"let worth be judged..."

"I look to You,
I look to You..."

Selah's cover of  "I Look to You"  returned to my playlist this morning.

I was talking with a dear friend recently, and she asked me a question that touched a very tender nerve:

"perhaps it's a self-worth issue..."

I heard her, but I couldn't imagine how what we were talking about - my desire to be of better support to those I loved - had anything to do with self-worth. But I trusted her and I knew she loved me. So I filed her question away for "Someday when..."  Someday, when I have the time. Someday, when I am willing to probe more deeply. Someday, when I am unable to breathe because I feel the walls crumbling around me - again. Then I will be happy revisit the question of my self-worth.  For now, I'm okay -- but thanks.

Then, a few days later I received a note with this message on the front:

"One day she woke up
and decided she was worthy,

and her soul cried out
with joy"

"Hmmm," I thought, "is today the day to plumb this question?"  But first, I had to start with another question. What defines worth?

First I turned to the dictionary. It said what I already knew: "the level at which something or someone deserves to be valued, is fit for, capable of, or suitable for." It's etymology however stopped me in my tracks. It roots trace back to Old English. The word "worth," hearkens back to the word, "woerp" which refers to "an enclosed space, or a homestead."

I sat back in my chair and let that sink in. Was I at home in my own sense of worth? Do I feel at peace with the value of what I bring to humanity? Has my sense of home been directly impacted by my sense of worth? Has my sense of my own worth been been informed by my home -  or more pointedly, my housing? What correlation might there be between home, value, and worth? It took me a few moments to take the next breath.

As I thought about the concept of worth, I realized that a thing's worth is not defined by the thing itself, but is based on its perceived value. For example, gold is intrinsically worth no more than lead or silver. We have assigned a higher value to gold. The same with sports heroes over teachers. Or celebrities over mothers. Those who have advanced degrees over craftsmen, or those in the trades. It is society that assigned that value. There is no intrinsic higher value in one, over the others.

I needed to have a clear sense of what I valued in order to see my own -- or another's -- worth. So, I dug deeper. What clues could scripture give me in finding a truer sense of worth. I looked at what prophets, disciples, apostles, and Christ Jesus himself valued. Humility, meekness, self-sacrifice, patience. These resonated with me, but I still couldn't feel the deeper  shift that I knew came with a radical transformation of thought. Then something I found in Mary Baker Eddy's Science and Health with Key to the Scripture hit that nerve again -- and this time, it was like a tuning fork. She writes:

"let worth be judged according to wisdom..."

It rushed through me like a lightning bolt. A few weeks earlier my Sunday School class had been examining the difference between intelligence and wisdom.  And in response  to the question: "How would you describe that difference?" -- one of the girls said:

"Wisdom is intelligence
used with love."

When I heard it, I knew it was true. It immediately became my go-to definition for "wisdom." And here was Eddy saying that our sense of worth should be judged according to wisdom -- the loving use of intelligence. It all shifted into place. If I was feeling less than "worthy," I needed to examine how I was using the God-bestowed intelligence that filled my consciousness throughout the day.

For example:  Was I reading scripture, and delighting in every word, but not bringing these vital truths into Christian practice? Was I consciously bringing wisdom -- intelligence used with love -- to bear on every interaction? Was I vigilant in my daily defense of the wise [loving] use of intelligence? Did I affirm throughout the day that intelligence could only be used for good, for the benefit of humanity. Did I refuse to believe that intelligence could ever be corrupted or used "against" others?

Elsewhere in her Message to The Mother Church for 1902 Eddy assures us that:

"Conscious worth satisfies the hungry heart
and nothing else can..."

To be conscious of my worth -- my right to engage in the loving use of intelligence -- was all that would ever satisfy my hunger for peace. My worth is not based on an irrevocable history of personal mistakes, failures, choices, or accomplishments. It is not defined by how others perceive me. My worth is founded on my day-to-day practice of wisdom. This is what has value. And this is practice of wisdom is something I can monitor throughout the day.

It's not surprising that this "loving use of intelligence," aligns with a radical, conscious application of The Golden Rule: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  The Golden Rule is not a human choice, but a divine imperative.  It is a law that operates unspent throughout the deep collective root system of humanity. It is ever-establishing our ever-active spiritual worth -- moment-by-moment,  heart by heart.

We are worthy of this intelligent view of ourselves and others. We are worthy of the peace and joy it brings. We are worthy of being conscious of our worth,  and the worth of being conscious.  It is our divine right to be conscious of what we know, and how to use it.  This is a place we can homestead and abide in -- forever.

offered with Love,

Cate

"All of You is more than enough..."

"All of You is more than enough for all of me... For every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love. And all I have in You is more than enough..." - Chris Tomlin & Louis Giglio

I hope you enjoy this video of Chris Tomlin's beautiful song, "Enough."  I think you will see how it relates to this story: It happened just last night.  We were sitting in church.  In preparation for conducting the service, I'd pulled together the readings, straight from questions that were pressing on my heart:  "What do I really need?"  "When will I know that I have enough?"  Using those questions as my starting point, I'd felt divinely led - as if on a journey through the Bible, and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. I was searching for the message God intended for our worship service - and for me.  I'd felt inspired but Scripture and the writings of Mary Baker Eddy, but the questions still loomed large.  Once I'd finished readings the selections, and we'd joined in silent prayer, I led the congregation in praying aloud the Lord's Prayer.  And it was this line, "Give us this day, our daily bread" that I found myself focusing on with genuine hunger.   After singing the second hymn, and reading the announcements, I opened the meeting for the sharing of gratitude, inspiration and testimonies of healing. And that was when my friend, Andrew - sitting on the sofa in the half-light of a late summer evening - shared a stunning idea. It was one that answered my question, so perfectly, that it was as if I'd posed my query directly to him,  he'd taken it to God, and come back with the perfect response. Andrew started his remarks, by sharing gratitude for what he was learning from the inmates he visited during his volunteer work at a local jail.  And then, he referred back to one of the statements that I'd read - twice actually - from Science and Health. He referred to it as the definition to the word, "enough."

"Unfathomable Mind is expressed. The depth, breadth, height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite Love fill all space. That is enough!"

It actually took my breath away.  It was as if little prickles of energy - and a million fireflies - were lighting up my insides.  I actually think I may have gasped.  This was the answer - the simple and direct answer - I had been looking for.  As I'd prepared for the service, there were two words that had kept poking at me:  "need" and "enough."  I knew what I most needed. Again from Mary Baker Eddy:

"What we most need is the fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds."

And this had long become my answer. When suggestions came from within, "I need to know what is next." or "I need to feel thus, and so - peace, comfort, love - you name it."   When those false "needs" would project themselves as conditional to my peace, with Eddy's direction, it had become my practice to claim, "No, what I really need is the burning desire for growth in grace - expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds. But the answer to the questions, "What is enough?"  "When will I have enough?"  "What would enough look like?"  For those questions, I didn't seem to have an answer that satisfied my hunger for something simple, clear, comprehensive, practical - and most importantly - spiritual. But Andrew's answer met all of those criteria - perfectly. And I claimed it, immediately, for myself as one of my five smooth stones for taking down the Goliath suggestion of: "never enough."  I have since discovered that it is truly one of the most wonderful spiritual tools to have at the ready.  When the inner critic tries to say I don't have enough, I never will have enough, or that I wouldn't know enough if it bit me on the backside, I can confidently go back to:

"The depth, breadth, height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite Love fill all space."

Do I need more money, more information, more praise, more entertainment, more comfort -- more, more, more? No, what I need - what I really, and truly, and practically need more of is growth in grace -- patience, meekness, love and good deeds.  And the depth, breadth, height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite Love filling all space is exactly what will meet that need.  In fact, it is the only thing that can, or will, eversatisfy that which I "most need." That is my "enough."  It will always be enough.  Love filling all space.  Love filling every heart.  Love filling every moment with opportunity for self-realization.  Love satisfying every need to trust more, and worry less.  Love filling every "wrathful and afflictive" experience as the opportunity to entertain angels heretorfore unawares. Love filling the earth with the gladness of growth, the affluence of freshness, the height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite beauty and grace.  Yes, it is enough. It is always enough.    with Love, Kate [photo credit:  Nathaniel Wilder 2010]