"...release from things of time and place..."

"So far Away…
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know that you're just time away
Long ago I reached for you, and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away…"
- Carole King

I've just returned from Africa…24,000 miles in ten days…almost four days, or 50+ hours of it "en route" from here to there...and back again.  That means I only spent 6+ days with the one (and only) reason for my travel…my daughter, Hannah.  And what a glorious, wonderful almost-week it was, just being with her…seeing her laugh, interact with her family and friends, eat, sleep, breathe.  Any mother reading this will understand…just staring at her while she sleeps, giggles or speaks is food for the heart.

But this trip, without my even realizing it ahead of time, was such an opportunity for a significant healing in my own heart. 

Those who know me are well aware of how geographically driven I am.  Place is paramount to my feeling of home, peace, joy.  I have let geography define my level of content for longer than I wish to admit.  Place me on the edge of the sea or on the porch of my cabin at camp high in the Rocky Mountains with the sound of a stream and hummingbirds whirring…and I am serene.  The alternative is not always the case.  I have a tendency to list (for those of you who are sailors...this means to lean) in the direction of the sea or the mountains and am rarely quite "in my own skin" when I am "stuck" in the Midwest…which happens to be where I currently reside.  This is not always good for those around me…and it leaves me feeling dissatisfied and unhappy,  always waiting for the chance to break free and "get home".

But this summer it occurred to me that if I was spiritual, I was not psychological, chemical, chronological…or geographical-ly-driven or defined.  I was spiritual, therefore I was myself…the full reflection of divine peace, creativity, strength, joy, fullness of being…everywhere.

This idea of not being defined geographically is more of a stretch for me than knowing and living out from being not chemical.  I was happy to give up being defined by what food I was eating or whether I used a particular cream or conditioner...piece of cake.  But seeing myself as complete and whole no matter where I was...this was hard.  It felt like once I gave in to this concept I might have to consent...on some deeper level...to the possibility of never "going home"...and whenever I did this I would feel paralyzed and hopeless.  

But if there was ever a summer to discover the truth of this Truth, this was the one.  My husband was going to be at home in St. Louis, we had a daughter on the west coast, a son on the east coast, the twins were going to be in Colorado, then Maine, then Missouri at different camps, and my beloved Hannah was in South Africa….and I would only be in Colorado for the first two months of summer instead of staying there after camp as planned earlier this Spring…had we relocated as expected.  Plans that changed once the girls decided that they wanted to continue at their St. Louis school for another year.  Add to this equation my deep desire to see Hannah who was half-a-world (literally) away, and you can see that I was being bombarded by "things of time and space"

The suggestion that geography could push and pull at my well-being and happiness had never been more insidious.

My husband was an angel.  He made the distance between us seem like nothing when he hopped into a friend's car at the last minute one evening  to help her drive the 16 hours to camp just so he could spend 16 hours with me before catching a plane back to St. Louis the next day. 

He then booked a flight for me to go to see Hannah before hopping on another plane to fly out to Colorado just to get in the car and help me make the drive back to St. Louis from camp....whew...

Emails and express-mail care packages to the girls at camp helped me feel closer to them even though we were thousands of miles apart, but it was actually facing my fear of flying that lifted the veil of darkness on my sense of who I am as a spiritual, rather than a geographical, being.

There were so many spiritual truths that shored up the foundations of courage and strength in me…but the one that I kept going back to was one that helped me let go of our move to Colorado when it became clear that we were to stay in St. Louis.  It was simply that as a spiritual being, a verb, there was nothing vital that I could do in Colorado that I couldn't do in St. Louis…I could love, I could pray, I could respond to the needs of others, and I could mother, nurse, nurture, appreciate, and reflect…wherever I was.

As the day of departure got closer I thought about how I could express consistency of being…as I embarked on a 24,000 mile journey. 

I refused to see this trip as an event.  I refused to buy new clothes, travel toys, or entertainment.  I knew how I liked to spend my day…reading, studying, praying, knitting…I would BE myself consistently…at 40,000 feet or at sea level…in Africa, Colorado. St. Louis or high above Namibia.

There are so many stories to share, but suffice it to say that I ended each transatlantic leg of my (according to the pilot) "longest non-stop flight in the world" rested (although I didn't sleep), inspired, and ready to continue my journey towards self-discovery, an awakening to being spiritual rather than geographical.  

My days were wonderfully, consistently…me.  I loved my daughter and her family, I read, studied, prayed, listened to new friends talk about the things they care about, and shared my love for their ideas…and I felt as close to my family in the States as I did to Hannah each day.

I love Africa and I loved my adventure there…but not because it was Africa, but because I learned that I am me…constistently me…no matter where I am. 

There are so many more stories from this summer…but this is today's.

"The outward symbols dissapear
From him whose inward sight is clear…"

Symbols of latitude and longitude, compass points, and landmarks do not define us…we are defined and driven by...grounded and at peace in...our relationship with God…consistently, persistently and eternally.

"And know through God's exceeding grace
Release from things of time and place."
-John Greenleaf Whittier

with love...
Kate