our divine Parent's governance and wisdom.  Nothing can replace that feeling of resting in our Father-Mother's encircling arms…in the space of a silence so sweet - so full of trust - that no words are needed.

Kate